At the Movies: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

With Red on vacation, I feel the need to post something to satiate your addled little brains. I’ve settled on Indiana Jones.

I saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Friday night, and what can I say - I liked it. I thought the stunts were cool, the CGI was kept to a minimum, and Harrison Ford can still rock the fedora. (In a fun moment towards the end, they make it look like he’s sort of passing the mantle to Shia LeBeouf, but then Harrison quickly takes it back. (I know some people really didn’t like Shia LeBeouf. Though I may not hold the same torch for him as Red, I think he did a decent job)).

A few complaints: The ending was kind of weird/lame. (At the risk of giving too much away, it reeks of Spielberg and Lucas). And while it was great to have Karen Allen back, what’s the fun of it if she’s not doing shots with Sherpas, or something along those lines? Cate Blanchett clearly had a good time with her accent and black bob, but the Soviets weren’t quite as good villains as the Nazis. Is anyone?

Those things aside though, I liked it. I enjoyed myself. It got my heart rate going and I jumped out of my seat at least once. I think it’s worth seeing in the theatre with the big screen and the big sound and the occasional person in costume. You’re still OK by me, Dr. Jones.

That being said, there's probably no need for a fifth one. K? Thanks.

Add This to Your Queue: The Orphanage

Last night, I let creepy little kids totally freak me out when I popped in the Spanish film The Orphanage. Produced by Guillermo del Toro, The Orphanage is a terrific thriller, as we've come to expect from the Spanish (see: The Others for further evidence). Laura (played by Spanish actress Belen Ruida, who totally looks like a cross between Embeth Davidz and Maria Bello) is a former orphan who returns to her childhood home with her husband and child to open a school for "special" children. Strange things begin happening with Laura's son, Simon, and with the house...and creepy little kids become involved. If you like thrillers, especially those with style, and don't mind subtitles, check out The Orphanage. It's a great way to spend a rainy weekend (as we are expecting in San Diego).

In other news, I will be on vacation all next week. I'm sure Liz will swing by to entertain you and, if you're really lucky, Dave and Garney will pop by, too. Try not to miss me too much.

Sex and the City: The Rant

Sex and the City is my Titanic (Titanic is one of my many movie analogies…it’s a good movie, starring arguably the best leading actors of my generation, which causes people (manly men) to roll their eyes in annoyance whenever it’s mentioned because it became bigger than life and many, many irritating women claim it’s the greatest thing ever). Same thing happened with Sex and the City. It was once a smart, hilarious, all too close to home look at single women and sex that only a few million people watched each week. It’s still all those things, but it’s become so mainstream, with the re-runs on TBS and people like Miley Cyrus claiming it’s their favorite TV show, that now people (mainly men) find it highly annoying. Now, to annoy the fellas even more, here comes the movie, which I am beyond excited to see (even if the trailer gives away more plot points than I’d like). However, I’m quite annoyed with on major thing…all this talk of marriage.

Carrie Bradshaw is the quintessential single gal. She dates inappropriate men, spends her disposable income on shoes and drinks with friends, and has a fabulous career. When we last left her, she had finally worked things out with Mr. Big...the long time love of her life (other than Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte, obvs)...and looked poised to settle down and kick off her single shoes. And that's cool. I don't need Carrie to remain single forever, but I take issue with her wedding to Mr. Big being the goal, the payoff. The trailer is basically pornography for wedding obsessed women. And the Vogue article promoting SATC this month (which contains some of the greatest photos of SJP and Chris Noth you could ever imagine) says, “When Michael Patrick King (MPK), writer-producer of the TV show SATC, wrote SATC: TM (which he is also directing), one thing he knew was that the desperate, SATC-starved audience of millions of women needed a wedding.” We do? I know I don’t need a wedding. In fact, I’d be quite happy if Carrie and Big just lived happily forever (or as long as their relationship warranted) in a big ol’ fancy apartment in NYC. Why is marriage still the entire story? Isn’t that kinda what SATC was all about? Breaking that notion that women need marriage and a man to be happy?

American Idol: Some Finale Questions

First, eff my effing DVR and it's desire to cut off anything "important" 5 minutes before the effing end of the effing program (sorry. I'm trying to be all Cate Blanchett in Life Aquatic and not swear and stuff). I had to read who won online. I hate that shit! (oops)

Second, I found myself totally loving the American Idol finale tonight (I swear Nigel Lythgoe called up 12-year-old Red and said, "Who would you like to see perform on the American Idol finale?" and I said, "Uh, Bryan Adams and George Michael, obvs. Because they are my favorite" and it was so), but it left me with a few questions:

Is there anyone who finds Mike Myers and his Love Guru character funny? Anyone?

Was the Carly/MJ duet the producers way of saying, "Sorry viewers who love sexy, talented people. We needed the Double David finale for the ratings."?

Did anyone love the David Cook Guitar Hero commercial as much as I did? (my grandma even called me to give me a heads up about it. She is the coolest grandma ever.)

Will someone volunteer to kill me if I ever have to hear that dreadful One Republic Apologize song ever again?

Why did Jordan Sparks dress like a doll for her performance (which I fast forwarded through)?

Will Carrie Underwood ever say no to an offer to appear at an Idol event?

Will David Cook's career be okay?

Will Little David survive his father's disappointment?

Did America finally figure out how this whole voting for the person who will actually make a decent record thing works?

And, most importantly, think I can still get David Cook to marry me now that he's all famous and stuff? Yeah, I didn't think so.

Until next season, friends.

Top Five: Movie Trilogies

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull permits mere mortals to cower before its glory at midnight tonight (buzz is mixed, though I don’t think many people have actually seen it) and in honor of what has apparently been deemed a national holiday, I've compiled a list of my Top Five Movie Trilogies. In a way, this is also a requiem, since the release of Crystal Skull means the Indiana Jones movies are no longer a trilogy. (A quadlogy? Rombology? Get back to me, grammar police). Whether this proves to be a good thing or a bad thing…Well, one of you guys will have to let us know, because there’s no way in hell I’m going to a theatre at midnight on a school night.

In descending order:

5. Lord of the Rings: Gorgeous to look at, relatively easy to understand, these movies got an anti-D&D skeptic like me into fantasy, if only just for a few hours. Some Shire folk would probably list LotR and the best trilogy of all time. Considering how many elves and gnomes it contained, that fact it made my Top Five is an accomplishment.

4. Evil Dead: In a perfect world, there’d be no natural disasters, we’d all own yachts, and Bruce Campbell would be the mega star he deserves to be. I think Evil Dead II was technically a re-make of the original Evil Dead rather than a sequel, but whatever. Evil Dead, Evil Dead II and Army of Darkness are probably the three funniest-and-yet-also-kinda-scary horror spoofs ever made. The fact that they’re also the only flicks of that genre is beside the point.

3. The Bourne Movies: What action movies should be: Smart, exciting, globetrotting, and full of Matt Damon.

2. Star Wars (original): Liking the three original Star Wars movies doesn’t mean you’re a nerd any more; it means you have a soul. So campy, yet so much fun, and when you stand them up to the wooden, CGI-drenched prequels, you realize also so full of heart

1. Indian Jones Movies: Ba ba da da, ba ba daaaa. Ba ba da da, ba ba da da da! I’ve grown to love these movies even more as I get older because when you’re old and cynical you realize how rare good adventure movies are. The first Pirates of the Caribbean was on a par, but the sequels pulled it down to the depths of Davy Jones’ Locker. (Pirate humor. Y’ar!). Indiana Jones kept it going through three great films. Here’s hoping the fourth doesn’t ruin it.

Still ab fab, after all these years.

David vs. David: The Idol Finale

Thank God! This season is pretty much over (just 2 hours of filler left). The Davids were both pretty damn good tonight. Even though Simon seemed to want more cheese, the fellas delivered some great performances.

My boyfriend David Cook showed he's diverse and interesting and may actually have a place on Top 40 radio. Little David showed he can sing his ass off as a vanilla pop singer who will sell about as many records as Ruben Studdard. The boxing theme was painful, as were the original songs (though I was glad the contestants picked their own songs). David Cook managed to perform the least lame original song in Idol history (even if Simon hated it), Randy managed to slide in his "you could sing the phonebook" catchphrase one more time, and Paula managed to sound crazy as always (apparently David Cook was "standing in his truth." Excellent). Despite the judges declaration of Little David as the winner, I think the vote will come down to personality. Little David seems to be missing his and David Cook has rubbed some people the wrong way this season (not me, of course. He always rubbed me the right way if you know what I mean *wink*...sorry. I'll stop now). I hope Little David takes the crown as men don't seem to fair very well as Idol winners and I hope David Cook is around for awhile (I guess. I'll never buy any of their records anyway).

Song I Would Have Sung: I'd have picked something new (as David Cook did) and performed Love Song by Sara Bareilles...because that's the kind of record I would make. Simon would've hated it.

Be True to Your School: Vol. 2

On the heals of a major drug bust at my University comes another scandal...this time at my High School. The third male teacher in two years was arrested for having sex with a student at Helix High School (formerly only famous for pumping out football stars like Alex Smith and Reggie Bush). Unlike the rest of the country, where the female teachers seem to be falling for their male students, Helix (which, I'll admit, has some pretty hot male teachers) seems to be taking the Humbert Humbert approach. Now, I read Lolita and I know how charming teenage girls can be when they put their mind to it, but c'mon man! Keep it in your pants.

Top 5: Things to Experince Before I Die

Because all my inspiration comes from ew.com (sadder words have never been spoken), their Concerts I Gotta See Before I Die list got me thinking of my own pop culture bucket list...which I will now impose on you:

1. Attend a Bruce Springsteen concert - I had an awesome professor in college who taught us Springsteen lyrics as poetry (ah, modern education) and he said the only way to experience The Boss is in concert. I tried (along with the local radio station) to get Bruce to play San Diego last year, but we failed. Someday...

2. Check out the Sundance Film Festival - I suppose Cannes would be awesome, too, but I've been to the village of Cannes, and it's tiny. I don't think I could handle the insanity of the Film Festival. I'll settle for Park City, Utah and Sundance.

3. Wear a designer gown - Now, I'm no fashonista, but I do love a cute outfit. I would like to wear something by Alexander McQueen or Valentino or even Christian Siriano to an event where such an dress would be warranted. This may be difficult, as I'm not a size 4, but dreams are made to be broken! Or something.

4. Eat with someone famous - I'd like to share a meal with one of the following: Anthony Bourdain, Dalton Ross, Tim Gunn, Sarah Jessica Parker, Quentin Tarrantino, Sophia Coppola, Simon Pegg, Ricky Gervais, Jeremy Clarkson, or Victoria Beckham...not that Vicky actually eats. We could have tea.

5. Publish something - A book or an article or my deeply moving sixth grade journal, whatever. Just published somewhere other than the internet. The internet is for poor people.

Your turn.

Leprechaun? In a tree?

YOU be the judge:



Part 2...



And the remix...



Gimme the gold!!!

The Radiohead Covers Vol. 10

Now, with the final installment in the series, Louis Armstrong sings Radiohead's Creep:



Thanks to those of you who've listened and enjoyed this series. Special thanks to Garney for letting me share your hilarity with the Blogger world. Love ya, mean it.