Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Things I Don't Understand: Vol. 2

When I previously wrote about the things I don't understand, I mentioned my radio's love for the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Now, I must ask about another band which is always harassing me on the radio. Does anyone still like No Doubt? Seriously, are there people out there who can't wait to get their daily fix of "Spiderwebs" or "Underneath it All" and drive home hoping Gwen and the boys will serenade them all the way to their final destination? To be fair, though, I'm usually shocked to learn people ever liked No Doubt at all. Their popularity is one of life's great mysteries.

Also, why are Americans on the Amazing Race so damned annoying? This week, the racers found themselves in Kazakhstan (which, of course, they only knew existed because of Borat). Dan, a frat boy from ASU, was horrified when the Kazakhstani people did not rush to his side to give him help and directions. Uh, newsflash, moron: These people don't speak English! The reason they flee from you in terror is because you are a scary man yelling at them in a language they don't understand, dummy.

Dan, you are a prick. Drew, I secretly like you and your red Jew-fro.

And, who gave the okay to start celebrating Christmas on November 1? I'm really beginning to loathe the gift giving aspect of Christmas. I never know what to buy anyone and I resent the consumer society forcing me to start thinking about others before Thanksgiving (or, more importantly, my birthday) even arrives. There is hope, however. Yesterday, at the mall, I saw Nordstrom is refusing to annoy people and have instead blacked out their windows and posted a sign that says something like, "We believe in one holiday at a time so we won't be decorating for Christmas until Nov. 28th. Happy Thanksgiving." Thank you, Mr. Nordstrom. You are a gentleman and a scholar and you, sir, have my respect.

Finally, is blogging still cool? Friday night, I met a guy who went on and on about his blog (which he posts on Facebook, by the way, so it doesn't even really count) like he was the hero of the universe for comparing Californication to Sex and the City. I didn't mention that I, too, wrote on a weblog from time to time because I already know I'm the hero of the universe. Most surprising was how impressed the girl I was with found this information. Seriously, 50,000 blogs are created every day, none of them very interesting (present company excluded, obvs), and none of them will get me to make out with you.

Can you explain any of these things to me?

Update: I found a picture of the Nordstrom sign from last year. It's exactly the same this year, but with the correct date. Told you I'm not a liar...well, not about that anyway.

24 comments:

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

I'll defend that one really cool No Doubt song that goes "Daga daga da da; deega deega de de". You know, the one with the jet skis in the video. I think I like it because it was the only good song they used to play in my local pub.

God, I can't imagine using my blog as bait to get someone to make out with me. I couldn't see that working. It's bad enough when colleagues ask what mine is about. "Well, I make stuff up...and I review it...and...and...look, I know it sounds really lame, but it's fecking hilarious, okay? Get back to work, dickhead.

Sorry, Dickhead, sir."

McGone said...

Similar to No Doubt, I can't understand why I hear Sublime everyday. Every Gahd. Damn. Day. How did that many stoners muster the energy necessary to keep that band so prominent over a decade since they broke up?

Also, blogging was once considered cool? Huh. Who knew?

Liz said...

Nordstrom is now my new favorite store. In theory at least, in reality I can't afford socks there.

Poobomber said...

Wait, wha???

Blogging doesn't get us laid? Ah man, I quit then.

Dr Zibbs said...

Blogging on Facebook? WTF? That doesn't count. I bet he's got a small one too.

MelO said...

So, I guess I shouldn't tell you we decorated and put up our tree last weekend?

:)

I hate the same things you hate about the holiday... the commercialism of it all... and the pressure - oh the pressure! But I do love love LOVE the Christmas spirit. I woke up early Sunday morning, fixed a cup of coffee, and just sat in front of our lit tree. It was peaceful and so calming. Everybody in the world seems to be giving me shit for doing it before thanksgiving, but Christmas is exactly four weeks from Thanksgiving... what is SO BAD about putting up decorations six weeks before the holiday so as to be able to enjoy them. I just love Christmas lights.... I'd keep the tree up all year if people wouldn't admit me into the mental hospital for it ;)

although, I suppose it may lose some of the luster looking at it every day.

MichelleSG said...

You have re-sparked my love for Nordstrom's, thank you. I LOATHE x-mas because of all the fucking consumerism. Drives me insane and I don't care if everyone thinks I'm a Scrooge, screw them. I purposefully declined being included in the work gift exchange, oh hell no thank you. I think they are scared of me now. Which I prefer so it's all good.

BeckEye said...

So? I compared Seinfeld to It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. That's right. I think we all know who the real hero of the universe is here. Flash Gordon. Er, I mean, ME.

words words words said...

Blogging on Facebook is like eating at Taco Bell and saying you went out for Mexican food.

Also, I can prove that blogging is not cool. I have a blog.

david wells said...

a local radio station here used to start playing christmas music the day after Thanksgiving. This year it started on Nov. 17th.

Unbelievable.

And yeah, what makes his non-blog all that cool? Did he give you the link? You should share so we can all vote.

Falwless said...

God I hate Andrew and Dan. You really like Drew? REALLY? He comes across as just as much of an asshole as Dan. This season is really a suckfest. I don't even know who I want to root for, they're all so... blah. Maybe Dallas and Toni, they seem to really get along well (although sometimes a little too well iffinyouknowwhatImean.. I know, eww).

I don't get into the whole celebrating Christmas starting November 1 either. (Pssst you misspelled November). I love Nordstrom's for doing that...

Red said...

Well, it wouldn't be a post by Red if there wasn't a typo or two.

On that grammatical note, I contend it's "Nordstrom" not "Nordstrom's." You wouldn't say "I love Gap's for doing that," would you?

Red said...

And David, I don't think you can read his blog unless you are his Facebook "friend." Otherwise, I'd totally unleash your judginess because I am just that bitchy.

MelO said...

Touché!!! on the Nordstrom point, Red!

MelO said...

Also... btw... I hope the Nordstrom bit wasn't the hilarious lie, because that's actually pretty respectable of them. You know, for a retail company and all!

[says the girl who just put up her christmas tree]

Red said...

No, the Nordstom bit is totally true. I tried to find photographic evidence, but the internets let me down.

Jon said...

RHCP is a terrible band, and anyone who thinks otherwise is lying to themselves about having a radio.

Also, I write a blog. Just thought I'd mention that in case you want to make out or something.

words words words said...

I just noticed the "hilarious lie" tag and I totally know what it is. I am so smart! SMRT!

MelO said...

@ words; tell ME! tell ME! I've been staring at this frickin' post all day lookin' for it.

I'm thinking I'm not getting it on a technicality... for instance, how do I know Drew is jewish? ;)

pistols at dawn said...

First of all, I played Guitar Hero or Rock Band this weekend, and the girls could not wait to sing "Spiderwebs." It was okay because they'd jump while singing, and girls bouncing up and down makes just about everything okay.

Secondly, my blog won't get people to make out with me? Well, that's it. I'm closing up shop, because as a man, everything I do is to get women to make out with me.

Some Guy said...

I used to defend Amazing Race, but agree this season has been lame. They used to make them work for stuff. And I guess I'm part of the group that didn't get the memo that blogging was ever considered cool.

Gifted Typist said...

On the RHCs: computer-generated play lists based on info extrapolated from data silos?

On Christmas starting Nov 1. Greed.

On bloggers who use their blogs as pick up tools? Sad.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Au contraire, the great Saul Bellow has this to say:

"All a writer has to do to get a woman is to say he's a writer. It's an aphrodisiac."

Perhaps that explains why the girl was so impressed.

Garney said...

Spiderwebs is one of the most funnest (yes, most funnest) songs on Guitar Hero World Tour. Radio stations around here seem to never get tired of playing 311.

I think they purposefully put stupid white people on The Amazing Race to prove that the white race isn't that amazing.

I agree that there needs to be more pause to celebrate the holidays that come between Halloween and Christmas like Veterans Day, Thanksgiving, and Red's birthday.

Blogging was never cool, only amusing.