Monday, April 13, 2009

Top 5: Signs You've Been Single a Little to Long


1. You learn one of your oldest, dearest, happilyest (totally a word) married friends is pregnant and it makes you cry...and not in a "I'm so happy for her" kinda way. More in a "Great, there's someone else I'll never see" kind of way.

2. You tell your dad and step-mom "I need to get a dog to reap the benefits of happiness and prolonged life they give" and your dad says, "You're gonna have cats. Lots of cats."

3. You put on pajamas as soon as you get home on Friday night and don't change out of them until brunch on Sunday.

4. You become so tired of saying "Not much" when people ask "What's new?" that you start telling everyone you are the scorekeeper for your company softball team like it's the most wonderful development to ever happen.

4a. You are the scorekeeper for your company softball team.

5. Your grandma tells you she considered getting you a gift certificate to E-Harmony for your birthday, but your mother told her not to. "Plus," she says, "apparently they can reject you on those sites. You'd probably get rejected."

So, you know, how was your Easter weekend?

14 comments:

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Awwww man. Sniff. :)

On the upside, you do get to hang around (hopefully) cute boys in tight pants at softball, no? Or are they merely corporate icky types you have no desire to see in tight anything?

words...words...words... said...

At the very least, misery clearly makes good comedy...I laughed out loud.

I think the course of action here is clear. Get some cats and train them to attack your mom and dad like a team of spider monkeys.

red said...

Just for the record, my mom didn't make any comments about my single hood. Only Dad and Grandma.

Liz said...

Your grandma sounds like a beezy, haha

danielle970 said...

I think I need to make another trip out to the City of Awesome... because it seems that we are leading parallel lives on opposite sides of the country and I think it's time we joined forces. What do you say?

red said...

D: I think that sounds like a fantastic plan!

Andra said...

AHHHHAHAHAAHAHAH!:) Wow, thank you, Red, for making me feel a teensy bit better about being single! Also, what's wrong with being the scorekeeper on your softball team? All the glory, none of the pain, is what I'm thinking...

blah said...

I'm sorry that my laughter comes at your expense. At least you're not of Asian descent and are in danger of an arranged marriage.

But why be the scorekeeper? Why not take the field and take out a bunch of guys at second base while breaking up the double play?

Del-V said...

Number 1 is right on!

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

My God, this is the saddest thing I've ever read. I'm totally setting you up with my brother.

Red said...

EHarmony does work for some people. (A friend of mine I thought would NEVER get married is engaged to a girl he met there.) I met EG on match.com. Before him, (and while we were apart) I dated match guys who were varying degrees of "less wonderful than EG", but I'm a big believer in online dating as it brought me the best man I know.

I also recommend that you check out Jane Wonder's latest post. (One Date Wonder is linked at Bridget Joes Has Nothing on Me.) Be you, be fabulous, be happy and if the right guy comes along, so be it. But that's not what makes or breaks you, and you shouldn't let _anyone_ tell you it is.

red said...

blah: No one wants me to actually play. I'm terrible at sports, but I do like keeping score.

TIR: Really?! I've always dreamed of romancing a Brit.

Red: I'm actually cool with being single...my family is just becoming a bit annoying about it. I'll mos def check out that post, though. Sounds right up my alley!

Garney said...

If I didn't have rehearsal on Saturday I would've been in my PJs from Friday night until Monday morning. But I would have put jeans on over them to walk my dog.

Andra said...

Also, red, who's pregnant?