Friday, October 30, 2009

This (mostly) Just In...

It's Friday! And tomorrow is Halloween! Life. Is. Good. Some other things enhancing it at the moment...

Subtle Sexuality! - New webisodes from The Office feature my potential BFF Kelly Kapoor (seriously, I wish she was real) and The New Pam (aka Erin) singing a Lady Gaga-esque ode to Ryan called "Male Prima Donna." It's totally rad and will be stuck in my head for the entire day.

That's a Dealbreaker Ladies! - While we're on the subject of faux websites, here's one for Liz Lemon's dealbreaker book. Sadly, it's kind of lame.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies Prequel! - I liked PP&Z, but I thought it was, oddly enough, a little too faithful to the original. This prequel is in the style of Jane Austen, but includes all original material...which sounds more up my alley.

Happy Halloween!
- As Liz mentioned yesterday, we're having a party and it will be, as I'm sure you can imagine, totally awesome...especially now that we've received your fantastic song ideas. (However, it may be slightly hindered by my carved pumpkin which is, for the record, the worst carved pumpkin in the history of ever. The seeds I roasted are delicious, though.) Wish you could be there, but since you can't, tell us all about your costumes in the comments. Be safe! Don't give away the Reese's!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

There's gotta be more to life than "The Monster Mash"

Red and I are throwing a Halloween party this weekend (we're gonna look super '60s sexy as the cast of Mad Men) and we're at the point in our planning where we're thinking about the music.

As always, we need your help: What are some good, creepy Halloween party songs? Obviously there's "Thriller," and probably a lot of stuff my Metallica and Slayer, but we're trying to think outside the box here.

Ideas in the comments section, please!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Beer of the Month

Since there are so many beer lovers around these parts, I thought I'd start a "beer of the month club," if you will, where we tell you about an awesome beer we've discovered and you respond by telling us how awesome Dogfish Head is compared to that beer. Sound like fun? Good. Here goes...

This past Friday, I met some friends at a new bar in the cool part of town (aside: "You've Got to Hide Your Love Away" came on the jukebox at one point and I was singing along (natch) and I made eye contact with a dude at the next table and he was singing along, too. He came over and gave me a high-five and said, "I think we're the only people in here who know this song" and that made me really sad) and had a Bootlegger's Black Phoenix. OMFG was it delicious. It's an American Stout with coffee and chipotle pepper! Chipotle, people. Simply genius. I could not get enough (and considering it's a limited edition, that really sucks). However, I've since discovered several brewers make something similar so there is hope.

I'm still dreaming about it's deliciousness this very second. Liz, wanna grab a beer tonight after band practice?

My graphic design skillz are sick!!!

What you got?

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Too soon?

For those of you not dedicated enough to order tickets in advance, or too Grandma to go see a movie at midnight on a school night, you can stream the Michael Jackson movie "This is It" LIVE right here tonight at 7:30 Eastern/4:30 Pacific.

For those of you who don't really care .... I call BS because everyone cares about MJ now that he's dead!


Monday, October 26, 2009

This (mostly) Just In...

Peggy Olsen Marries Fred Armisen - Okay, fine. Elizabeth Moss married Fred Armisen. Why's everybody always gotta remind me Mad Men is, in fact, only a TV show? Geez!

(Pssst...those of you who live in my alternate universe...How do you think Pete and Duck will feel about this?!)

Ricky Gervais to Host the Golden Globes! - Ricky is always amazing. Always. I dare you to name one thing he's not absolutely terrific in. Go ahead...I'll've got nothing, amirite?

Boom! Roasted!

(I may be misusing that phrase)

Smarter, Younger Wife = Happier Marriage - Some study by the stupid British claims men should marry women at least 5 years younger than themselves to stave off divorce. Great. Just what dudes my age need...further reasons to date co-eds. Though! It does say men should date women smarter than themselves (I love that the article uses Jay-Z and Beyonce as the prime example here and says, "Beyonce has her high school diploma, unlike husband Jay-Z.") So, yeah, stop being intimidated by smart women, you dummies!

(Sorry! I don't know why I'm being so mean today. I really do love you.)

Andrew Lloyd Webber has Cancer
- Anyone who knows me, knows I love the musicals (in fact, I was singing Jesus Christ Superstar on my way to work this morning), and ALW is the king, so here's hoping he beats this thing! Get well soon, m'Lord!

Rant: Shut the Eff Up!

Yesterday, I saw the new Michael Moore documentary, Capitalism: A Love Story (which I won't really discuss here for political reasons, but I think you should see it). Now, I go to the movies almost weekly, so I have a system of sorts when I walk into the theater. I like to sit about halfway between the screen and the rear of the theater, smack in the middle, with no one beside, in front of or behind me. I hate, hate, hate if someone I don't know sits in the seat next to me and will move if space is available to avoid strangers in my bubble. Sometimes this isn't possible...yesterday was one of those times.

You can never tell who will talk their way through a movie. Oftentimes, the people who yell over the previews are quiet a mice during the actual movie (btw, where did that phrase come from? "Quiet as a mouse"? As someone current dealing with mice in her freaking bedroom walls, I can tell you, they are not quiet. In fact, they can be quite noisy as they try to claw through your walls at 3am every morning to give you the Black Plague!!! Someone get mjenks on this for me (to discover the origins of the phrase...not solve my mice problem...or can he?!)). My point is (yes I have one) the lady next to me yesterday insisted on narrating Michael Moore's already adequately narrated film. The opening scenes of a family being evicted were astutely met with "It's an eviction! It's an eviction!" from my Seat Neighbor. When Moore delved into Reganomics, SN mused "That's when it all began!" like, 5 times. And when talk turned of the recent hardships at a Chicago factory, SN cried, "That's right! They had a sit-in!" before the movie revealed this information. It's kinda like when I saw Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and the nerd next to me in a freaking cape(!) told me Harry was unwrapping an invisibility cloak before the move made it known. How about a "Spoiler Alert" dork?!

When did it become okay to talk in the movies? I know it's still not technically okay, but so many people do it. And even if they don't talk incessantly or forget to turn off and then answer their cell phones (again(!)), they make small comments throughout and drive everyone bananas. Like the old couple behind me (sorry, old people. You really are the worst culprits) when I saw As Good As It Gets, who marveled aloud at Jack Nicholson's OCD ("Wow. He's got a lot of soap!" "And it's so straight and tidy!" Gah!). I have noticed people don't talk during the movie at the art house theater. There's one thing the hipsters have going for them.

Really, though, talking in the movies is just a small part of a much larger problem. The world getting ruder and more self-centered. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. No one cares what you have to say...especially when they've paid $12 to watch a movie you didn't make. STFU!

We are all doomed.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Top 5: Oddest Celebrity Couples

I'm feeling judgey today. How about you? Here are, IMHO, the weirdest celebs currently doing it:

Mila Kunis and Macaulay Culkin - Apparently, they've been friends since childhood. Learning about this match up just made me scratch my head. He went from this to this? Talk about upgrade!

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes
- I don't think anyone in the world believes this is true, undying love, but they did produce a freaking adorable little girl.

David Cross and Amber Tamblyn
- I actually like that they're together because they both seem super cool, but it's a match I'd never have imagined in a million years.

Kristin Bell and Dax Shepard - Love her...can't stand him. K. Bell! You can do so much better!

Christina Hendricks and Geoffrey Arend - Dudes everywhere are pissed the ginger goddess married the guy who eats the bag of pot and 'shrooms in Super Troopers...and I can't say I blame them. C. Hend totally gave unattractive men everywhere an excuse to hold out for hotness they will probably never achieve. Once again I say, we are all doomed.

The celeb couples that make you say WTF/Why The Face in the comments...

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Mid-week Ramble

Here's a few thoughts and observations swirling in my head on this lovely hump day:

- The big headline across Monday’s Wall Street Journal was “Colleagues Finger Billionaire.” Were there no 12-year-olds in the Journal offices to explain how that headline was hilariously inappropriate?

- There’s an ad that always pops up in my Yahoo! email inbox that says, “Find black singles in your area!” We all know that these companies have software that reads our emails so they can better tailor ads to our tastes, so I’m wondering what in my email is causing this ad to keep popping up? Maybe it’s related to my Salt N Pepa Fan Club membership.

- Seriously though, I do love Salt N Pepa.

- A few months back, my boyfriend was looking into starting his own business, but the bank wouldn’t give him a loan. The loan officer said, “Don’t you have a rich uncle or something who can give you the money?” It got me wondering, is it really that common to have a rich uncle who will lend you money? Like, is this the big secret to getting rich that all these so-called "self-made" millionaires aren’t telling us? If so, guess I'll never be rich.

- The Yankees are totally winning the World Series this year. I know - Vom. It.

- Have you guys been watching ESPN’s "30 for 30" documentaries? I mentioned them once before in this long, rambling blog entry. They’re really good though. I didn’t know anything about the USFL until last night, and now I’m mad at Donald Trump for killing it. Bandit Ball looked rad!

- I occasionally write music reviews for this Web site. We’re compiling a Top 100 albums of the decade list, and all us contributors had to compile our own Top 100 lists. Here’s my personal Top 10:

1. Arcade Fire – Funeral
2. Radiohead – Kid A
3. The Postal Service – Give Up
4. Sufjan Stevens – Come on, Feel the Illinois
5. Rilo Kiley – The Execution of all Things
6. Wilco – Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
7. Bright Eyes – Lifted or…
8. The White Stripes – Elephant
9. Death Cab for Cutie – The Photo Album
10. The New Pornographers – Twin Cinema

Prove me wrong, nerds!

Monday, October 19, 2009

At The Movies: Where the Wild Things Are

Like most people of a certain age, Where the Wild Things Are was one of my absolute favorite books when I was a child. So it stands to reason I would go alone, on date night, to ensure I saw the Spike Jonze live-action film adaption as soon as possible.

I loved it. Everything about it. The performances (especially that of young Max Records as Max (how fitting) and James Gandolfini as Carol), the look, the liberal story adaptation, the articulate nature of the Wild Things. It made me laugh and cry (a seriously, through the entire damn thing. I may have a problem). In short, it was effing beautiful. See

P.S. I also watched Tell Them Anything You Want, a biography of WTWTA author Maurice Sendak, on HBO this weekend. Lovely. Add it to the list of reasons you need HBO, silly monster.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

A boy and a balloon walk into a bar ...

Hooray! The balloon boy wasn't in the balloon after all and is safe and sound. This is great for two reasons: (1) Its always goods for missing kids to be found safe, and (2) Now we can make jokes!!!

Everyone put your best Balloon Boy jokes in the comment section. Winner gets the joy of bringing laughter to the world.

Oh Frabjous Day!

You guys!!! Hulu and Youtube and Gmail are no longer blocked at work!!! (shhhhh...don't tell anyone, lest the IT Nazis realize and rob me of future happiness.) Also, tonight is the Season 4 premiere of 30 Rock. To celebrate, here's VIDEO from HULU of Tina Fey TALKING!:

Seriously. Best. Day. Ever.

(my life is so effing sad)

Update: And we're blocked again. I think I might cry.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

For the home team

As I understand it, in ancient Greece, city-states would assert their dominance by sending their armies to invade other city-states, taking their land, gold and giant flying dragons.

(Keep in mind, most of my knowledge on this period comes from watching “300”).

Since creating a municipal army and sending it to invade say, Cleveland is frowned upon nowadays, modern cities and states , at least in America, assert their dominance through more subtle means: population, housing prices, gross domestic product. But let’s face it, those means are boring; not only because those are races New York and LA will always win, but because deep down, what we all really want to do is fight each other.

So, we have sports. We have leagues with franchises named after cities or states or regions, and people from those cities root for their respective teams. Instead of gathering up the people of San Diego and having them fight San Francisco, we watch the Chargers play the 49ers.

Somehow, this works. Philadelphia might not command the same attention as Los Angeles in most matters, but on the baseball diamond last year, the Phillies beat the Dodgers to go to the World Series, and that allowed Philadelphians to shout a big “In your face!” to Angelinos. I’m sure it felt great.

But when you really think about it, why? Last night I watched the ESPN “30 for 30” documentary on the Baltimore Colts’ band. The band was made up of Colts fans, and when the Colts’ owner spirited the team away to Indianapolis in 1984, the band kept playing, first just at Baltimore events, then at other NLF games.

The band members kept insisting that the team was theirs, and that owner Robert Irsay had no right to move them. Irsay countered that he owned them, and could do whatever the hell he wanted. He was a villain, but the thing is, he wasn’t wrong.

The Baltimore Colts were a franchise, just like the Quiznos around the corner. Irsay could have called the team the Irsay Colts if he wanted, but he named them after Baltimore because that made the most sense from a marketing standpoint. If your local Quiznos closed, you’d probably shrug and just go to the Subway down the street. Why couldn’t that Colts band just go root for the Green Bay Packers?

Besides, teams change every year anyway. If your favorite band put out 3 crappy albums, you’d probably stop following them, right? Yet the people of Pittsburgh still consider the Pirates their own, after dozens of bad seasons.

Why do we think sports teams actually represent us? Most of the players and coaches aren’t from the region where they play, and they’ll always leave for more money. The owners consider the region as a marketing tool, nothing more.

There are the obvious answers. One, teams bring regions together. You can chat with complete strangers because you have the Knicks or the Bruins or the Braves in common. Two, teams give a region a sense of identity. The Baltimore fans in that documentary talked about how their city was often derided as a “traffic jam between Washington, DC and New York.” But on Sundays, Baltimore mattered because it was the home of the Colts.

But can’t you argue that a major company does the same thing? People in Detroit were once united by the auto industry. And if the Seattle Seahawks changed their name to the Starbucks Seahawks, they’d have access to a bigger fan base. Why are sports teams different?

I have my own theories, but as a treat to the 3 of you who actually read this whole thing, I’m going to throw it open to the comments. Type away, my pretties. Type away.

This (mostly) Just In...

Tracy Morgan Me-Cards - These are all hilarious. I wish I had a reason to send any of them to anyone. This excerpt from his new book is also truly amazing. "What up, Lorne Michaels!"

Amy Winehouse = New Album in 2010 - Like she'll still be alive in 2010.

Indians Want Their Flag - I'm not gonna lie...I'm not 100% sure what Farmville is...though I have been invited to play a time or two on Facebook. BUT apparently it has something to do with virtual farming? And flags? And you can't add an Indian flag or something? I don't really know or care, but if hot Indian dudes are upset, I'm upset!

January Jones: Gorgeous and Cool - Apparently, she eats at Chili's, likes football and can drink more beer than your mom. And in the new GQ she's showing off her rack. Great...just, great...

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Going postal

Sometimes you need to vent. When you have a blog, you vent in public. It’s a 21st Century quirk. Here are some things that are stickin’ in my craw lately. Please feel free to commiserate.


The Post Office: I went to mail a package on my lunch break today, and there’s a line out the door. Three people are working, looking miserable in that distinct "Postal employee" way. At least two other able-bodied, cash register-trained workers are milling about aimlessly, not doing anything while the line persists. Listen, I know "the mail never stops," and wearing a uniform’s a drag, but you guys get pensions, free health care and freakin’ Columbus Day off! Would it kill you to jump behind the counter and sell some stamps?

Halloween: Traditionally, All Hallow’s Eve is one of my favorite holidays. So maybe I am officially old because this year I kind of can’t be bothered. Me and some friends planned to dress up as the cast of "Mad Men," and I was excited about that, but now I’m realizing that means combing thrift stores for an outfit and figuring out how to give myself Peggy Olson bangs, never mind finding a party to go to, and I’m not really sure I’m up for it.

My sinuses: I know I complain about my allergies a lot, but they made me miss trivia last night, and I hear there was an Irish Heritage/Kennedy category that I would have KILLED, so now its personal. I’ve had a wheezy cough and a constant sinus headache for a few years now, I’ve made peace with that. But for the last week, I’ve also had a runny nose, lots of sneezing and general exhaustion. It might be time for me to suck it up and start getting “the shots.”

Nouveau Red Sox fans: I only became a “serious” Red Sox fan in the late ‘90s, so it feels weird to call out newbies, but after hearing some people complain about getting bounced by the Angels in the ALDS, I gotta pull some rank. The Red Sox have won two World Series in 5 years. We have nothing to complain about. There are a million teams (OK, 22) who would have killed just to make the playoffs. The reason losses like ’86, ’99 and ’03 used to hurt so badly was because we hadn’t won in forever and wondered if we ever would. That’s over. Quit complaining. You sound like a-holes. Or worse, Yankee fans.

The fact that it's only Tuesday: Honestly, this is probably what it all boils down to.

You know what? I think it's time for some corgi puppies eating a shoe. There's nothing that can't be solved with corgi puppies eating a shoe.

Ahhh, much better.

At The Movies: A Serious Man

I had the day off yesterday and believe I am now, officially, the only person who still gets Columbus Day off. Sweet! Anyway, I took advantage of the time and saw the new Coen Brother's movie A Serious Man. The film can be described in one word: Jewy* (I was calling it the Jewiest Movie Ever, but then I remembered someone made Yentl, so now it's a toss up).

Set in 1967 Minnesota, A Serious Man is apparently loosely based on the Midwestern community of the Coens' youth. The film follows Larry Gopnik, a physics professor, who's life is in turmoil. He turns to his local rabbis for help and guidance and they, frankly, aren't much help. As in life, a lot happens in A Serious Man, but in the end, you're left wondering "What's it all about Alfie?" I kind of have no idea, but I know I enjoyed it. The cast is wonderful and it feels very Coen, which is always a good thing. Perhaps if I were Jewish it would have made more sense. You should check it out and see if you have a clearer understanding of it all. Then report back.

This is a terrible review. I apologize.

* FYI, this is totally a good thing...especially coming from someone who's wished she was Jewish since she first laid eyes on Miles Silverberg in the 6th grade.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Hometown Beer Buffet

According to Men's Journal, San Diego is the top beer town in the country. Better than Chicago...or Milwaukee...or Portland. San Diego has 33 microbreweries and a truly amazing array of beer, my favorite being Stone IPA, which I tell every beer fan I know about. Crazy delicious.

Also, the best part is, I apparently live blocks away from the "nation's best beer boulevard." This new knowledge makes this, perhaps, the best day ever.

Feel free to name your favorite brew and refute San Diego's irrefutable greatness in the comments.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

This (mostly) Just In...

I realized last night I've been kind of obnoxious lately. This happens regularly...I start being mouthy and annoying people (mostly myself) and I have to reign it in and say to myself "What would Joan Holloway do?" and I think we all know the answer to lovely and shut the eff up! Then people start liking me again (I think). Anyway, today I will try not to ruffle any feathers. Let's see how that goes...

It's Fall! - There's definitely a nip in the San Diego air and if Facebook statuses are to be believed, it's chilly just about everywhere. This is so exciting! Autumn is by far my favorite season (yes, we do have seasons in SoCal...sorta). The other three seasons can suck it!

It's Baseball Playoff Time! - What a tiebreaker game last night! I'm rooting for the Twins because they are the only team I don't hate.

South Park Debuts New Season Tonight! - After 13 seasons, it's still one of the funniest things on TV. Waaaaay better than Family Guy. That show totally sucks.

Australia to Curb Alcohol Consumption! - Aussies attending a popular car race will be limited to only 24 beers a day. Only! Good Lord, that's a lot of beer. I can't recall the highest number of beers I've consumed in one day, but I'm sure it wasn't even close to half of that. New goal! (kidding! Please don't send me concerned emails about my drinking habits.)

Happy Wednesday, friends. Halfway to the three day weekend (assuming your job grants you a day off for the worst Federal Holiday by a mile)!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Rant: Someone Get Peggy Olsen on This!

So I'm house sitting this week...which means I don't have my DVR...which means I watch things I normally wouldn' Dancing With the Stars. But that's not important right now! What's really troubling are the ads they run during the show (I also don't usually watch commercials anymore, which has made my life perhaps a zillion times better. Yep. Definitely a zillion). These ads are mostly aimed at women and they mostly piss me off! (Look out, Brand New. The femi-nazi hat is comin' out!)

Take the ad for Latisse, featuring Brook Sheilds, a prescription formula which promises to "grow eyelashes, making them longer, thicker and darker." Because, obviously, if you don't have long, thick, dark lashes, you are not beautiful, doncha know? WTF, world? We have to worry about our gd eyelashes now?! This also pisses me off when I think about the current heath care fiasco in this country. Give lots of money to drug companies, they say. It will help find a cure for terrible diseases, they cry. Uh, no. Actually, millions will be spent to research, develop and market a product so women DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT THEIR EYELASHES!!!

Also, when did they start advertising Nutella a) in the US and b) as a health food? Moms, I know it's really tough to get your kids to eat toast(!) in the morning, so just slather it with this chocolate hazelnut spread! Not only will your kids eat that disgusting toast, they'll be well on their way to obese diabetes-ville!

We are all doomed.

Friday, October 2, 2009

The Best of Ochocinco on Hard Knocks

For anyone who hasn't seen this clip of Chad Ochocinco on HBO's "Hard Knocks," brace yourself.

Get Chad's thoughts on finances, diet and more. Please enjoy, root for my fantasy team (The Bangkok Shockers) and have a great GITWeekend...

Thursday, October 1, 2009

The List: Vol. 4

Some things I've been digging lately...

Movie - The Hurt Locker: The story of bomb dismantlers in Iraq starring the hotness that is Jeremy Renner. I enjoyed the character development...which is actually minimal. Really, the film is about American heroes doin' work. And who would have guessed the best action director in America would be female? Grrl Powa!!! I don't think this is still in theaters, so look for it on DVD soon.

TV - Curb Your Enthusiasm: Christ almighty is Larry David hilarious. The Seinfeld cast begins showing up this week. I can't wait!

Book - The Girls from Ames by Jeffery Zaslow: The real life story of 11 women who've been friends since childhood, growing up in the small town of Ames, Iowa. It made me laugh and cry and realize how special friendships between women truly are.

Music - Phoenix: Liz hooked me up recently with 2 albums by this French pop band and I Cannot. Stop. Listening.

Blog - APOCALYPSTICK: I've spent the entire morning reading the hilarious posts by this would be actress in LA (errr...I mean, I've been working super hard, boss!). Seriously funny stuff. Che-che-che-che-check it out...on non-company time, obvs.