Tuesday, December 30, 2008

A gaze into 2009

Gottcha by the balls!


Recently, Red and I looked into our patented Gingers is the Watchword Crystal Ball® and forsaw the year that is about to be hoisted upon us. Most of it was filled with a clouded haze of red wine and Netflix (kind of like 2008 .... and 2007 .... and '06...) but there were a few highlights we thought you might like, nay need, us to share:


Winter
LiLo and Sam Ronson adopt a child, name her Cady, and become the poster couple for a Repeal Prop 8 campaign.

The Obama administration is racked by its first scandal when the “shelter dog” the first family adopted turns out to be former Westminster Kennel Club champion Topfield-Cloverhill Buggybumpers, an (actual) purebred Basset Hound.

Red's obsession with Beyonce becomes so great, she insists everyone refer to her as Sasha Fierce.

Spring
Britney Spears is photographed doing the walk of shame from Dustin Diamond's place.

Viewers of MTV’s The Hills can’t decide which is worse: The brutal beating and robbery and of Lauren Conrad behind a Hollywood club, or that fact that Justin Bobby was totally flirting with Lo, but when Lo told Audrina, Audrina didn’t believe her and now they’re not speaking.

Summer
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince makes more money than anything in the history of ever.

The 40th anniversary of the first lunar landing is celebrated with the announcement that NASA will be shut down as a cost-cutting measure and all space shuttles are being sold to Dubai as a tourist attraction.

The 40th anniversary of Woodstock makes Liz feel really old, because she remembers the 25th anniversary of Woodstock like it was yesterday.


Fall

With unemployment nearing 15 percent, the only bright spots in the US economy are the bindle industry and Solider of Fortune magazine.

Dave Coulier shocks everyone when he stars as a mentally challenged lawyer who prosecutes G.W. Bush for war crimes. He goes on to win the Oscar for best actor, prompting Alanis to finally admit Jagged Little Pill is all about him.

The world is shocked, shocked!, when relations between Israel and its neighbors don’t improve at all in 2009.


Anything you guys see coming? Let us know!

5 comments:

Garney said...

Spring
Blogging becomes cool again

Summer
Blogging becomes lame again

Falwless said...

O.M.G.

You are not going to believe this. I came thisclose to naming Boo Boo Head Topfield-Cloverhill Buggybumpers!

God, could you imagine how embarrassed I'd be right now? Jesus. I don't even want to think about it. Talk about close calls...

Falwless said...

By the way, I totally love how that pic of Coulier originally showed (I think?) one of the Olsen twins but someone half-assedly covered her up with the dumb "Uncle Joey" sign. Well done, internet person. Well done indeed.

words words words said...

I predict that as much as I laughed at Liz's brilliant Woodstock anniversary joke, I will randomly laugh about it again later this evening.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Will Britney have a "mustache" as she does the walk of shame?