The two funniest things currently on the interwebs:
LeWar - Michael Ian Black (who I'm a little obsessed with. Seriously, I'll sit though an I Love the 90's marathon just to hear his witty quips) recently started Twittering (which we all know is lame, but whatevs) and declared war on LeVar Burton. Essentially, they are battling to have the most followers hanging on their every word. You can read all about it on MIB's blog. I'm not entirely sure why I find this so hilarious, but anytime LeVar Burton threatens to "go Kunta" on someone's ass, that is pretty effing awesome.
KSK Fantasy Football/Sex Advice Mailbag - Kissing Suzy Kobler is a sports blog run by, well, degenerates, but it's usually really hilarious. The highlight of their repertoire is their advice mailbag where dudes write in and ask various questions about how to get laid. It's totally NSFW, but will make you LOL.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Turns out Quentin Tarantino is a copycat.
OK, maybe it’s not really shocking to learn that a filmmaker so obsessed with pop culture has borrowed a bit from it, but it’s still a little disappointing to hear that what I thought was one of Tarantino’s more creative bits of storytelling – the way the characters in Reservoir Dogs call themselves colors, like Mr. Blue, Mr. Brown, etc. – was taken wholesale from another movie.
That movie, on the other hand, wasn’t the least bit disappointing. It’s called The Taking of Pelham One Two Three, and I put it in my Netflix queue a while back for reasons I don’t entirely recall. It finally came around this week and it turned out to be a pretty rewarding hostage/heist flick from the ‘70s.
It’s the story of a bunch of guys who take an NYC subway train hostage for the hefty ransom of ONE MILLION DOLLARS!!! (Hey, it was 1974). Much of the drama surrounds just how the heck the gang expects to get away with it (they’re sealed in an underground tunnel after all) and how the usually under-taxed transit cops are going to deal with this kind of situation.
A few of the side characters are a little cartoony and there’s a side plot with the mayor that doesn’t really go anywhere, but generally speaking I thought the movie held up well for a crime caper made more than 30 years ago. Walter Matthau is surprisingly entertaining as the dry-witted transit police supervisor, Jerry Stiller makes an understated yet humorous appearance, and Robert “Black eyes, like a dolls’ eyes” Shaw plays the head hostage taker with unexpected panache.
I have no idea what that phone number is. Ten points to whoever calls it!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
So, I have some extra time on my hands and need to put said idle hands to work. One of my favorite, super dorky pastimes is creating mixed CDs for friends, but most of my IRL friends are getting tired of me always being all, "Here's some music I love and you should, too," so I thought maybe you people would like to know what's playing inside my mind grapes on the regular. If you do, email me your address (I promise I'll only use your address to stalk you if you are cute and male) and I'll send you a CD full of ginger goodness. (I may even be so bold as to create an awesome CD cover just for you!) If you don't like music (or took that stalking joke seriously), well, find a way to live a life a little less awesome.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
I'm Back! - As you probably noticed, I am back online at home and posting like a mad woman!!! (okay, not really, but 3 posts in 3 days is at least back to normal.) It's truly embarrassing how happy it makes me to have internet access again. When did we come to this?
Adriana Lima is Married - Fellas, it will be okay. You never had a shot anyway.
(While we're on this subject, I asked elsewhere why A. Lim seems to be the most coveted VS model when Miranda Kerr (and others) are so much prettier. I'd love to hear your thoughts.)
It's Mardi Gras! - No one I know is celebrating in any real way...except my aunt who is in NOLA. However, tomorrow is the beginning of Lent and I'm following Liz's lead and giving up alcohol during the week (except for the week of St. Patty's because I'll be in Chicago and what's the point of being in Chicago for St. Patty's if you don't drink, I ask you?). Please pray for our strength to make it through.
So, what's the deal with A. Lim? What are you giving up for Lent? And are you as excited as I am to see me back to the blogging...or something?
Monday, February 23, 2009
Okay, okay. As I mentioned a while back, there are super hot chicks on Friday Night Lights to compliment the dreamy fellas. However, let's break down who's super hot and who is merely a skeeze:
First up, The Saucy Minx:
- Mostly doesn't take crap from her terrible boyfriend (season 1)
- Hates small town life and football
- Ridiculously good-looking, but kinda has low self-esteem
- Falls for super nerdy sidekick of QB1 (season 2)
I give you Tyra Collette
Next, The Boring Cheerleader turned Jesus Freak:
- Super nice and sweet
- Devoid of personality or interesting character traits
- Sleeps with her boyfriend's best friend after said boyfriend is paralyzed in a football accident
- Ridiculously good-looking
Ya'll, it's Lyla Garrity
So, who you got?
Well, you're wrong. The correct answer is None of the Above. The true fox is the ginger, natch.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Tami Taylor
So, what say you? Am I right? Or will you fall in line behind skeezy Lyla Garrity? Well?
Sunday, February 22, 2009
So Liz won our prediction off and I'm not bitter...mainly because the 3+hour Oscars broadcast was actually pretty damn enjoyable. Here's why:
The Opening Number - Hugh Jackman was hilarious, paying tribute to the best picture nominees (and those snubbed, like The Dark Knight) with a "rescission inspired" musical number which he "crafted" in his garage. Highlights include the "Craigslist dancers" and Anne Hathaway. Awesome.
Musicals Are Back! by Baz Luhrman - This was a bit of a mess, but, add Original Screenplay/Best Actor wins for Dustin Lance Black and Sean Penn for Milk and I think we can all agree this was, as I predicted it would be, the Gayest Oscars Ever!
I also liked the "let's present the awards in the order of production" gimmick...and Danny Boyle's complete joy throughout...and the Judd Apatow Comedy montage...and Queen Latifah singing for the In Memoriam montage...but mostly, I enjoyed the Oscars embracing who they truly are: a show for film nerds, women and gays.
How about you? What did you think? And am I the only person who's ovaries crumble at the sight of this commercial? (which was the only commercial (besides Tom Colicchio for Diet Coke) I actually stopped fast-forwarding to watch):
Friday, February 20, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Be sure and tune in to tonight's Oscar Oscar program on Blog Talk Radio as Red will be joining our panel from last year (in which I was the only one to correctly predict every major award). And once again I will be performing my own Billy Crystal style song parody medley at the start of the broadcast, plus another special number immediately preceding our discussion of Best Director ("Oh Danny Boyle").
It all starts at 10 pm eastern right here.
There's online chat that you can participate in during the broadcast, and if time permits we will be taking calls right before we get to our final discussion of Best Picture.
If you're unable to listen live tonight, you can use the same link to listen to the archived recording of the broadcast starting tomorrow.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Dear Last Week,
Why do you hate me so much? You began by telling me I could no longer access personal email or The Facebook during the day, forcing me to pay out the nose to actually hook up an internet connection in my home. Then you told me California decided it was too broke to pay their tax refunds and Arnold is issuing IOUs instead. Next, you fraked with Blogger until I could only compose things in HTML...with no ability to add pictures. To further make my life suck, you somehow got me to agree to go on a date with someone I had no interest in, only to have me sleep through the first 30 minutes of said date because I thought (or rather you thought) bottomless mimosas at brunch was a good idea. You also apparently thought it was a good idea to let me text a boy I should be over by now while drinking those mimosas, resulting in feeling supremely lame for, well, I'm still pissed about that one, actually. To top it off, you thought it would be fun to plant Valentine's Day down in the middle of all this mess and let me spend the day reading Watchmen and watching movies like Hellboy II, prompting one rather verbose gentleman to inform me I'd need a complex understanding of exponents to understand how sad, on a scale of 1-10, my life really is..."No one has ever counted that high," he said. But I don't blame him...I blame you. Please stop hating me. I realize there are people, like, losing their jobs and their fortunes and stuff, but I'd really just like my internet back...and to stop being so tragic. Can you please help a sister out?
Thanks in advanced,
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Fiesta – The Pogues (I do enjoy a good party. And if it's Irish, all the better)
Friday, February 13, 2009
We’re in for a powerful mashup of “holidays” this weekend, guys. A mashup that can only portend death, death for everyone!!!
I put “holidays” in quotation marks because the dates I’m speaking of are today, Friday the 13th - which isn’t exactly a holiday, unless you’re a mall goth - and Valentine's Day, an inane celebration invented to stimulate the winter economy by forcing the en-coupled to buy chocolates and flowers, and the single to buy grain alcohol. America!
But what does it mean when one follows the other? When a day known for bad luck and mishaps comes right before a day renowned for love? Dear readers, I have no idea. But it must mean something. So, to get to the bottom of this, I’ve decided to study the movie posters from some of the Friday the 13th movies, and compare and contrast them with the biggest date movies that came out in their respective years. Because, well, what the hell, right? Let’s see how this goes:
Installation of Friday the 13th : Original
What the poster tells us about mixing Friday the 13th and Valentine’s Day: According to this poster, inside each and every one of us, there’s a forest full of horny teenagers. The only way to deal with this is to carry around a bloody knife, as a warning to those who want to get close.
What the poster tells us about mixing Friday the 13th with Valentine’s Day: First of all, Brooke Shields has obviously had some work done because there’s no way that girl grew up into this naturally. But also, apparently the booty-knockin' youths in this movie were cousins?!?! That's what the description on IMBD says. (I've never seen it). I think what this poster is trying to say is that sleeping with your cousin leads to a lot of words, kind of like a lawsuit, or doctors bills for your many deformed kids.
Installation of Friday the 13th: Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (9th in the series, first of the ‘90s)
What the poster tells us about mixing Friday the 13 with Valentine’s Day: No matter what you make your hockey mask out of – standard plastic or chromium steel – if you are a raging inferno of desire, your “snake” will find a way to burst out.
What the poster tells us: If you have searched and searched for your one true love, and finally decide to meet her on top of the Space Needle, be careful that its not a windy night, because she just might blow away and die a bone crunching death, rather than join you and your meddling son for dinner.
Installation of Friday the 13th: Friday the 13th (In its 12th installment, the producers ran out of ideas for titles. Fun fact: Red and I kind of know a guy in this movie).
What the poster tells us about mixing Friday the 13th and Valentine’s Day: Hiding in dark corners and stalking your love from the shadows is no way to get noticed. Wearing a mask doesn’t help the situation. While it’s true that we gals love the strong silent type, we also love a man who makes the first move.
What the poster tells us: Beautiful people enjoy smiling. If you’re not one of these people, he’s probably just not that into you. Comfort yourself by eating ten boxes of candy hearts that say, “Call Me” and try no to choke on the irony.
Liz has too much time on her hands and should work harder at her job!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
So I'm turning 30 at the end of this month, finally ending the pointless and unproductive decade known as my 20's. However, being a contributer to GITW and getting to know everyone here via their witty/sarcastic comments and jokes is one thing that has been fun for me (and Red, Liz and Garney) over the past few years.
Anyways, I've been listening to a lot of L.A based rapper Pigeon John lately, so to celebrate here is "Life Goes On", a groovy introspective tune featuring Abstract Rude:
Peace Out, and try not to be a hook in your own theme song...
Posted by Dave Harrington at 3:09 PM
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
At one point, I had plans with 3 different groups to see He's Just Not That Into You, the big screen version of a self-help book based on a Sex and the City episode (you got that?). After the reviews came out, and the critics basically said it was terrible, I cut my viewings down to one...which turned out to be one too many.
HJNTIY is, in a word, insulting. It follows 4 couples at different stages in their relationships. You've got the overly anxious single gal (Ginnifer Goodwin) and the dude who gives her advice about men (Justin Long), the couple who've been dating for 7 years, but the guy "doesn't believe in marriage" (Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck), the married couple who've lost their spark (Jennifer Connolly and Bradley Cooper), and the friends with benefits (Scarlett Johansson and Kevin Connolly), but one of them wants more, and Drew Barrymore, the unlucky in love comic relief (note there's not one "single and happy about it" person in the mix). Essentially, it's every possible set-up for a romantic comedy, ever, but without the charm or, well, romance.
Early on, Goodwin's character (Gigi) tells us all the romantic "fairy tales" women hear about men (deciding after 10 years they do want to be married or couples who get back together after a breakup to find the man completely changed and ready for commitment) are the exception rather than the rule. Gigi is The Rule (as are the women in the audience) and, as such, she must play by "The Rules" i.e. don't call a man, don't seem too interested, let him chase you, etc. etc....the things drilled into the heads of women my age for years. And some of these points are well made. Women shouldn't be with a guy who treats them poorly or who doesn't seem interested or who lies and cheats, but that's not really the problem.
The problem with the film is these "Rules" women become the exceptions. The guy who doesn't believe in marriage [Spoiler Alert] suddenly wants to be married. The fella who is turned off by Gigi's over enthusiasm becomes completely infatuated in return. Also, Gigi, as the central figure for the audience to identify with, is a complete caricature of a woman...needy and completely oblivious about her actions or self-worth.
Then there's the Connolly/Cooper/ScarJo triangle. The lovely Jennifer Connolly spends the entire movie being a bitch, only to forgive her husband for his affair with ScarJo. Later, with the straw that breaks their marriage, she leaves him because he's been lying about smoking. Really? This is the message you want to send? Ladies, if a man cheats on you, try and work it out, but if he lies about something like smoking, especially after we added a convenient line of dialogue to let everyone know you really hate smoking, kick him to the curb. Also, I actually hated ScarJo in this and I never hate ScarJo in anything...not even The Island. Add the dated nature of many of the storylines (really, what 30-something still "dates" through myspace?) and the fact that all the even sort of funny bits are in the trailer and I think you see where I'm going with this. Skip this movie. Save yourself your hard earned cash and your dignity.
I’ve been trying to save money since I started making money. I was a lot more successful at it when I was 11 and had a paper route and Mom and Dad were covering the major expenses. Now, in the days of rent and student loans, it's tough.
Every time I read a “Tips for saving $$$” feature on Yahoo! or CNN, they say the same thing: Bring a lunch, don’t buy it; bring coffee, don’t buy it; etc., all of which I already do. I get the impression they’re holding back on the good stuff, like “How to make a healthy, filling meal out of newspapers and wine corks.”
Monday, February 9, 2009
Usually Red writes this feature, but she's MIA right now, and we haven't posted anything since Thursday so dammit someone had to step up to the plate. Let me tell you what I know:
By MIA I mean Red is "missing in action," not "pregnant and performing with Kanye and 'Lil Wayne."
The Grammys were last night. I once went on at length about why the Grammys suck, and none of that's really changed. (Though Dave* disagreed with me). The big news last night was that Chris Brown and Rihanna both cancelled their performances and it's rumored that Brown beat up everyone's favorite Umbrella-ella-ella girl early Sunday morning. If these rumors are true, here's hoping she's OK, and he gets what's coming to him. (Namely, shower rapes).
The new cast of Dancing with the Stars was announced. Are Jewel and David Alan Grier's careers really going that badly?
It's been (kind of) raining in San Diego for 5 straight days! This is huge people. I'd start gathering your apocolypse survival kits if I were you.
A-Rod did steroids. And baseball fans everywhere said, "Didn't we already know that? It feels like we already knew that."
"He's Just not that into You" sucks. Red saw it over the weekend and told me it was awful. That didn't stop it from being the highest grossing film of the weekend, but that's probably because its a slim field right now.
* This was originally reported as Red's defense of the Grammys. Gingers is the Watchword regrets this error.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Some big things happened way back in 1982:
Thriller was released
The Double Stuffed Oreo was sold for the first time
The Commodore 64 was released
The first emoticons were posted
The first CDs were sold
The Brits fought some dumb war for about 3 months
Cal Ripken played the first in his record breaking 2,632 game streak
And our dear friend Liz was born on this day!
Won't you please join me in wishing her a very happy birthday? Here's to not joining the 27 Club.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Nobody watches Friday Night Lights. It's nearly been canceled, like, a zillion times, but it's one of those critical darling/cult following shows that has die hard fans all nutty and determined to keep it on the television. So, naturally, I need to watch it...and it's awesome. Seriously, queue it up.
Anyway, there loads of beautiful men and women gracing the set during FNL. The chicks are super hot (even if Lyla Garrity is a skeeze), the central marriage is incredible and there are dudes in football pants (always a plus), but there is a debate about who's the dreamiest fella on the show. So let's break this down:
First up: Your Generic Bad Boy with a Semi-Heart of Gold
- Shitty boyfriend
- Daddy issues
- Screwed his best friend's skeezy girlfriend after said friend was paralyzed in a football accident
- Needs a hair cut
Ladies (and men who like men), I give you Tim Riggins
Next up: The Nice Guy Quarterback
- Becomes starting QB after superstar starting QB is injured
- Lives with and takes care of his grandma, who suffers from dementia, while his dad fights in Iraq
- Has a nerdy sidekick
- Works hard at the local fast food joint where he never cheats The Man
- Crushes on the coaches adorable (and non skeezy) daughter, Julie
- All around nice guy with nice, sensible short hair
Friends who really could care less about this argument, Matt Saracen
Well, who you got in this totally fair and unbiased argument?
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
It’s the 50th anniversary of “The Day the Music Died,” when Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and The Big Bopper were all killed in a plane crash.
In observance, here’s an article about how Buddy Holly made the world obsessed with dead rock stars (or something); here’s a link to a cool M. Ward cover of Holly’s song “Rave On;” and here’s a clip of the Filipino James Deans impersonating the Mexican-American Elvis:
Sorry, I don't have much to offer on the Big Bopper. Hellooooo, baaaaby!
Recently I told Liz, "I'm so uninspired to blog. All I've got are new dudes I think are hot" to which she replied, "Well, that's kind of our bread and butter, isn't it?" Indeed:
Terry O'Quinn - I've become somewhat obsessed with Terry O'Quinn since I started watching Lost in September. John Locke is one of the dreamiest characters on TV. Liz thinks he can be annoying, but I'd take him over Sawyer or Jack any day.
Peter Dinklage - I've had a thing for The Dinklage since The Station Agent, but his recent appearance on 30 Rock rekindled my love. I don't even care that he's only 4'5".
Scott Michael Foster - Recently, I've started watching the ABC Family original series Greek (don't you judge me. It's really good and actually makes me sad I never joined a sorority). JMF plays Cappy, the resident psuedo-bad-boy with a heart of gold. Why didn't I ever meet guys like that in college...or post-college?
Simon Vozick-Levinson - Don't tell Hick Flick, but I have a new columnist crush. Simon writes hilariously witty posts about music and why it's okay for men to see "chick flicks" for EW. Plus, he loves Bruce Springsteen and has a degree in Classics from Harvard. Not that I'm, you know, cyber-stalking him or anything.
Michael Cera - Juno's been playing, seemingly, on a loop on HBO for the past 2 weeks, reminding me just how adorable Michael Cera can be. Add his awesome turn in Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (out today on DVD. I've been counting the days) and this crush is pretty full blown, my friends.
How about you? Have you discovered any new crushes in the last, I dunno, 2 months or so?
Monday, February 2, 2009
What with the chicken wings and the spare ribs and the 11 different kinds of beer at the Super Bowl party I went to yesterday, a lot of crazy things got said. I hopped on the 6:00 train to Nutsville when I said Jennifer Hudson's singing of the national anthem was the best one yet, and probably better than Whitney Houston's classic in 1991.
This morning I decided to see how right I was. As they say in football, I went to the tape. Naturally, I was wrong: While Jennifer Hudson's was great, and especially poignant after her family tragedy last year, Whitney's is just insanely good. I don't think it'll ever be topped. Here, compare and contrast yourselves with a little patriot music on this belt-loosening Ground Hog Day.
And of course, the best part of this year's Super Bowl (for everyone outside the greater Pittsburg metro-region):