Thursday, September 11, 2008

Things I learned while staying home sick

You learn a few things while laying on the couch, burning your only remaining sick day with your third sinus infection of the year. I thought I'd share a few of the most important tidbits I picked up:

HBO won’t let you watch its shows for free on its web site. Come on, Home Box Office, help a sister out! I know you have that whole “premium cable, no commercials” thing going on, but Showtime lets you watch their stuff. I wanna see this new vampire show you’re doing, but I can’t afford your channel. You’re supposed to be nice to me right now, I’m sick!

I won’t be able to run from NASCAR for much longer. I just saw a commercial for that Thomas Kinkade gallery thing, and apparently they’re making NASCAR prints now. I’m still resisting, but I get the feeling it's getting more and more futile.

The clock on my living room wall is really f&cking loud. I went to bed really early last night, so even though my face hurts and I feel like I’m going to vomit, I’m not all that tired. So I’m on my couch, right under this goddamn clock, and it sounds like mice are performing STOMP in the wall next to my head. It ain’t helping, ‘s all I’m saying.

Time Life is still in business. I always thought Time Life stopped making books after it jumped the shark with those ones about the supernatural, but here they are, on my daytime television, hocking a ten-hour DVD set about WWII. Operators are standing by, I'm sure.

They should have cancelled the Price is Right when Bob Barker retired. Drew Carey’s not bad, but let’s be honest – this show needs a vaguely smarmy host with the air of a sophisticated used car salesman like I need anti-biotics. Otherwise it just doesn’t work.

Vaya con Dios.


Red said...

TruBlood (the new HBO vampire show) is pretty cool. I'd say come over and watch it, but you still have Generation Kill to make it through.

Being sick sucks. Feel better soon!

Dr Zibbs said...

What's a book?

Dave H said...

LOL, just so much to react to in this post. I totally remember that Time/Life alien encoutners thing, tooo funny.

True Blood is pretty tight, there's actual vampire porn.

BeckEye said...

You should be watching Lingo instead of The Price is Right.

Garney said...

You can rent the premiere episode to True Blood from Blockbuster, but that's like only a buck less than doing the $5/month introductory offer that cable companies usually have for HBO.

Red said...

P.S. Thomas Kinkade + NASCAR = sad

words words words said...

You have to fight the good fight and keep resisting NASCAR. What if a child sees you give in? Then he'll think it's okay. Remember the children. They're our future. That's effing scary.

Falwless said...


I don't know why I yelled that.

Listen, despite all these other people leading you astray, there's really no need to be scared of NASCAR. In fact, if you promise not to tell anyone I told you this, I sometimes watch it. SOMETIMES. It's sort of fun. IT'S NOT JUST FOR REDNECKS ANYMORE! It's the #1 watched "sport" in America!

Dave H said...

Badminton > NASCAR