Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The Hits Just Keep On Coming

Dear Last Week,

Why do you hate me so much? You began by telling me I could no longer access personal email or The Facebook during the day, forcing me to pay out the nose to actually hook up an internet connection in my home. Then you told me California decided it was too broke to pay their tax refunds and Arnold is issuing IOUs instead. Next, you fraked with Blogger until I could only compose things in HTML...with no ability to add pictures. To further make my life suck, you somehow got me to agree to go on a date with someone I had no interest in, only to have me sleep through the first 30 minutes of said date because I thought (or rather you thought) bottomless mimosas at brunch was a good idea. You also apparently thought it was a good idea to let me text a boy I should be over by now while drinking those mimosas, resulting in feeling supremely lame for, well, I'm still pissed about that one, actually. To top it off, you thought it would be fun to plant Valentine's Day down in the middle of all this mess and let me spend the day reading Watchmen and watching movies like Hellboy II, prompting one rather verbose gentleman to inform me I'd need a complex understanding of exponents to understand how sad, on a scale of 1-10, my life really is..."No one has ever counted that high," he said. But I don't blame him...I blame you. Please stop hating me. I realize there are people, like, losing their jobs and their fortunes and stuff, but I'd really just like my internet back...and to stop being so tragic. Can you please help a sister out?

Thanks in advanced,

Red

11 comments:

Liz said...

I <3 you!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

If you forget the exponents and just go with a logarithm scale, it'll be easier...

...says the guy who just wrote a book review for something called Orcs.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

THEY TOOK YOUR INTERNETS???????

This is WAR. With a big, fat, one finger in your eye "W".

danielle970 said...

Bottomless mimosas at lunch is never a good idea. And yet champagne brunch is on my Top Ten List of Things I Heart About San Diego. Oh the irony.

I hope this week kicked last week's ass. Next week will be much better, I promise. =)

pistols at dawn said...

Let's spin these things positively for you. Less internet means more time to drink and go see actual people, or, failing that, watch more TV. Secondly, at least someone was interested in taking you out on the town. Third, getting drunk before noon is always awesome. Fourth, if you weren't going to end up with a crush, who cares if it ends well or in a giant burning car wreck of emotive texts? Fifth, a funny dude who apparently loves mathematics talks to you.

Chin up, hero.

Falwless said...

Awwwww! :( :(

I so sorry you no have good week. If it weren't so lame for me to give you a cyberhug I'd totally do i.. oh what the hell ...

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Red}}}}}}}}}}}}}

words words words said...

Dear Next Week:

Your predecessor left a mess and though it's not your fault, you're going to have to clean it up. You're going to bring Red the following:

* Lightning fast internets, like fast enough to download high quality porn before you lose the feelin'.

* A tax refund issued in either cash or drink tickets.

* A boy that thinks bottomless mimosas are the perfect way to get to know someone

* A personal text message screener

* A mathematical proof that demonstrates many other people's lives are sadder. You can use mine.

Sincerely,
WWW

Some Guy said...

If you think last week was bad, brace yourself for three weeks from now. He's a total bastard.

Garney said...

I still think that's an awesome Valentine's.

catherinette said...

You totally need to break up with Last Week. It totally hates you.

Red said...

Okay, well now this week's almost gone and I'm just catching up. Hugs! I was theorizing that the verbose gentleman was Pistols, but then I read his surprisingly sweet comment.