An Open Letter to Kelly Clarkson

Rob Pattinson has nothing to do with this post, but I saw him and thought, "Why the hell not?"

Dear Kelly,

Thank you for entertaining me so very much at your concert last night. Sure, I felt a little out of place, being a music snob of sorts and without a gay boyfriend at my side (I'm between such companions at the moment), but I want you to know I sang heartily and totally did your jumping up and down dance when you sang "Since You've Been Gone."

I'm writing to let you know we should pretty much be best friends. We have so much in common! When you joked about your mic pack falling out of your back pocket because you have a big butt, I though, "OMG! I have a big butt, too!" When you told everyone the confessional nature of "Because of You" makes you want to "barf," I thought, "No way! I use the word 'barf' All. The. Time!" and when you covered Janet Jackson's "If" I realized I totally love to dance to that song and may or may not still know the wacky dance moves from the music video!

Needless to say, as your BFF, I promise to never upstage you when you make me one of your backup singers, help you with your psuedo-tragic fashion sense (Seriously. Enough with the terrible black bell-bottoms!), stick up for you when people say you're a lesbian because you don't have a boyfriend (The Stars: They're Just Like Us!) and kill whomever runs Google images for suggesting "Kelly Clarkson fat" when I Google image your name (sometimes, I really hate this universe). So, yeah. Call me Kelly because my life kinda sucks without you.

xoxo,

Red