You know the vice president doesn't even do anything, don't you?

Barack Obama is going to name a running mate. It will happen. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of our lives. Or for the rest of the campaign season at least.

But if you follow the dang ol’ Mainstream Media (everyone’s favorite nemesis, including my own, mostly because it doesn’t pay me enough) you’d think if Obama doesn’t pick a running mate RIGHT NOW, the very fabric of being that holds together the human race would collapse in upon itself, leaving nothing but dark matter in its place. (As if that would be a bad thing. God, you're so racist).

Today I looked at CNN’s Web site (which I sometimes do to see what “The Big Story of the Day is,” even though their lead piece is usually just something telling me that all my neighbors are child molesters). At the top of the page, there was a “breaking news” scroll that said reporters were camped out outside VP candidate Tim Kaine’s house.

Really CNN? This is what you’re putting your resources into? Camping an army outside a possible VP’s house and then telling us about it? What, do you think we’re impressed?

A) We’re not
B) Even if this Kaine guy wins, he’s not going to run outside like a kid with his straight A report card or a starlet with an Oscar and gush to you hacks all about it. He'll be in seclusion until him and Obama can do some kind rally together, most likely with a subtle "Hope/Change" motif. Numbskulls.
C) Why don’t you put this kind of effort into, I don’t know, finding out how badly the current president is spying on us, or just what the situation on the ground in Iraq really calls for?

I’m heaping all this criticism on CNN, but really, all the big cable outlets and what not are doing this. It’s just moronic. Also, why don’t they care so much about who McCain’s VP choice is?

Anyway, I’ll get off my soapbox now, but seriously, if I see one more headline to the effect of, “Possible Obama VP sited eating orange. What could it mean?” I might have to do the unthinkable and not read the Internet or watch TV all day. Please, no one wants it to come to that. No one!