Things I Learned While Watching the Emmys

Somehow last night, I ended up watching the Emmys. I've started to DVR award shows, just in case something interesting happens, and I've decided it's the way to go. You get to skip all the commercials and dumb skits and boring acceptance speeches. So, I was only planning to watch if I heard interesting things about Seacrest and the telecast, but I ended up watching anyway (really, it's because I couldn't sleep. That's the worst thing about Sunday nights...other than the fact that the next day you have to go to work...you've caught up on all your sleep over the weekend and Sunday night you are wide awake. I hate it).

But, I digress. Here are some things I learned while watching the Emmys:

Christina Aguilera is Pregnant - This was pretty obvious, despite her best efforts to hide it. I'm not really sure why she feels the need to hide it. It's not like she's unmarried or having the baby of a creepy backup dancer or something.

Tony Bennett is Really Old - Okay. So I didn't just learn this...it was just reinforced. Props to him for being 100 and still singing and winning awards. I hope I'm that chipper at 100. Wait, he's only 81? My bad...

Sally Field, Glenn Close and Helen Mirren are Smokin' Hot - I hope I am that hot in my 60s. Hell, I wish I was that hot now...

Kayne West is a Really Bad Actor - ...and seemingly everywhere lately. I realize he has a CD to promote (and 50 Cent's career to kill), but he's coming dangerously close to Paris Hilton's everywhere-ness circa 2005 (btw...making up words is fun).

Hollywood Still Wants Al Gore to be President - Al Gore won some award for basically creating a precursor to YouTube (from what I could gather while fast forwarding through the ceremony) and they gave him a standing ovation. No one else (other than the casts of Roots and The Sopranos) received standing O's. Celebs love the Gorester. 50 bucks says he decides to run 5 days before the Iowa primary...and selects Affleck as a running mate when he wins the nomination.

Kristen Bell Does Not Let Her Bed Get Cold - Everyone's favorite teenage detective was already front and center with her new Heroes castmates. I was actually kinda excited about this because it seems she will have a larger role than I expected. One can never get enough K Bell.

Jeremy Piven is a Perv - The funniest joke Seacrest told all night involved Hayden Panettiere turning 18 and Ryan keeping her away from Jeremy Piven. Poor Jer Bear. I guess that's what he gets for hanging out with Lindsay Lohan.

James Spader had Surgery and is Now On Steroids - How else do you explain his transformation from the all time greatest sleaze ball to a guy who makes Shatner look hot? At least he knew Best Actor in a Drama should have gone to James Gandolfini. That was just retarded.

The Emmys Can't Get the Winners Right Either - Not only do they nominate the wrong people/shows, but they don't give the awards to the correct people/shows either. James Spader was the most obvious error. And as much as I adore Ricky Gervais, Alec Baldwin really should have won for Best Actor in a Comedy. I was happy to see 30 Rock win Best Comedy (even if it should have been The Office) and if The Sopranos hadn't won, somebody shoulda been whacked.

Seacrest Wasn't That Bad - This one kinda pains me, but other than dressing in that weird costume (what the hell was that about?) he was funny-ish and kept things moving along. I still say he should stick to Idol. Can't he and Kanye take a vacation or something?