Friday, December 7, 2007

Counterpoint: The Grammys

Nickelback is from Canada? NOW it makes sense!

People watch the Grammys. I do, sometimes. There's nothing like a stirring live performance by Shania Twain to nourish the soul, and inspire you to move forward with your drab, meaningless existence. But in any case, we love the Grammys because, well, they're the Grammy's and they have the same shit every single year:

1) Bombastic, Over-the-Top hip hop artist/producer

This is a fucking Grammy staple, you CANNOT avoid this. Snoop, Pac, Diddy, Chuck D, ODB the list goes on and on. This year it's Kanye, and his album is good, so I won't hate. Rock Solid Prediction: K-Weezy does live performance with church choir and/or mismatched pop star. Vegas has John Mayer at 2-1.

"Cuz I'll do anything for a Klondike. And I would do anything for a blonde dyke."

That's deep, Kanye. Deep.

2) Mary Chapin Carpenter

This broad must be the greatest musician of all time, because she gets nominated for something every single year it seems like. Must be like, the female Harry Connick or something, I have no clue. This year, Mrs. Carpenter garners the nomination for Best Comtemporary Folk/Americana Album. Alright Mary, strap on the knee high leather boots and give us your unique brand of sultry blues/folk/Lillith Fair/whatever. Open wide America, here comes the airplane! Rock Solid Prediction: She wins, the Acadamy pours billions into stem-cell research in an attempt to create a Mary Chapin clone for the benefit of future generations.

3) Token Lifetime Acheivement Grammy for over-the-hill artist

Put on your best suit, Herbie Hancock. Get a facial. Go to a few Toastmasters meetings. Cause you're going to be making an acceptance speech. The Boss would be a shoe in, but he got his for that one album, with the trolly car video, something about Philedelphia. Anyways, the main reason Herbie is a shoe in: 57 albums. Dude's got Grammys for Rock It and some other stuff, but has yet to go home with any "Big Game/Elephant's Head" awards. His latest is a jazz/funk tribute to Joni Mitchell, with guest vocals from the likes of Norah Jones and Tina Turner. This is the Acadamy equivelent of getting an entire bag of red Skittles, it's just SOOOO much goodness. They set the standard after passing over Kid A for Steely Dan, and a Bob Dylan later, it's Herbie's turn. Rock Solid Prediction: Pretty sure I just gave it to you. The few songs I've heard off of this album are pretty good, actually.

4) Emotionally Powerful/Evocative Alternative Rock Performance

"Yeah, Dave Grohl? Yes, this is the Acadamy. Please don't shave the beard. Ummm, yes we do want you to perform live. Of course, play whatever you want, just make everyone cry." Rock Solid Prediction: Flea streaks on stage and does the first "Commando Crowd Surf" in Grammy history.

On a side note, Common's Finding Forever has in fact, been nominated for best hip hop /rap album of the year, good to see him be recognized. A real banner year for Chi-Town, here's The People, off of said album:


Liz said...

I think Harry Connick, Jr is the male Mary Chapin. Glad to know someone's paying attention to adult contemporary, Dave.

Red said...

I'm kinda intrigued about Herbie's tribute to Joni. I think this officially makes me old...

Dave H said...

How can one ignore a Siren for the ages like Mary Chapin Carpenter?