Friday, July 31, 2009

This (mostly) Just In...

Victoria Beckham has Breast Implants Removed - I don't know why, but this makes me kind of sad. I love Posh because she's so ridiculously major! Now, she seems more normal...well, apart from the crazy outfits...and no one likes a normal WAG. Apparently, it's a ploy to get on the cover of Vogue. Anna Wintour is such a beezy.

A Day Without a Fox - On August 4, several men's internet sites are banning all talk/images/etc. of the incredibly hot, toe thumbed Megan Fox. This is retarded. I mean, I'm not her #1 fan or anything, but seriously dude sites? You spend months (nay years!) building her up as a goddess only to get sick of her and act like she doesn't exist?! Actually, wait. That sounds like textbook male behavior. Carry on...

January Jones "Too Thin" for Mad Men - I'm not mad at the lovely January, as she just seems like one of those naturally really thin people (i.e. not doing the anorexic Hollywood thing a la Nicole Richie or something), but I love this non-story because the producers encourage the ladies of Mad Men to eat and look "fluffy" (as an old friend of mine would say). Can we please go back to the 60's already?

Dollhouse Season 1 on DVD - Watch it! Now!!! Jamie Bamber will be in Season 2 and you don't want to miss out on that hotness.

Seinfeld Reunion on Curb Your Enthusiasm
- The new season of Curb will feature Jerry, Julia, Michael, Jason and Larry creating and filming a Seinfeld reunion. These pretzels are already makin' me thirsty!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

At The Movies: (500) Days of Summer

Last night, Liz, my new roommate Danielle and I ventured to see (500) Days of Summer. As I told Liz before we saw it, "I've heard Zooey is another Manic Pixie Dream Girl (thanks McGone!) and Joseph Gordon-Levitt is the new Lloyd Dobler...the combination of which already makes it my favorite Rom-Com ever." That statement proved sorta true and mostly not.

As everyone knows from the preview, (500) Days of Summer is "not a love story, but a story about love." Really, it's about what happens when there is an imbalance of emotion between two people. Tom (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) is a romantic. He falls in love with Summer (Zooey Deschanel) who doesn't believe in love. She's one of those women men are drawn to for somewhat inexplicable reasons (other than being incredibly beautiful, obvs) and Tom is convinced she's "The One." However, Summer is very upfront with Tom, telling him she's not looking for anything serious, while sending mixed signals like planting the first kiss and taking him to bed. They have good times and bad times, she breaks up with him and he wants her back. You know...the usual.

The genius of (500) DoS is, well, several things. First, Joseph Gordon-Levitt is kind of a new Lloyd Dobler. He will be remembered and loved by women for this role probably for the rest of his career. He's charming and funny and gorgeous and really wonderful (I'll take one in every color, please). Also great are Geoffrey Arend (aka the future Mr. Christina Hendricks (lucky bastard), though he's probably best known as the guy who eats the bag of pot in Super Troopers) as Tom's hilarious friend and Chloe Moretz as Tom's straight talking litter sister. The film is cleverly told, jumping back and forth in time, incorporating animation and music and homages to Swedish cinema. Then there's just the truth in the story. I can't imagine anyone over 25 hasn't experienced this type of relationship, possibly from both sides. The feeling someone is so right for you, if only they could see and feel it, too. The blindness to someone's flaws due to hyperfocus on making them happy. And even the pain of knowing someone loves you so much and you just don't feel the same. Universiality in love and loss...or something.

The only element that kept me from really loving (500) DoS, and finding it on my all time list with Eternal Sunshine and Say Anything, is Zooey Deschanel. Now, I am a huge Zooey fan, but I think her talents lie more in supporting characters and love interests who are secondary to the story (a la Elf). Anytime she has to help carry a film, she's less effective. Sure, she's gorgeous, but she's almost too quirky to be emotionally believable.

So, go see (500) Days of Summer. Enjoy the storytelling, relive that time you had your heart broken by "The One," and fall in love with Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

P.S. Fellas - Former skeeze Layla Garrity (aka Minka Kelly) is in it, too. You know, if that's something you'd be interested in.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Random Picture Wednesday

I saw this on another blog and it made me laugh really hard. What can I say, I'm easily amused. Now get back to work!

Monday, July 27, 2009

New Things I learned at Comic Con

Is that you in there, Red?

San Diego was the pop culture center of the world for the past week when Comic Con came to town. Once again, I got to attend, and as usual, I learned things; about myself, about my fellow man, and about the world around us. Here are some of the highlights.

The GI Joe movie is going to be huge – There was surprisingly little promotion for GI Joe at the ‘Con, but I saw a ton of people dressed as the characters, and a lot of my friends asked me if it had a big presence. As a card carrying member of the press, I did get my own free GI Joe hat at a store near the Convention Center. It's pretty much the most ridiculous thing ever and therefore naturally it's my favorite new accessory in the whole world. Other than that though, I didn’t see much “GO SEE GI JOE IMMEDIATELY, NERDS!” promotion, like I did for other things like 2012 and Avatar. Maybe I just wasn't looking hard enough.

I need a different job – Specifically, one that pays better. Like, eleventy billion times better. While my current position allows me to attend Comic Con for free every year, it does not pay me enough to buy copies of "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone" autographed by JK Rowling, like the one for sale at this year’s ‘Con. And Lord God Almighty, did I want that book!

I’d make a bad Paparazzi – I didn’t recognize any celebs at Comic Con this year, but my co-worker somehow got video of Mark Hamill and interviewed Tyrese. I think I just don’t have an eye for celebrity in plane view. At one point, I was watching Julie Benz from Dexter (a show I like) signing autographs under a huge sign that said, “JULIE BENZ FROM DEXTER” and I was still like, “Is that really her? It doesn’t look anything like her.” Clearly I shouldn’t move to LA and buy a telescopic lens and a motorcycle any time soon.

Star Trek fans are loyal to an insane degree – At one point I was walking around the show floor and saw this long, winding line. Thinking there might be a star in the midst (and praying it would be Jamie Bamber), I asked a guy what they were waiting for. He told me they were giving out foam fingers shaped into the “Live long and prosper” signal, and you could sit in a replica of Kirk’s chair while two green-painted girls in Star Trek uniforms leaned over you. This line was easily 200 yards long. And did I mention it was hot in there? Yeah, these people are invested.

On a nerdom scale of 1-10, I’m probably a 5, and I think that’s a healthy level - I’d get an adrenaline rush when I saw anything related to my not-so-secret shames (Buffy, Harry Potter, True Blood, Lost) but there were also a whole host of shows, movies, comics and especially video games that were all Greek to me. My camera guy had to keep explaining what people were dressed as, and having just geeked out over seeing a girl dressed as Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica, it was refreshing to spend some time in the dark of normalcy.

Countdown to Mad Men: 21 Days

In eager anticipation of everyone's favorite show about the 60's, you can Mad Men yourself! Here's what I created:

Joan is so jealous that Don, Roger and Pete are checking me out. No worries, Joanie! This office is big enough for multiple gingers.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Top 5: Shows From My Youth

It's the Summer the Celebrities Died. The latest victim is Les Lye, the totally awesome, only adult actor on the best Canadian TV show ever, You Can't Do That on Television (Seriously. I realized YCDTOT is the reason for my Canadian obsession. It's just that important). His passing got me thinking about other shows I loved as a kid (let's say before the age of 12) and naturally, I decided to share my thoughts with you.

1. Alf - I was obsessed with Alf. I actually wanted to marry Alf and have his children. I wish I was kidding.

2. Fraggle Rock - Who doesn't like Muppets...especially redheaded Muppets!?! Wow. I'm starting to see a pattern here in these first 2 picks. Let's just move on.

3. Animaniacs - Another show I was obsessed with. I remember having a Dot doll or something. The memories are hazy. I do know Pinky and the Brain are two of the greatest cartoon characters ever.

4. Double Dare - I like to think I would have killed on Double Dare, but I'm not such a fan of getting dirty, so I don't know. I do know, I like watching people get slime dumped on their head. I am a simple woman. Too bad they ruined this show when they let kids compete with their stupid parents.

5. Jem - Jem is truly outrageous! Truly, truly truly outrageous! I obviously loved the cartoon about the super cool music exec/secret rock star!!! It's like Jerrica was living my life!!! Seriously though, reading this plot synopsis is awesome. Who thinks of this crap?

Honorable Mentions: Inspector Gadget, Tiny Toons, Duck Tails (woo hoo!)

Reminisce about your childhood in the comments, won't you?

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Craig Ferguson Tells You What's What

So this has kind of been everywhere, but in case you haven't seen it, I'm posting it for your viewing pleasure. Essentially, Craig Ferguson (who is, by many accounts, the best thing on last night TV) goes on a little Scottish tirade about why everything sucks. I'll give you a's because of the "deification" of youth. Seriously, this is pretty right on. Check it:


Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Tragedy Strikes San Diego Area Band

You guys! As you all know, Liz and I are hard at work on our amazing cover band called "Let's Make Out." However, tragedy struck this weekend when Liz learned there's already a band, in San Diego, called "Let's Make Out" and they're already playing gigs! Obviously, Liz and I have dibs on LMO (as we snatched it up as soon as Garney mentioned it when we were asking for name suggestions nearly a year ago) and these wannabes STOLE it from us! So now the question is, what do we do? I leave it to you, dear readers, to choose:

1. Keep the name, knowing full well we will be better and bigger than this so called "band" who actually play "in public" will ever hope to be?


2. Change the name to one of the following:

  • "Mormon Chaos" (currently the title of out first record)?
  • "Winning America and Watching Lost"(an obviously hilarious inside joke)?
  • Something else someone suggests in the comments?
Well, what do you think. Please weigh in below. We need you now more than ever!!!

Monday, July 20, 2009

Ranking Woody

Tonight at 11 pm eastern standard time on Blog Talk Radio The Three Amoviegoers will be sharing their lists of their ten favorite Woody Allen films and also be discussing his latest film Whatever Works which is the 40th film he's made. Entertainment Weekly's Owen Gleiberman did his own ranking of all 40, and I figured I'd offer my own take having been a huge fan and follower of his work.

1. Annie Hall
2. Hannah and Her Sisters
3. Crimes and Misdemeanors
4. Bullets Over Broadway
5. Match Point
6. The Purple Rose of Cairo
7. Love and Death
8. Manhattan
9. Bananas
10. Another Woman
11. Manhattan Murder Mystery
12. Vicky Cristina Barcelona
13. Stardust Memories
14. Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex But Were Afraid To Ask
15. Sleeper
16. Tale the Money and Run
17. Broadway Danny Rose
18. Zelig
19. Interiors
20. Small Time Crooks
21. Sweet and Lowdown
22. Deconstructing Harry
23. Shadows and Fog
24. Radio Days
25. Cassandra's Dream
26. Husbands and Wives
27. Oedipus Wrecks (New York Stories)
28. Whatever Works
29. Mighty Aphrodite
30. Celebrity
31. Everyone Says I Love You
32. What's Up Tiger Lily?
33. Hollywood Ending
34. Alice
35. Anything Else
36. Melinda and Melinda
37. A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy
38. September
39. Scoop
40. The Curse of the Jade Scorpion

Our Country Tis of Thee...

Since we're feeling historic, the US National Archives posted a bunch of important historical documents and photos on Flickr (every thing from the Articles of Confederation to GHW Bush meeting Babe Ruth). Of course, this letter to President Eisenhower from a bunch of Elvis lovers in Montana is my favorite.

Take that, Communist Russia!

Humans landed on the moon 40 years ago today. Doesn’t it seem like this should be a bigger deal?

We landed on the freakin’ moon, for crissakes!!! Human beings actually left the earth’s atmosphere, set foot on the moon, and came home, safe and sound. It realized a pipe dream mankind had had for millennia but never thought could actually happen. It launched a million, “They can put a man on the moon but they can’t [insert something seemingly simple here]” jokes. It should be an annual holiday the world over! More importantly, we should have today off!!!

And yet … nothing. It’s kind of not really a big deal at all. I’m guessing that’s because we never really did anything with it. Not even a simple Moon Base, never mind Moon Biospheres and Moon Colonies, was ever constructed. We kind of went, picked up some rocks, and were back home in time for supper. But I for one am mentally petitioning the Powers that Be to make this a bigger deal. Because for cryin’ out loud, we landed on the moon! And we could all use more days off.

Friday, July 17, 2009

This (mostly) Just In...

So, Harry Potter week was more like a few Harry Potter days, but that's just how we roll around here...half-assed and forgetful. For your Friday, here are some tidbits you may or may not care about:

Emmy Nominations are Out - Even though 30 Rock received more nominations than any show, ever, I refuse to acknowledge the Emmy as a legitimate award until they stop nominating Two and a Half Men for Best Comedy Every Damn Year!

Starbucks to try adding booze to their coffee - When I worked at The Buck, we had people tell us all the time that we should offer bourbon or Kahlua or other liquors with the coffee. Apparently, those alcoholics may get their wish.

San Diego Plagued by Giant Squid - I love that I learned this from the BBC. I am so up with current events!

Comic-Con Next Week - Zillions of nerds will invade my lovely city next week...and I'm jealous of every single one of them.

Countdown to Mad Men: 31 Days - I am literally counting down the days to the season 3 premiere. I made one of those paper chain countdown thingies and everything.

Have a great weekend, you guys!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

You've put a spell on me

I’m not sure it's possible to read the Harry Potter books or see the movies without wishing you had some kind of magical abilities. JK Rowling has created some very cool spells for her witches and wizards to cast - the Refilling Charm alone would get me through a lot of parties.

In honor of Harry Potter Week here at GitW, I’ve invented a few spells of my own that would make my non-magical life infinitely easier and more interesting.

Bellus Maximus – Instantly makes the caster the most attractive person in the room, even if they’re dressed for laundry day.

Off Percentum – This would allow you to make your own markdowns! Want a shirt but it costs too much? Just keep yelling “Off Percentum” at it until the price is right. Great for recessions.

Avada Kavirus – This would kill any and all viruses in your computer, and prevent any more from entering. All for free. And to all you Mac Kool-Aid drinkers out there, Silencio!

Imperio – OK, this is a real one from the book, but I feel like I could put it very good use. The Imperious Curse allows you to make a person do whatever you want them too. Technically it’s one of the “Unforgivable Curses” and you’re not supposed to use it, but that’s just because the wizards in Rowling’s world tend to put it to ill use. I’d only use it for good things! Like forcing my friends to help me clean up after parties, and making my boss give boring assignments to other people. And, you know, if someone like Ewan McGregor happened to walk by, I’m sure I could find some wonderful uses for it then as well.

Bloggo Dinero – Instantly makes your blog earn enough money for you to retire at 35. Not that we need magic for that, right Red? Right?!?!?!

Another reason to hate United Airlines

I have a longstanding hatred of United Airlines, which is probably the only reason I found this video funny. But I don't know, there's a certain low budget charm to it for other reasons too. Like the inexplicable sombreros.

Apparently about a year ago, this Canadian country singer Dave Carroll got his guitar broken by United Airlines, and when they refused to help him, he wrote a song about it and put a video on YouTube (like you do).

If you've ever had to deal with any airline's "customer service," you'll probably feel his pain.

More Emmy Ballot

So here are my picks for the comedy categories, which I feel more educated in since there are a large percentage of TV dramas I never watch. I'll also tag on my picks of what should win in some other categories at the end without bothering to rank the entire category.

1. The Office
2. Flight of the Conchords
3. 30 Rock
4. Pushing Daisies
5. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

1. Christina Applegate "Samantha Who?"
2. Selma Blair "Kath & Kim"
3. Tina Fey "30 Rock"
4. Amy Poehler "Parks and Recreation"
5. Anna Friel "Pushing Daisies"

1. Steve Carell "The Office"
2. Jim Parsons "The Big Bang Theory"
3. Alec Baldwin "30 Rock"
4. Lee Pace "Pushing Daisies"
5. Danny McBride "Eastbound & Down"

1. Jane Krakowski "30 Rock"
2. Jenna Fischer "The Office"
3. Jane Lynch "Party Down"
4. Kristin Chenoweth "Pushing Daisies"
5. Jennifer Esposito "Samantha Who?"

1. Charlie Day "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"
2. Rainn Wilson "The Office"
3. Rhys Darby "Flight of the Conchords"
4. Neil Patrick Harris "How I Met Your Mother"
5. Tracy Morgan "30 Rock"

1. Betty White "My Name Is Earl"
2. Salma Hayek "30 Rock"
3. Amy Ryan "The Office"
4. Christine Baranski "The Big Bang Theory"
5. Elaine Stritch "30 Rock"

1. Jon Hamm "30 Rock"
2. Justin Timberlake "Saturday Night Live"
3. Stellan Skarsgard "Entourage"
4. Will Ferrell "Eastbound & Down"
5. Jerry Van Dyke "My Name Is Earl"

1. Dean Holland "The Office" (The Duel)
2. Todd Holland "30 Rock" (Generalissimo)
3. Bill Lawrence "Scrubs" (My Last Words)
4. Matt Shakman "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" (The Nightman Cometh)
5. Adam McKay "Eastbound & Down" (Chapter Five)

Dayman / Nightman

1. Charlie Day, Glen Howerton and Rob McElhenney "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" (The Nightman Cometh)
2. James Bobin, Jemaine Clement and Bret McKenzie "Flight of the Conchords" (Prime Minister)
3. Kay Cannon and Tina Fey "30 Rock" (Christmas Special)
4. Mindy Kaling "The Office" (Lecture Circuit Parts 1 & 2)
5. Brent Forrester "The Office" (Blood Drive)

MADE FOR TV MOVIE: 24 - Redemption
MINISERIES: Generation Kill
ACTRESS: Jessica Lange "Grey Gardens"
ACTOR: Alexander Skarsgard "Generation Kill"
SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Jeanne Tripplehorn "Grey Gardens"
SUPPORTING ACTOR: James Ransone "Generation Kill"
VARIETY SERIES: Colbert Report
VARIETY SPECIAL: Will Ferrell - You're Welcome, America
REALITY PROGRAM: Extreme Makeover - Home Edition
REALITY COMPETITION PROGRAM: Randy Jackson Presents America's Best Dance Crew
REALITY HOST: RuPaul Charles "RuPaul's Drag Race"

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

My Emmy Ballot

So the Emmy nominations are going to be announced on Thursday which gives me today to share what I would pick (not predict) to nominate in the drama categories out of what I actually took the time to at least watch a few episodes from last season, and then tomorrow I'll do the comedy categories.

These are ranked in order of preference. Go ahead and share your own picks in the comments. It's not that I overlooked Lost... I just made a decision early on to wait until the series was finishing up to start watching it on DVD so I may start watching season one here pretty soon.

1. The Shield
2. Breaking Bad
3. Dexter
4. Mad Men
5. True Blood

1. January Jones "Mad Men"
2. Anna Paquin "True Blood"
3. Elisabeth Moss "Mad Men"
4. Mary McDonnell "Battlestar Galactica"
5. Glenn Close "Damages"

1. Michael C. Hall "Dexter"
2. Bryan Cranston "Breaking Bad"
3. Michael Chiklis "The Shield"
4. Damian Lewis "Life"
5. Johnny Lee Miller "Eli Stone"

1. Anna Gunn "Breaking Bad"
2. Christina Hendricks "Mad Men"
3. Katee Sackhoff "Battlestar Galactica"
4. Roma Maffia "Nip/Tuck"
5. CCH Punder "The Shield"

1. Aaron Paul "Breaking Bad"
2. Walton Goggins "The Shield"
3. Zachary Quinto "Heroes"
4. William Hurt "Damages"
5. Nelsan Ellis "True Blood"

1. Frances Fisher "The Shield"
2. Lizzy Caplan "True Blood"
3. Sigourney Weaver "Eli Stone"
4. Krysten Ritter "Breaking Bad"
5. Taraji P Henson "Eli Stone"

1. Michael J Fox "Rescue Me"
2. Bob Odenkirk "Breaking Bad"
3. Zeljko Ivanek "Heroes"
4. Stephen Root "True Blood'
5. Colin Hanks "Mad Men"

1. Michelle Maxwell MacLaren "Breaking Bad" (4 Days Out)
2. Clark Johnson "The Shield"(Family Meeting)
3. Nancy Oliver "True Blood" (To Love is to Bury)
4. Allan Arkush "Heroes" (I Am Sylar)
5. Matthew Weiner "Mad Men" (Meditations in an Emergency)

1. Vince Gilligan and J Roberts "Breaking Bad" (Peekaboo)
2. Shawn Ryan "The Shield" (Family Meeting)
3. Michael Angell "Battlestar Galactica" (Blood on the Scales)
4. Bryan Fuller "Heroes" (Cold Snap)
5. Rand Ravich "Life" (One)

Top 5: Harry Potter Characters We'd Most Like to Snog

As I mentioned yesterday, it's Harry Potter week! Liz and I kicked off the celebration by crushing all comers at our local pub trivia contest where this week's quiz finished with an all Harry Potter section (it was really too easy). And here at The Watchword, I thought we'd start things off as we usually do...lusting after people who don't actually exist. Here now are the 5 dreamiest Potter characters (as determined by me):

Oliver Wood - Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team in the first 3 books, Wood can be a bit of a task master, but his good looks and Scottish accent make up for all his faults.

Viktor Krum - I'm a sucker for Eastern European dudes, even if they are a bit dim. Hailing from rival school Durmstrang, Krum is a superstar in the Quiddich world before he's even out of school. Tall, dark, handsome and athletic. Yes, please! (Bonus points for the adorable way he utters Hermionie's name.)

Cedric Diggory - The king of Hogwarts during the Goblet of Fire, every dame wants to date Cedric and every dude wants to be him. Naturally, like all dudes, he has an Asian fetish. It doesn't hurt that he's played by dreamy Robert Pattinson in the movies (I like his hair in that picture. Shut up). Gone too soon. RIP!!!

Remus Lupin - He's a werewolf. Does it get sexier than that?

Bill Weasley - Reportedly, the dreamiest of the Weasley clan, Bill works with dragons and bags Fleur Delacour. Plus, he's a ginger. You didn't think I'd make a list and not include a ginger, did you?

Your own picks in the comments.

Don't look at me like that. You know I love you both, too.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Happy Harry Potter Week!!!

In case you live under a rock and have not been ogling Daniel Radcliffe and/or Emma Watson (depending on your persuasion) for the past few weeks, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince movie comes out this week! We here at The Watchword are serious fans so we're dedicating the entire week to the magical peeps at Hogwarts. Get ready! More to follow...

Friday, July 10, 2009

Friday is for random stories

This one time I was up at the San Diego County building in Kearny Mesa for something to do with work. Now, San Diego County is kind of a hotbed of aviation. Charles Lindbergh's plane was built here, and he trained for his cross Atlantic flight here. Since the weather is usually so nice, a lot of people still fly small private planes here, and plus, we have a huge military presence, so its not odd to look up in the sky and see an experimental Navy jet or a Cessna flying around.

But this one time in Kearny Mesa, I saw a weird convergence of the two: A pair of Marine or Navy jets were up there, doing the Top Gun thing where they're flying together, doing the same manuevers, looking like they might crash into each other at any second; and then also, up in the wild blue yonder, was this little red bi-plane, like the kind you see in old photographs with flappers dancing on the wings.

I was staring at it, and this parking lot attendant came over. She was an older woman, maybe in her 50s or 60s, really short and fairly squat, and she saw me looking at the planes and starts giving me the rundown on everything they have been doing for the last 20 minutes. "The jets were up there and then the bi-plane came in and it was following them for a while, then it hung back" etc., etc., etc. Not knowing a damn thing about aviation, and to be honest, not totally caring, I gave her a polite, "Yeah, it's pretty cool."

Then she tells me, "I live around here and I see the planes all the time and I love it. A lot of people complain about the noise but I tell them, 'That's the sound of freedom right there.'"

"Indeed," I told her.


Thursday, July 9, 2009

Top 5: Movies for Summer Vacation

I obviously don't get summer vacation anymore and my life is all the worse for it. The worst part is I work very near one of the best beaches in the country (IMO) and every day I see tons of tourists and locals enjoying the sand and surf and sunshine and I become very jealous. But this post isn't about me and my irrational jealously. It's about me and the movies I'd watch, over and over again, on summer vacation.

1. Summer School - Dreamy Mark Harmon stars as Mr. Shoop, a gym teacher who's forced to teach summer school because the dbag principal is jealous of his hotness. Of course, summer school is usually full of either losers (see: this movie) or overachieving dorks who want to get lesser classes out of the way so they can take more AP classes during the year (see: my life). Anyway, the students don't want to learn so Mr. Shoop bribes them with favors (he teaches one girl to drive, let's some other degenerates throw a party at his awesome beach house, allows Allison from Melrose Place to crash at his place and start acting like a crazy girlfriend). I think you can see this movie is pretty much the best thing ever. And look at the poster! A dog! In sunglasses! It doesn't get better than that, kids.

2. Field of Dreams - If you haven't seen this, I'm pretty sure that makes you a terrorist.

3. IT/The Stand - These made-for-TV Stephen King miniseries were perfect because they took up most of the day and that's what summer vacation is all about. Spending as little time socializing and running around outside as possible. Amirite?!?!

4. Clue - This is one of my all time favorites. I enjoyed rewatching over and over again in an attempt to spot any inconsistencies between the three endings. I never found any.

5. JFK - Another movie which took up most of the day and another movie so full of detail it seemed there was always something new to discover. I may or may not have also had a serious thing for Kevin Costner. Ah, the follies of youth!

What about you? How did you spend your summer days back when you weren't stuck in an office, enduring the slow soul suck?

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Bye bye, MJ

This is pretty much what I want my funeral to be like, complete with a program, red carpet, people dressed as me, speeches by Al Sharpton and Brooke Shields, and at least one performance by Usher. I don't want it in the Staples Center though, I think that's a little over the top.

Monday, July 6, 2009

An Open Letter to Kelly Clarkson

Rob Pattinson has nothing to do with this post, but I saw him and thought, "Why the hell not?"

Dear Kelly,

Thank you for entertaining me so very much at your concert last night. Sure, I felt a little out of place, being a music snob of sorts and without a gay boyfriend at my side (I'm between such companions at the moment), but I want you to know I sang heartily and totally did your jumping up and down dance when you sang "Since You've Been Gone."

I'm writing to let you know we should pretty much be best friends. We have so much in common! When you joked about your mic pack falling out of your back pocket because you have a big butt, I though, "OMG! I have a big butt, too!" When you told everyone the confessional nature of "Because of You" makes you want to "barf," I thought, "No way! I use the word 'barf' All. The. Time!" and when you covered Janet Jackson's "If" I realized I totally love to dance to that song and may or may not still know the wacky dance moves from the music video!

Needless to say, as your BFF, I promise to never upstage you when you make me one of your backup singers, help you with your psuedo-tragic fashion sense (Seriously. Enough with the terrible black bell-bottoms!), stick up for you when people say you're a lesbian because you don't have a boyfriend (The Stars: They're Just Like Us!) and kill whomever runs Google images for suggesting "Kelly Clarkson fat" when I Google image your name (sometimes, I really hate this universe). So, yeah. Call me Kelly because my life kinda sucks without you.



Saturday, July 4, 2009

Happy Birthday America!

Only I could get sick on the Fourth of July. Needless to say, I don't care. Liz and I will be celebrating our freedom in traditional fashion at our favorite watering hole. Hopefully, you're doing something similar. Be safe! And have fun! You never know when an impromptu dance party may happen upon you!

I'll be somewhere just left of this photo watching fireworks tonight. God bless The Diego!