This (mostly) Just In...

Ricky Martin is Gay - In the least surprising news ever, Ricky told everyone yesterday he is a "fortunate gay man," whatever the hell that means. When I was in Germany in 2000, this dude from Miami told my friends and me a story about how he KNEW Ricky Martin was gay. Well done, Miami dude. Next out of the closet...John Travolta. Sorry Becks!

Dudes are Weird - Every week, I read Drew Magary's Deadspin mailbags (he does two a week) and, like, half of the reader emails are about mundane scenarios made into crazy spy movie plots in the mind of the author. Example:

I used to come home from school, reach into my backpack, out of which I would pull a 3 1/2 inch floppy disk. Oh, but this disk did not contain some mundane homework assignment, paper, or even video game. On this disk was any number of one of the following: 1) A virus, meant to destroy the mainframe of computers of whatever organization or country I was infiltrating, 2) Some sort of top secret profile, either my personal Agent information or the man I have been sent to assassinate, or 3) Some sort of plans, architectural most likely, to any number of things. Most often it was similar to the scene from Star Wars where Darth Vader is demanding that Leia turn over the plans - except I have them, not R2D2! Quick, to the Apple IIGS!

This is just an example. Sometimes, they are imagining how they'd fend off bank robbers or save ladies from falling airplanes. What the eff, dudes? Why are you all so weird?

Castle Renewed for Third Season - The other day I said, "This week on Castle..." and Liz said, "You watch Castle? I didn't think anyone actually watched that." But I do! And it's awesome. Nathan Fillion is pretty much the best thing ever...and now we get to watch him for at least another season. Huzzah!

John Stamos + The Beach Boys = Amazing! - Apparently, tonight on Dancing with the Stars, John Stamos will return to his seat behind the drum kit for The Beach Boys. This just kinda blows my mind a bit. Dave actually saw this fantastic event back in the day at a post-Padres game concert and still raves about it. Tonight, we can all experience it for ourselves.

Top 5: Movies About Loneliness

Over the weekend, Liz and I saw Greenberg, the new Noah Baumbach film starring Ben Stiller. I liked it. I laughed...I didn't cry...but it was better than Cats! Mostly, it's about loneliness and I freaking love movies about loneliness...so here's my list of the top 5 films about loneliness (how many times can I write loneliness?):

5. Fight Club - A film about a man so lonely, he [SPOILER ALERT!] invents an alternate persona to hang out with. And what a persona it is.

4. Up in the Air - George Clooney has a lot of single-serving friends. He doesn't really connect with anyone...until he does...though, in the end, nothing really changes. He's got no one in his backpack...and he likes it that way.

3. About a Boy - Another movie about a man who loves his solitude. He's f*cking Ibiza! But it takes a lonely boy to show Will (Hugh Grant) he's really a 38 year-old boy himself and maybe happiness (not hell) is other people.

2. The Station Agent- A lonely dwarf, a grieving mother and a bored Cuban come together to form their own alternative family. I would give up...something...to be a part of that family. Mostly in hopes of shagging Bobby Cannavale.

1. Lost in Translation - The ultimate (in my mind) film about loneliness. No one does it better than Sophia Coppola. With this and The Virgin Suicides and Marie Antoinette, Sophia is, like, the patron saint of lonely people. And god bless her for that.

This post is terrible and rambling and full of things that only make sense in my mind, but you should still leave a comment and tell us your favorite movie about loneliness, mkay?

"You look like you should be married to one of the San Diego Padres."

Tina Fey was on David Letterman and did her Tracy Morgan impression. Hilarity ensued.

Let's get literal!

Having successfully conquered the pile of New Yorkers that's been causing a fire hazard in my living room for a year and a half, I am now allowed to read books again!

It's an exciting time indeed, but since they don't advertise books and authors on television, I'm not really sure what's out there. I've got an actual (super nerdy) list of books I want to read, but most of them are classics or older books that I never got around to, like 1984, Sense and Sensibility and a sh*t ton of Cormac McCarthy. I want something new and hip and cutting edge, because then I can vicariously appear to be all those things!

So basically I need you people to tell me what to read, preferably something from the last 10-15 years. That's right, I'm looking for a handout. Deal with it!

Answer Me This Wednesday

I have some questions for the universe. Maybe you guys can help me out...

What's the best online travel booking site? There are so many I always feel like I can find a better deal somewhere else. I'm thinking of moving to South Carolina. I know it's random, but I have my reasons. I figure I should probably take a trip out their first, though, to make sure I could actually live there.

Also, could I actually live there? Many of you have probably been to Charleston. Is it awesome?

In other news, I am becoming obsessed with Aziz Ansari. Is this a problem? I bought a ticket to his stand-up show in San Diego in July even though, as of right now, no one is coming with me. Is that weird? That's weird, right?

Does anyone else feel super bad for Sandra Bullock? I mean, by now, celebrity men cheating on their wives is old hat, but I feel particularly bad for Sandy. I think it's because she seemed so genuinely in love with Jesse James when she thanked him in all her awards speeches. Poor thing.

And finally, how awesome was that episode of Lost last night? Richard Alpert FTW.

Randomness Friday

- I picked two of the biggest upsets in the first round of the NCAA tournament – Old Dominion and Ohio. Unfortunately, I had them each on different brackets, and on one brackett I had Marquette going really far. Wah wah

- I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Lady Gaga’s music is generic and disposable, but I would still like to be reincarnated as a parrot that lives on her shoulder.

- Yesterday I took a personal day for no real reason. I highly recommend everyone try to do that at least once a year. You know those people who you see drinking beer on restaurant patios at 2:00 on a weekday, making you wonder, “Don’t those jerks have jobs?” Well, I got to be one of them!

- There’s a certain type of girl who just f*cking loves Regina Spektor no matter what the haters say. I am one of them.

- The new Titus Andronicus album is good. They don’t sound the way you’d expect a band called Titus Andronicus to sound. They’re kind of a mixture of The Walkmen, the Hold Steady and Conor Oberst’s rock stuff. Good times.

- I’ve been watching a lot of old movies lately. Hepburn and Tracy really did have amazing onscreen chemistry. It kind of refutes Joey’s theory from Friends that you can't have good acting chemistry with people you’re actually sleeping with in real life.

- Even if Gerard Butler promised to make out with me afterward (and I got the OK from my boyfriend), I still don't think I would see The Bounty Hunter.

- My Mom told me Mad Men is coming back on March* 21. Is that true, or is she confusing it with Breaking Bad?

* I originally wrote May 21 by accident.

Well, maybe ...

An Especially Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Top o' the morning. We have a special St. Paddy's Day present for you this year: A new song from The Let's Make Outs!!!

In the spirit of the day, it's called "Here's to Guinness," and is all about me and Red's favorite drink. It even has a special appearance by our friend Erin on the tin whistle. One small warning, the mix is ... well, let's just say I'm still learning Pro-Tools. If you can't hear the lyrics, and would like to know what they are, click "More Info."

And now, without further ado ....





Thanks again to the lovely and talented Falwess for making this video!

An Open Letter to Jessica Simpson

Oh my god, ya'll! I wish people would, like, stop objectifying me and stuff!

Dear Jess,

Guess what? John Mayer told the world you are amazing in bed. Guess what else? That's a compliment! You can stop complaining to the media about it and telling the ladies on The View things like, "more men are looking at me and I feel like they're undressing me." I'd bet you your daisy duke shorts that will always happen. You are a hot blond chick with a huge rack. Deal with it!

Is John Mayer tacky? Obviously. Should you rise above and be all like, "Yes, Barbra Walters, I am a firecracker in the sack. Next question!"? Of course you should. You pretty much seem like Jessica Biel, crying for being too pretty. No one feels sorry for you. So, just...stop, k?

Best!

Red

Your Weekend in Pop Culture

It's Friday! And Payday! Does it get any better? Here are some things to occupy yourselves with this fine spring weekend:

Tonight! - After missing the premiere last week, I'll be checking out Who Do You Think You Are?, NBC's new show which follows celebs as they learn about their ancestors. I've heard really good things. Now it's time to see for myself.

Tomorrow! - It's time to think good thoughts again as Liz and I go back into the "studio" to record another song for The Let's Make Outs. This one debuts on St. Patrick's day. Mark your calendar!

Also, DST time begins. So we lose an hour, but gain a whole lot more daylight. Cheers to that.

Sunday! - The Pacific finally makes its way onto our TV screens. Touted as "Band of Brothers in the Pacific," the WWII miniseries is sure to kickass...and introduce us to many, many dreamy young actors. Huzzah!

What will you be up to this weekend?

Coco: Live!

I just bought 2 tickets to see Conan O'brien live, on stage, in San Diego at the end of April. On a scale of 1 to 10, how jealous are you?

This (mostly) Just In...

Mad Men Barbies - I need the Joan one, obvs.

Top Model Returns Tonight - I won't be watching, but Vogue's Andre Leon Talley is joining the panel. I kinda want to watch him tear some crazy thin girls apart! There may be something wrong with me.

Anna Nicole Opera Staged in England - Ugh!

Christina Hendricks is Very Attractive - 15 smokin' hot pics. Is it weird I'd seen them all before?

RAAAAAAANDY vs. Justin Bieber - I pretty much have no idea who Justin Bieber is, but I am always on the side of the hot Indian dude...always. Team Aziz!

New BNL Single - I like! Gotta check out the entire album to see how much Steve Page will truly be missed.

RIP Corey Haim

In Sad Former Teen Idol news, '80s guy Corey Haim died of an apparent accidental overdose. Somewhere, some old friends from my childhood are weeping.

But remember, mourners: Feldman lives!

Grand Plans I Probably Won't See Through (Vol. I)

Brace yourselves guys, here comes a bombshell:

I am thinking about quitting television.

Calm down calm down calm down calm down let’s not get all CRAZY! First of all, that's not entirely true. I don’t so much want to quit TV as substantially cut back. Secondly, while I know that about 85 percent of this blog is devoted to television, Red is the unquestioned TV maven around here. My life choice won’t have much affect on GitW.

I also plan to continue watching some sports, and major events like the Oscars. I will not be casting my television into the street and living a barren existence completely devoid of its warming glow.

The thing is, there are lots of things I want to do – books I want to read, movies I want to see, songs I want to learn to play, stories I want to write, and a few other things that involve actually getting off my butt – and I never seem to have the time for. I’m never sure where the hours in my day go. I suspect more of them are spent zonked in front of Office and Seinfeld reruns than I realize.

I have about ten shows that I consider “my shows:” Mad Men, Lost, Breaking Bad, Big Love, True Blood, Friday Night Lights, and the four Thursday night comedies on NBC. One of those is ending soon, and the others are all on at different times of the year. I could conceivably only have one or two designated TV nights a week. Then, as those shows are all eventually cancelled, I’ll try to avoid finding new ones to replace them.

OK, here is why I am bothering you guys with this glimpse into my shamefully dull personal life. (I do, as usual, have a (lame) reason). I need to be told if there is anything I am missing. Aside from that list of “my stories,” are there things on TV that I simply MUST be watching and come to think of it, why AREN’T I watching them, and you’ve kind of just lost respect for me upon finding out I’m NOT watching them?

Because if there is good stuff I’m missing, I will reconsider this whole restructuring of my life thing. Otherwise, it’s lights out once all those shows are off the air. (Which I assume will be in 2026, when Gracie Bell Taylor graduates from East Dillon High in 2026).

My One Oscar YouTube Post

So after seeing Lauren Bacall on the Oscars last night IMMEDIATELY this song popped into my head and has been stuck ever since. Who remembers this song? Did your parents listen to it, maybe even fall in love? Were you then accidentally conceived during one foolish night of passion leading to your birth and what appears to be a life of perpetual misery and frustration?

JUST KIDDING...GiTW hearts the 80's and here's a video to PROVE IT-

And the Most Self-Congratulatory Moment of the Night Will Be ....

Since everyone else is putting in their 2 cents about the Oscars this weekend, I thought I’d give you some predictions of my own. But seeing as I have no new insight and haven't seen about a dozen of the films nominated in major categories, my prognosticating will be of a different sort. Observe.

Category: Most Probable Opening Sequence
Nominees:
- Song and Dance Number with Hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin
- Comedy Routine with Hosts
- One of those Things where the Hosts are Green Screened into every Best Picture Nominee
- Dueling Banjos with Hosts

Will Win: Green Screen
Should Win: Dueling. Banjos.

Category: Biggest Applause during the "In Memorium" Death Reel
Nominees:
- Natasha Richardson
- David Carradine
- Dom DeLuise
- Karl Malden
- Patrick Swayze
- Brittany Murphy

Will Win: Swayze
Should Win: Swayze


Category: Most Likely Acceptance Speech Scenarios
Nominees:
- Bullock cries; Mo’Nique swears; Waltz says something in German; Bridges acts like he doesn’t care; Cameron screams, “I see you … for I am the King of the World!!!”

- Bullock swears; Mo’Nique cries; Waltz says something in English but everyone thinks it’s German; Bridges sends a Native American up to accept his award; Bigelow screams, “Goddamn! You are one radical son of a bitch!”

- Bullock falls comically; Mo’Nique doesn’t swear but get’s pre-emptively bleeped by terrified censors; Waltz refers to his Oscar as an “Inglorious Bastard;” Bridges cries; Bigelow dedicates her Oscar to brave veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan.

- Gabourey Sidibe upsets; Mo’Nique tells everyone she shaved her legs – and more - this time, then proceeds to prove it; Waltz thanks the good people of Germany, leading to nervous laughter from the 85 percent Jewish crowd; Bridges acts vaguely like The Dude; Cameron dedicates his Oscar to the brave veterans of Pandora.

Will Win: Option 1
Should Win: While it’d be cool to see Sidibe upset, I’ll go with option 3.


Category: Most Useless Montage Reel
Nominees:
- A Salute to Boom Mics
- Great Moments in Chimp Acting
- The Best of ‘90s Teen Comedies
- The Decade That Was: The ‘00s.

Will Win: Chimps
Should Win: Boom Mics

Category: Liz and Red’s Champagne Consumption
Nominees:
- 1 bottle
- 3 bottles
- 5 bottles
- Eff champagne, we’re drinking Jack. Straight up!

Will Win: 1 bottle
Should Win: 5 bottles.

Enjoy the show everyone!

More Oscar Predictions

Last night on the Oscar, Oscar! show on BlogTalKRadio I once again joined the panel of "experts" discussing our picks and predictions for Sunday night, and for the third year in a row I performed my own Billy Crystal style musical montage of Best Picture nominees. I saw every movie nominated in each category (except Foreign, Documentary, Shorts and one Animated Feature, and I also couldn't bring myself to watch the Transformers sequel). Here's a quick rundown of what I expect and would also prefer to see take the prizes in all categories:

WHAT WILL WIN
Picture: The Hurt Locker
Director: Kathryn Bigelow "The Hurt Locker"
Actor: Jeff Bridges "Crazy Heart"
Actress: Sandra Bullock "The Blind Side"
Supporting Actor: Christoph Waltz "Inglourious Basterds"
Supporting Actress: Mo'Nique "Precious"
Adapted Screenplay: Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner "Up in the Air"
Original Screenplay: Quentin Tarantino "Inglourious Basterds"
Animated Feature: Up
Documentary Feature: The Cove
Foreign Film: The White Ribbon
Original Score: Michael Giacchino "Up"
Original Song: The Weary Kind "Crazy Heart"
Cinematography: Robert Richardson "Inglourious Basterds"
Film Editing: Bob Murawski and Chris Innis "The Hurt Locker"
Costume Design: Sandy Powell "The Young Victoria"
Art Direction: Avatar
Makeup: Star Trek
Sound Editing: Avatar
Sound Mixing: Avatar
Visual Effects: Avatar
Animated Short: La dama y la muerte
Documentary Short: The Last Truck: Closing of a GM Plant
Live Action Short Film: Kavi

Not only the best animated film, but also my favorite film of the year.

HOW I WOULD VOTE
Picture:
1. Inglourious Basterds
2. The Hurt Locker
3. Up
4. A Serious Man
5. Avatar
6. Precious
7. Up in the Air
8. District 9
9. An Education
10. The Blind Side
Director: Quentin Tarantino "Inglourious Basterds"
Actor: Jeff Bridges "Crazy Heart"
Actress: Gabourey Sidibe "Precious"
Supporting Actor: Christoph Waltz "Inglourious Basterds"
Supporting Actress: Mo'Nique "Precious"
Adapted Screenplay: Nick Hornby "An Education"
Original Screenplay: Quentin Tarantino "Inglourious Basterds"
Animated Feature: Fantastic Mr. Fox
Original Score: Alexandre Desplat "Fantastic Mr. Fox"
Original Song: The Weary Kind "Crazy Heart"
Cinematography: Robert Richardson "Inglourious Basterds"
Film Editing: Bob Murawski and Chris Innis "The Hurt Locker"
Costume Design: Colleen Atwood "Nine"
Art Direction: The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
Makeup: Star Trek
Sound Editing: Avatar
Sound Mixing: Inglourious Basterds
Visual Effects: Avatar

Oscar Predictions 2010

Surprisingly, a couple people told me they were looking forward to my Oscar predictions post...so I figured I better stop being lazy and write one. This year is turning our to be somewhat predictable as far as the major categories are concerned. With a bit of luck, I may even beat Garney in our Oscar pool! The predictions (here is a list of nominees if you need a reference):

Best Picture (# of nominees I've actually seen - 9 of 10 (I know I've said I'm off to see The Blindside, like, 10 times now, but it hasn't happened. Get off my back!!!))
Should Win: Inglourious Basterds
Will Win: The Hurt Locker
If it Wins, I will die inside: Avatar

Best Actress (3 of 5)
Should Win: Meryl Streep
Will Win: Sandra Bullock
Meryl's won a few times so I think the Academy will award Sandy for being so damn likable.

Best Actor (4 of 5)
Should Win: Jeremy Renner
Will Win: Jeff Bridges
I'm totally okay with a Jeff Bridges win. It's pretty much a "lifetime achievement" win, but I don't mind those. Plus, he was really good in Crazy Heart.

Supporting Actress (4 of 5)
Should and will win: Mo'Nique
Just one of those career making performances. No one else in this category really comes close.

Supporting Actor (1 of 5)
Should and will win: Christoph Waltz
Again, career making. I called this back in August and, as a result, didn't even bother watching the other nominees.

Animated Film (3 of 5)
Should Win: Fantastic Mr. Fox
Will Win: Up
Again, I'm fine with an Up win, but FMF should be recognized for its brilliance.

Best Director (5 of 5)
Should and will win: Kathryn Bigelow
As I said in my "review" of The Hurt Locker, it's awesome that one of the most talented "action" directors working today is female. Also, she should win just for also making Point Break.

Original Screenplay (4 of 5)
Should Win: Inglourious Basterds
Will Win: The Hurt Locker
QT deserves this. You know it's true. And I LIKED The Hurt Locker.

Adapted Screenplay (5 of 5)
Should and will win: Up in the Air
It's a movie for our times, people!

So those are the biggies. Some other, general thoughts:

* Avatar should and will win most of the technical awards. I mean, c'mon. It changed things...like how I feel about blue cat people and spirit trees.

* The song from Crazy Heart sure as hell better beat effing Randy Newman in the Best Song category or Red will have to cut someone.

* Food, Inc. = Best Documentary Feature

So those are my thoughts. Agree? Disagree? Could not care less? Sound off below!

Notes from the TV

Now that the Olympics are finished (and my roommate could not be happier), it's time for the return of your regularly scheduled programming. Shows like Dancing with the Stars which, as you may remember, I haven't cared about since the demise of The Gute. Well, the new cast was announced and it's not bad, but the name that really sticks out is NFL wide receiver Chad Ochocinco. We are big fans of Ocho here at The Watchword and may just have to check out how he dances. Can you imagine weekly DwtS recaps by Dave? Best. Thing. Ever.

Also, Parenthood debuts tonight. Based on the 1989 film by Ron Howard, I really had no interest in this reboot until Lauren Graham joined the cast. I think I might watch Lauren Graham watch paint dry...I do love her so. I'm still pretty sure this show will suck, but I'm giving it a shot.

And, in questions I already know the answer to, is anyone watching How to Make it in America on HBO? (you can watch full episodes here) It's basically Entourage with NYC hipsters which, I know, sounds truly terrible, but I really like it. Maybe because I cannot stop watching Bryan Greenberg who plays the lead character, Ben. There's just something about him, man. And I like it.

So, your thoughts on the DwtS cast? Will you be watching Parenthood? Do you know how to connect me with Bryan Greenberg so I can have 10,000 of his babies? Thanks! You're the best.