Now that's mildly entertaining!

Listen, I don’t like reality TV and it doesn’t like me. It’s here to stay though, so my strategy is to just find a series or two that doesn’t make me want to claw my eyes out.

I’ve found a few (Red’s burning, creepy passion for Anthony Bourdain is actually kind of justified; I find myself getting sucked into a lot of “Deadliest Catch” marathons; “The Mole” was great for personal reasons). But I realized last night that someone has found – in my opinion - the ideal format for a reality TV show. Bizarrely enough, that someone is Shaquille O’Neal.

The gargantuan baller starred on a show called “Shaq Vs.” this summer, about which I am alerting you a little late, since it had its finale last night. You can probably catch it online though. The show involves Shaq learning different sports, and then playing them, in minorly rigged fashion, against some of the best athletes in the games. It’s pretty simple and straightforward, and therein lays the genius: it’s like settling the never-ending bear vs. shark debate, in tidy little half-hour packages.

I never thought much of Shaq as a performer to be honest. My boyfriend has a huge man-crush on him and thinks he’s hilarious, but I never really got it. To me, Shaq’s husky monotone voice makes him sound about as smart as a bag of hammers, and I had a sneaking suspicion that if he wasn’t 7’1’’, he wouldn’t be much of an athlete.

As happens once in a blue moon, I was wrong. Shaq is actually an oddly entertaining host, and though he never beat any of the pro-athletes he faced, he never really embarrassed himself either. After only a few weeks of training, he held up surprisingly well against the likes of Oscar de la Hoya and Michael Phelps.

The two things about “Shaq Vs.” that - to me - made it better than your average “Bachelorette” were: (1) It had big name stars, and (2) every episode is short and sweet.

This wasn’t a show full of d-list celebrities and wanna-be d-list celebrities. Shaq squared off against reigning Super Bowl champ Ben Roethlisberger in football, probable 2009 MVP Albert Pujols in baseball, and the aforementioned world champions De la Hoya and Phelps. And at a half-hour long, each episode had just enough time to show Shaq learning a new sport, and playing it against star athletes. There was no time for the usual contrived melodrama that is the most annoying part of reality shows.

Does this mean I’m running out to buy an “O’Neal” Cavaliers jersey, or starting a letter writing campaign to make more episodes? No. All it means is more television producers should take a look at how silly, disposable TV should be done. If I want compelling, stimulating, intelligent stories, I’ll stick to scripted goodness like Mad Men. But when I want something to zone out to while ironing, I’d like fewer housewives of various counties, and more great athletes in ridiculous Speedos.

I read that Shaq actually stole this idea from Steve Nash. Maybe they could do an encore episode in which they play a game of HORSE to settle things? That’s the kind of thing that’s worth half-watching while doing chores around the house.