I Don't Get It, but I like it!

I'm not entirely sure what these new Allstate ads are all about, but I love having Ryan O'Riley/Johnny Gavin/Dennis Duffy pop up regularly on my TV:

What in the What?

Have you guys seen this new Nike ad with Tiger Woods? It's just a closeup of Tiger looking like he's going to cry, while the disembodied voice of his dead father wonders if he's learned anything.



I have no idea what this is supposed to do: Humanize him? Make us feel sorry for him? Remind us all of our own immortality, and therefore Tiger's immortality, thus forcing us to forgive his sins as he would forgive ours? Induce us to buy Nike golf shoes? No clue. What I do know is that I bet my boyfriend $2 that Tiger won't make the cut at the Masters, and this doesn't make me regret it.

Rant: Someone Get Peggy Olsen on This!

So I'm house sitting this week...which means I don't have my DVR...which means I watch things I normally wouldn't...like Dancing With the Stars. But that's not important right now! What's really troubling are the ads they run during the show (I also don't usually watch commercials anymore, which has made my life perhaps a zillion times better. Yep. Definitely a zillion). These ads are mostly aimed at women and they mostly piss me off! (Look out, Brand New. The femi-nazi hat is comin' out!)

Take the ad for Latisse, featuring Brook Sheilds, a prescription formula which promises to "grow eyelashes, making them longer, thicker and darker." Because, obviously, if you don't have long, thick, dark lashes, you are not beautiful, doncha know? WTF, world? We have to worry about our gd eyelashes now?! This also pisses me off when I think about the current heath care fiasco in this country. Give lots of money to drug companies, they say. It will help find a cure for terrible diseases, they cry. Uh, no. Actually, millions will be spent to research, develop and market a product so women DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT THEIR EYELASHES!!!

Also, when did they start advertising Nutella a) in the US and b) as a health food? Moms, I know it's really tough to get your kids to eat toast(!) in the morning, so just slather it with this chocolate hazelnut spread! Not only will your kids eat that disgusting toast, they'll be well on their way to obese diabetes-ville!

We are all doomed.

Are You Interesting?

The Most Interesting Man in the World is looking for an assistant (apparently, his old assistant died on the job. Exciting, no?). You can apply for the job here, but first you'll need to arm wrestle a deceased head of state (Mao, Churchill or Stalin. I could totally take Stalin), send a courier pigeon, and develop a mantra (a la "Stay thirsty, my friends"). Is it just me or is this the greatest ad campaign since "Where's the Beef?" It is just me, isn't it? Well, considering all the Dos Equis I consumed this weekend, it's totally working.

The Most Interesting Man's thoughts on rollerblading: "No."