Coco: Live!

I just bought 2 tickets to see Conan O'brien live, on stage, in San Diego at the end of April. On a scale of 1 to 10, how jealous are you?

Top 5: New Things that Make me Jealous and/or Annoyed

I've done this before, but the world never ceases to create things that make me jealous and/or annoyed, so let's do it again!

Things that Make me Jealous

1. Snow Days - This may come as a surprise to you all, but we never get snowed in here in Southern California. It sucks, man! I want to stock up on food and drinks and sit at home for a few days when I should be working. You people in the rest of the country have all the fun. *hrmpf*

2. Emily Blunt - She's gorgeous and has the cutest boyfriend on the planet. Plus, she's super talented and English. Some people get all the good stuff.

3. Anthony Bourdain - Does anyone in the world have a better job? Do you have any idea how good I would be at traveling the world, being snarky and eating? True calling = missed.

Things that Annoy Me

1. Google Buzz - I totally resent, after successfully avoiding Twitter, that Gmail has essentially forced it upon me...or they did until I figured out how to hide it. +1 Me.

2. Valentine's Day - For the record, it doesn't bug me because I'm single. It bugs me because it's a sham to get people to spend money in February for no really good reason. I'm kinda over all pre-determined gift-giving holidays, actually. If I want to give you a gift, I'll send it to you on May 14th if I want...and you'll like it, damn it!

Sorry. I may have gotten a little carried away.

So what makes you jealous and/or annoyed?

Awkwaaard!

This (mostly) Just In...

Tracy Morgan Me-Cards - These are all hilarious. I wish I had a reason to send any of them to anyone. This excerpt from his new book is also truly amazing. "What up, Lorne Michaels!"

Amy Winehouse = New Album in 2010 - Like she'll still be alive in 2010.

Indians Want Their Flag - I'm not gonna lie...I'm not 100% sure what Farmville is...though I have been invited to play a time or two on Facebook. BUT apparently it has something to do with virtual farming? And flags? And you can't add an Indian flag or something? I don't really know or care, but if hot Indian dudes are upset, I'm upset!

January Jones: Gorgeous and Cool - Apparently, she eats at Chili's, likes football and can drink more beer than your mom. And in the new GQ she's showing off her rack. Great...just, great...

This (mostly) Just In...

Alexander Skarsgard and Evan Rachel Wood Dating - Dude, Evan Rachel Wood gets around! Yet another romance born on the set of True Blood. At least they're both vampires...or something. (For the record, this does not make me totally jealous. Really. It doesn't...at all. *sniff*)

A Day Without Cats - Today on the interwebs, 40 sites have decided to refrain from posting pictures and videos of cats being adorable (I Can Has Cheezburger is not among them, obvs). Why? Why would the world want to be so cruel?! I mean, I get a Day Without Megan Fox, but cute pictures of kittehs gets me through the day!!!

Why would anyone want to me deny this kitty?!?!?!?

Glee Returns Tonight - After geeking out before the initial "premiere" and kind of being the slightest bit disappointed, I'm moderately excited for the series to begin for reals. Even if the show itself continues to be on the "Meh+" side, the tracklisting for the show's soundtrack looks ah-mazing!

Three Things I Never Want to Hear About Again - The Gosselin's (DIE), the Obama school speech (not to get too political, but conservatives are retarded), Tila Tequila and Shawne Merriman.

Things I Don't Get: Crazy Women and the Men Who Love Them

The New York Observer ran a piece recently about 22 year-old Kari Ferrell, aka the "Hipster Grifter." Essentially, Ferrell has duped men from Salt Lake City to NYC out of thousands of dollars by being sexually aggressive and just effing insane! Her game goes something like this: Meet a Guy. Begin dating. Get Guy to pay for everything and/or cash bad checks for thousands of dollars. Tell Guy she's dying of lung cancer while continuing to smoke pot and say things like, "sometimes the cancer doesn't show up on the scans" when a doctor tells Guy she shows no signs of cancer. Act generally crazy. Threaten to commit suicide when Guy decides to break up with her. Run from Guy and the law when the shit hits the fan.

Really, other than maybe all the fraud, we've heard stories of insanity like this before. The part that really baffles are all the men she was able to con. Sure, Ferrell is relatively attractive and, from all accounts, truly charming, but what the hell?! Crazy broke, lying about cancer and threatening suicide girl can get, not one, but several men, while some really nice and only borderline crazy girls like, um, some friends of mine, can't even find one?!

Seriously, dudes, answer the question. What. The. Hell?

Super Nerd is the Watchword

Okay, you guys. Prepare yourselves to be super jealous. See, I have this friend who worked at Google for a spell and she went into the Google store and bought me this:


I know, I know. I can't believe how cool I am either.

This (mostly) Just In...

Ricky Gervais on Inside the Actor's Studio - The British funny man will sit down with James Lipton Monday night. I haven't watched this show in ages, but I'd watch Ricky do just about anything (I even saw Ghost Town and enjoyed it more than expected).

More Terrible Ideas: Karate Kid Remake - The hits just keep on comin'. Jackie Chan is in talks to play Mr. Miyagi while Will Smith's son Jayden is slated to play the new Daniel. Who's leg do I have to sweep to make this horrible idea go away?

No A.I. Posts For You - So, I'm sure you know American Idol is back with Season 8 and I realize you are totally missing my recaps, but I am forgoing them this season to let another shine. If you really want truly hilarious recaps, go see BeckEye. Trust me. You won't miss mine at all.

Don't Check the San Diego Weather Forecast - Seriously, don't do it. Unless you really enjoy weeping with jealousy.

Name Dropping

Note: This post idea stolen from Dr. Zibbs.

By now, my Michelle Williams story is legendary (what? you don't know that story? click on the link, but be prepared to totally hate her because she ruined my 17th birthday), but I've known a few other pseudo-famous people in my time. Set your feelings-o-meter to jealous.

Jacob Underwood: O-Town - The resident a-hole in the worst boyband in history, Jacob and I grew up together. We even traveled for a few months around the West Coast singing for young kids (he used to call me Mother Theresa. I can't remember why). Then he went on the OG Making the Band (the one without P. Diddy) and ensured O-Town's place in craptastic history. Now, he apparently lives in Nashville, still has white-boy dreads and is trying to make it in country music. Good luck, Jake.

Ryan Hansen: Veronica Mars - I know I am one of 50 people who watched Veronica Mars, but you all know it existed, right? Ryan played the hilarious Dick Casablancas, the comic relief of the girl-detective dramedy. I know Ryan's parents and his wife better than I know Ryan, but he still gave me a hug last time I saw him so, you know, we're tight.

Craig Slike: The Mole - I met Craig the same night I met Liz (really big night). He told me I looked like his dead aunt who once dated Desi Arnaz, so naturally, Craig is awesome.

Christopher Walken: All Things Cool and Balls of Fury - While doing the requisite white girl trip around Europe, I was leading my friends down the streets of Prague and saw Christopher Walken headed towards me. I passed him, turned around to my friends and mouthed/pointed "That's Christopher Walken!!!" My friend Monick made eye contact with him and said "Hey!" to which he replied, as only Walken can, "Why, hello." It was totally freaking awesome.

I've also met Nancy Travis, Mykelti Williamson, seen Michael Caine on the street in Chicago, Jay-Z in his Lambo in NYC and attended high school with the girl who drives the bus of hot chicks at the end of Dumb and Dumber. You are so jealous right now, you can hardly stand it.

An Open Letter to the Creator of the Universe

Dear God,

Please let me age as well as Helen Mirren.

Thanks,

Red

P.S. If I could look that hot now, I'd be okay with that, too.

Top 5: Things That Make me Jealous

It's time once again for Red to astound you with her craziness. Here are 5 things that make me totally jealous:

1. JDate - Being of the gentile persuasion, I'm totally bummed I can't join JDate (the Jewish only dating site) to meet a nice Jewish boy. Now, I've never joined an online dating site (because I can harass men on the internet for free), but I really want to join JDate. Damn you Miles Silverberg for making the Jews so darn irresistible!

2. Falwless - She's funny and has more profile views, comments and blog admirers than I do...and she's been blogging for about half the time. If I didn't love her so much, I'd wish horrible things on her...like having to marry Adam Levine.

3. Boston - As a Padres fan, I'm very jealous of their kick ass sports teams. I'm also jealous of a little thing they have called history. It would be nice to see the occasional building built before 1972. Plus, they have a funny accent. Who doesn't like funny accents? No one, that's who.

4. Ladies Who Lunch - Sometimes on my lunch break, I venture to fancy Del Mar where fabulous looking people eat lunch and shop all day. I don't want to brag or anything, but I am the best luncher in the known universe. I should totally be one of these ladies.

5. Whoever gets to shag James Franco - That's one lucky bitch.

Your turn. Thank God it's the weekend.