After last year's Oscars were a ratings bust, the magical woodland creatures who produce the show decided to jazz things up with everyone's favorite jazzercise: Seeeecrets!
They're keeping all the presenters a secret so that when they come out to give away naked bald man statues, the audience will be shocked and awed, practically passing out before they even recap the nominees.
This is dumbest idea ever thought up in a person's brain for three reasons:
1) No one cares about the presenters.
2) Everyone will see anyone who's going to be at the show on their way in on the red carpet because actors are dirty, dirty self-promoting whores who couldn't stay off a red carpet if it was on fire and
3) No one cares about the presenters.
What Hollywood should do if it wants people to watch the Oscars is make movies that are both really, really good and lots and lots of people will see. But they'll probably just keep putting Larry the Cable Guy in things. I guess sometimes it's just easier that way.
8 comments:
I'm interested to see how this gimmick works. It won't unless they play it "cloak and dagger" and sneak the presenters in the back door of The Kodak Theatre.
I think the Oscar people are pressing the panic button too soon; I think the writer's strike had a lot to do with last year's ratings drop. Since we didn't even know if there was going to be an Oscar ceremony until shortly before the big day, there was no buzz build up at all. Because Heath Ledger is almost certain to get an Oscar nod for his role as The Joker, that will have numerous people tuning in that normally wouldn't.
What Hollywood should do, if it wants more people to watch, is perhaps shamelessly self-promote themselves a little less.
Oh, and less Larry the Cable guy and other pseudo-celebrities, thanks.
And 4, No one cares about the presenters. This is just dumb.
They should just have the winners walk up to the podium, at which point Clint Eastwood would hurl an statue at said recipients from the front row to see if they either catch it or incur serious bodily harm.
That would be WAY more exciting!
Wait - Larry the Cable Guy is in movies? I must go find them.
They're probably afraid because unless The Dark Knight gets nominated, the nominees for Best Picture will have an approximate combined box office gross of $62.50.
But as you point out, nobody cares about the presenters. Here's an idea: How about making the show less than four hours long? Let me at that thing, I'll slice off time like an Eskimo cutting away blubber.
They should just rig up a trap door in the stage, above which all the presenters will, uh, present. At some point during the show, it will open and *whoosh* down they'll go! But WHEN? NO ONE KNOWS!!!
I'm being an idiot, but honestly, I bet people who've never watched an Oscar telecast would tune in if there was an off chance that Julia Roberts would fall face-first through a trap door and break all of her horse teeth, or to see if Keanu Reeves would be the one to go, and everyone could take bets on whether or not he'd even look surprised.
I don't care about the presenters as far as who comes out and reads whatever banter is on the teleprompter before reciting nominees and opening an envelope, but I have to admit that one of the best moments of the last ten years was in 2002 when Woody Allen made a surprise appearance to ask people to film in New York City.
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