Just When We Were Making Progress

Things were looking up, friends. Whitney, a normal sized women (as in, weighs more than 100 lbs and eats an occasional sandwich), won America's Next Top Model (please tell me you watched this season...and witnessed the complete insanity that is Tyra Banks) and the Sex and the City movie is on it's way to remind us Single is the new Pink (though, I'm rather annoyed all the previews center around Carrie and Mr. Big getting married, as that kinda goes against the very premise that made the show so great, but that's another post).

And then there is this. A principal at an all girls school in Staten Island informed her students they will not be able to attend the prom without a date. WTF?!? Prom is something to be experienced whether you have a boyfriend (gay or straight) or not. Doesn't the principal realize these girls may grow up with serious emotional issues if they don't go to prom? (as Annie Potts taught us in Pretty in Pink. (Her speech is seriously the only reason I went to prom)). More troubling is how completely coupleist this is (yes, I realize that's not a word. Work with me here). Just when we take two steps forward, some crazy, old cow in New York takes two steps back. In this scenario, however, she is not a charmingly entertaining cat. She's just wrong.

This is what happens when you go to prom with a boy.

Geeking Out for Your Pleasure

It's a historic day, friends. California overturned the gay marriage ban. I think, mostly, I love that California said "Eff you, George Bush and your lame, puritanical ways. We'll marry who we want and you'll like it!" (because can be California very aggressive sometimes. I mean, come on. We have a Governator).

Further adding joy to my day, Bob and Harvey Weinstein are planing a live-action movie musical of Fraggle Rock. I was the biggest Fraggle Rock fan ever (it may have something to do with Red being the coolest character). Yes, I realize my freak-out about this makes me completely insane, but I'm okay with this.

Furthering my excitement, a teaser for Life on Mars, the new series coming to TV this fall based on the BBC show of the same name, if floating around the internets. Check it out:



Ignoring the horrible voice over, this commercial looks promising. I'm hopeful LOM will be more The Office and less Coupling.

My excitement just reached 11.

What Are Your Pop-Culture Deal Breakers?

Recently, I had a conversation with someone who has developed a movie related test to determine whether a lady is "the one" or not (he wouldn't tell me what the test entails. I assume it's because I would pass it and then he'd have to marry me and, let's face it, no one wants that). It got me thinking...what would eliminate someone from my potential pool of luvahs? (someone who says "luvah" for one.) Here's what I came up with:

1. Lack of appreciation for Bruce Springsteen - Now, you don't have to be Bruce's #1 fan or anything, but admitting he's "The Boss" is pretty essential. Likewise, an appreciation for Journey is vital as I sing their stuff at karaoke...a lot.

2. An intolerance for karaoke - I realize this is asking quite a bit, but I like singing and sometimes the car just doesn't cut it.

3. Hatred of all things English - Except for post-Police Sting. That guy blows.

4. Inability to laugh at the movies and TV shows I find hilarious - My impeccable taste will not be challenged! I once dated someone who'd never seen The Big Lebowski. We watched it together and he didn't like it. I should have ended things there, but I didn't. Because I am a moron.

5. Non-readers - People that don't read for pleasure are highly suspect. Kinda like guys who don't like sports. That ain't right!

So there are my deal breakers. What are yours?

Things I wish I was into

Have you ever seen something - like a hobby, or a style, or a religious cult - and thought, “Hey, that looks cool. I’d like to get into that,” but fate and laziness keep getting in your way? Well I have. And here are some examples of those things. Things I’d love to get into right now, if only all kinds of sordid reasons weren't preventing me. Feel free to share your own, or help with mine. I’d kind of rather you helped with mine, but you know, whatever, do what you want. Leech.


Tom Waits – The few Tom Waits songs I’ve heard, I really liked. I want to hear more. But dude’s got like 400 albums going back 30 years and I just don’t where to start. If anyone knows his best album, I’m all ears. (Haha. Get it? Pun).





Horse Racing – The Triple Crown has reminded me that I’ve always wanted to get into horse racing. Like, really into it - not just watching the Kentucky Derby every few years and going the track once a decade. I want to know who famous horses, jockeys and owners are. I want to speak fluidly the language of the Sport of Kings! Maybe if I’m not too busy, I’ll watch the Preakness this weekend. Yes, that’s the ticket! This is going to be huge, I can feel it.





Cooking – I’ve never really liked cooking. Cooking shows bore me, and since I grew up with a mom who makes good but plain meals, I always saw cooking as a sort of necessary chore rather than something fun and interesting. (Having a kitchen the size of my junior high locker doesn't help either). But lately I’ve grown tired of the 4 dishes I know how to make and would like to learn more. I even bought a crock-pot from a friend, even though I have no idea how to use it. I’ve been trying to get recipes and stuff off line, but its tough when you’ve never heard of half the ingredients. (Leeks? Okra? Fresh vegetables? What are these things?!?) So I think I need some kind of cooking tutor. Suggestions?

Opera – No, not Oprah. Opera. The music. Seriously. What? You think someone who laughs at lolcats can’t be high-brow? Whenever I hear opera music, I secretly like it. I bought a copy of Moztart’s Requiem after I saw Amadeus last year. Trouble is, historically inaccurate '80s biopics are about the only educational tool I have. If a youngish gal of slightly below average means and intelligence wanted to learn more about opera, where would one suggest she start, hmm?

Helping people – Look, it’s not that I enjoy being the self-centered waste of space that I am. It’s just that all my previous attempts at generosity have been thwarted. Once, in high school, I tried volunteering at a food pantry, but they didn’t really give me anything to do and the other volunteers were oddly cliquey for a bunch of supposed humanitarians. So I stopped going. And then, for about two weeks in college, I seriously considered joining the Peace Corp. But then I found out it required a lot of essays and recommendations and good grades, so that was out. I want to do more than throw money at natural disasters. I want to help my fellow man. If anyone knows of a way to do this - without taking too much time away from my television and boozing schedules – please, clue me in.

This could totally be me. But you know, from my couch.

This (mostly) Just In...

Sarah Jessica Parker has lost her damn mind - Plants are never a good look on your head. Like, not ever. And apparently, she and Kim Catrall still hate each other. Can't we learn to get along ladies?

Ryan Seacrest may take over for Larry King when King retires in 2009 - I say, “Amen” because, Lord knows, I don’t get enough Seacrest every week.

Ugly Betty is moving to NYC - Why anyone would care about this is beyond me, but EW, Gmail and Yahoo News all felt the need to tell me. Amy Poehler even made a joke about it on Weekend Update this week (one of the only funny jokes in the show. (I realized the problem with SNL yesterday…it’s turned into a weekly round of the Improv Game as played by my high school theater group (yes. I was a theater geek. Move on already). Everyone remembers the one time the Improv Game was hilarious and every week, the dorks try and recreate the magic, but unfortunately, the one really funny guy who had all the jokes graduated last year and it’s now really just an exercise in unfunny idiocy. But I digress). Speaking of things no one cares about…

The Tony nominees were announced – The tag line for this year's show is "There's a Little Bit of Broadway in Everyone." Officially, the gayest tag line ever.

Reaper gets a second season - I’m pretty sure Garney and I are the only people still watching this, and Garney’s even about to jump ship, but the characters are really funny and Ray Wise as the Devil is one of my favorite characters on TV.

Gordon Ramsey screams at Gordon Brown for fresh fruit and veg - Ramsey wants the British Prime Minister to fine restaurants that use out of season produce. Eff you, Gordon Ramsey. People will eat strawberries in December and you will like it!

Look! It’s the new 90210 Cast – 2 things about this excite me: 1) Jessica Walters (fka Lucille Bluth) plays the family matriarch and 2) Tristan Wilds (Michael Lee on The Wire) plays what looks like the token ethnic kid. Here's hoping 90210 serves him better than the streets of B-More. But, really, the whole thing seems a bit Gossip Girl/The Hills for me and, ultimately, I'll probably not watch more than one episode.

That is all...

If America Got it Right: Top 3

Please. The producers and judges have been pushing a Double David finale for weeks and I think that's exactly what we will get. I don't really have much to say (other than I almost started making out with my HDTV when David Cook sang I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing. Yes, my life is really that sad), so check out The Pop Eye if you really care for a proper recap.

At the Movies: Iron Man

You probably don't need me to tell you to see Iron Man. In fact, you've probably already seen it if you have any interest at all, as it's already made more money than I'll ever see in my lifetime. However, if you are on the fence about the first big blockbuster of the summer movie season, we here at GitW strongly recommend you check it out. We've all seen it and we all really liked it (I think Liz really liked it. We never actually talked about it, even though we saw it together. We went to the bar afterward (I rocked the karaoke mic with some Journey while Liz tended to her very drunk gentleman sidekick) instead of getting some pie and discussing the depths of Tony Stark).

Iron Man is a straight up, good time, comic book movie. I am not a comic book reader, but I love a good comic book movie...especially when it's smart and funny and has someone like Robert Downey Jr. as the superhero. I've always been a huge Robert Downey Jr. fan. He's a terrific actor and Iron Man is really his movie. He brings so much humor and intelligence and even delivers the cheesy superhero one liners with aplomb (50 cents for that word, please). Also along for the ride is Gwyneth Paltrow as Stark's lovely (ginger) personal assistant (after her first scene, I leaned over to Liz and said "Ah, Gwyneth. So nice to see you again." Sure, Gwyneth could be added to Liz's Actresses Most People Hate, but She Loves list, but it's nice to see her back in something worth watching (I'm looking at you, Running with Scissors)). Further credit is due to Jon Faverau for crafting a wonderful film. As Garney said, "Jon Favreau is turning into quite the talented commercial filmmaker." Indeed.

So, yeah, go see Iron Man if you haven't already and be sure to stick around through the end of the credits to see what Dave calls "The Nerdgasam" (and then email him and ask him to explain what the hell it's all about). Or if you've already seen it, let us know what you thought below.

Reel Resurrection: Empire of the Sun

A lot of film snobs hate Steven Spielberg. I get it. Film snobs are a lot like music snobs – they’re always looking for something new, daring, different - and Spielberg is sort of like U2: He’s done some amazing work, but its hard to make the argument that he’s revolutionized the art form. The snobs are always pining for a revolution.

But despite his penchant for sentimental endings and his difficulty creating good female characters, I’ve gotta come down on the pro-Spielberg side. (Just like I’d have to put The Joshua Tree and Achtung Baby among my favorite albums, and admit I find Bono’s quest to save the world really kind of cool). Sure, Jurassic Park lacked soul and Minority Report lacked a second half, but you can’t argue with Indiana Jones, ET, Schindler’s List and Saving Private Ryan.

All of which is a really long way of telling you to watch Empire of the Sun. I’m going to go out on a limb and call this a “forgotten” Spielberg flick, because I had never heard of it before my boss suggested I add it to my Netflix queue. (Of course it was nominated for 6 Oscars, so maybe I just missed the boat). It’s about a 12-year-old British boy growing up in luxury in pre-WWII China, and how his insolated little world is literally blown apart when the Japanese invade. Christian Bale is great as the lead in his film debut; its crazy that someone so young can carry an entire movie. The movie follows him as he gets separated from his parents, has to fend for himself in a prison camp, and does all the usual growing up in the process.

Empire of the Sun is a fairly long movie at 2 and half hours, but it has great pacing and enough surprises to keep you interested. It’s historical without being dry, familiar without being boring, epic without being cliché. It’s “All I want is You” and “Where the Streets have no Name.”

It’s Steven Spielberg, in a good way.

Stop. Breeding.

There’s a joke about Arkansas, home schooling and people named Joe Bob in this story somewhere, but I can’t get past the headline enough to think about it.

Eighteen kids!! This is a story about a family that has EIGHTEEN effing children!!! At least they will, when the mom gives birth next January. She just found out she’s pregnant with her eighteenth kid. Eighteen!! She’s been pregnant for 11 years of her life. The family says, if she gets preggers again, “Great! The more the merrier!” All the kids’ names start with the letter J. Did I mention there are almost 18 of them!!!!!!

Wha? Muh!? Bu!?! Juh … STOP! Please, God, just stop. Name this last one “(va)Jay-Jay’s Closed” and put an end to this insanity. They say they're a big happy family and I've gotta admitt that they look it, but just ... shut it down. Really, let's call it a day.

Condoms: They're not just for sailors anymore.

Lazy Friday

Three things:

1. The Survivor finale airs Sunday. I realize no one watches this show anymore, but this is arguably the best season ever. The past 4 weeks have been insane, with four complete blindsides at Tribal Council and the first ever all female final four. I can't wait to see what happens Sunday night. Go Cirie!

2. This headline made me laugh really hard.

3. This video made me laugh even harder (watch it here if you are Canadian)



You're Welcome.