This (mostly) Just In...

Ricky Martin is Gay - In the least surprising news ever, Ricky told everyone yesterday he is a "fortunate gay man," whatever the hell that means. When I was in Germany in 2000, this dude from Miami told my friends and me a story about how he KNEW Ricky Martin was gay. Well done, Miami dude. Next out of the closet...John Travolta. Sorry Becks!

Dudes are Weird - Every week, I read Drew Magary's Deadspin mailbags (he does two a week) and, like, half of the reader emails are about mundane scenarios made into crazy spy movie plots in the mind of the author. Example:

I used to come home from school, reach into my backpack, out of which I would pull a 3 1/2 inch floppy disk. Oh, but this disk did not contain some mundane homework assignment, paper, or even video game. On this disk was any number of one of the following: 1) A virus, meant to destroy the mainframe of computers of whatever organization or country I was infiltrating, 2) Some sort of top secret profile, either my personal Agent information or the man I have been sent to assassinate, or 3) Some sort of plans, architectural most likely, to any number of things. Most often it was similar to the scene from Star Wars where Darth Vader is demanding that Leia turn over the plans - except I have them, not R2D2! Quick, to the Apple IIGS!

This is just an example. Sometimes, they are imagining how they'd fend off bank robbers or save ladies from falling airplanes. What the eff, dudes? Why are you all so weird?

Castle Renewed for Third Season - The other day I said, "This week on Castle..." and Liz said, "You watch Castle? I didn't think anyone actually watched that." But I do! And it's awesome. Nathan Fillion is pretty much the best thing ever...and now we get to watch him for at least another season. Huzzah!

John Stamos + The Beach Boys = Amazing! - Apparently, tonight on Dancing with the Stars, John Stamos will return to his seat behind the drum kit for The Beach Boys. This just kinda blows my mind a bit. Dave actually saw this fantastic event back in the day at a post-Padres game concert and still raves about it. Tonight, we can all experience it for ourselves.

Things I Don't Get: Bacon

I should preface this by saying I'm not a huge meat eater. I'd say 75% of my meals contain no meat whatsoever. However, I don't get the obsession with bacon.

Now, I understand bacon tastes good. I've enjoyed it on many occasions with my eggs in the morning or on a hamburger or a nice BLT, but more often than not, I ask to have the bacon removed from my burger because it's usually limp and tasteless and, well, unnecessary. Recently, a "friend" of mine included Bacon as one of the five (only 5!) things he'd spend tons of cash on were he to win the lotto while filling out that stupid Facebook quiz on the subject. This made me say, "What the hell?!" and possibly "That's a deal breaker, ladies!" Then you add Baconnaise and the Bacon Explosion and I, personally, think things are a bit out of hand.

Is anyone with me on this? Anyone? Or am I just crazy for preferring sausage in the breakfast meats contest of life?

Things I Don't Get: Crazy Women and the Men Who Love Them

The New York Observer ran a piece recently about 22 year-old Kari Ferrell, aka the "Hipster Grifter." Essentially, Ferrell has duped men from Salt Lake City to NYC out of thousands of dollars by being sexually aggressive and just effing insane! Her game goes something like this: Meet a Guy. Begin dating. Get Guy to pay for everything and/or cash bad checks for thousands of dollars. Tell Guy she's dying of lung cancer while continuing to smoke pot and say things like, "sometimes the cancer doesn't show up on the scans" when a doctor tells Guy she shows no signs of cancer. Act generally crazy. Threaten to commit suicide when Guy decides to break up with her. Run from Guy and the law when the shit hits the fan.

Really, other than maybe all the fraud, we've heard stories of insanity like this before. The part that really baffles are all the men she was able to con. Sure, Ferrell is relatively attractive and, from all accounts, truly charming, but what the hell?! Crazy broke, lying about cancer and threatening suicide girl can get, not one, but several men, while some really nice and only borderline crazy girls like, um, some friends of mine, can't even find one?!

Seriously, dudes, answer the question. What. The. Hell?

Signs I'm Getting Old - Vol. 4

If American Idol and ANTM have taught us anything this season, it's headbands worn on the forehead (like the hippies once favored) are back and huge with the kids.

Lord help me.

Things I Don't Understand: Twitter

So, everyone (my friend Colin) has been bugging me to use Twitter, which is apparently like just your Facebook status updated with every little thing you ever do, say or think. Is this really necessary? I don't even use my Facebook status to actually keep people abreast of what I'm doing...I just put whatever song lyric/movie quote I have in my head at the moment (or I use it to profess my undying love for John Locke. The world needs to know these things!). Can someone please explain this to me? Or am I totally right (as usual) that Twitter is for egomaniacs with too much time on their hands? Well?

Things I Don't Get: The Killer's New Single

Normally, I don't spend much time dissecting song lyrics because, let's face it, a lot of times they just don't make sense (take "I am the eggman," for example. Really John? An eggman? Maybe you are just high). However, "Human," the latest song from The Killers, has me buggin'. The first few times I heard it, I thought Brandon Flowers was asking "Are we human? Or are we dancer?" which frankly, makes no damn sense at all. This morning, I looked up the lyrics and found out he's saying "Are we human? Or are we denser?" which really, well, doesn't make sense either. I've spent the past 45 minutes trying to figure this out. Obviously, he's not sure if we are human, so does he think we are simply more densely populated than humans? Or more stupid? Or we require more concentration to comprehend? I don't get it.

Do you get it? Can you please explain? This song is already everywhere (and I kinda like it), so I have a feeling I'll be pondering this question for at least a month. And again I prove the list of reasons my life is sad could, like, pave a sidewalk of paper around the globe. Probably twice.

Here's an idea: make sense! And get haircuts, you damn hippies!

[Update]: Apparently the lyrics are "Are we human, or are we dancer?" and according to this post on Amazon, Brandon Flowers said, "the lyrics were inspired by a disparaging comment made by Hunter S. Thompson about how America was raising a generation of dancers." So, I guess that sort of makes sense, in a Hunter S. Thompson kinda way. I told you I would think about this for way too long.