Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Confessions of a Facebooktard

I hate social networking sites. They always make me feel like such an old lady and a loser. However, one day earlier this year, a friend sent me a song by a mutual friend on Facebook and I had to sign-up to listen. So, I did...because I am weak.

Now, people send me virtual stuff on a semi-daily basis. My friend Anastasia sends me fish for my H2Otopia (she also cleans my tank since I can't figure out how to do it myself). Apparently, if I sent her fish, it would somehow provide clean water for all the kids in Africa (and keep her for a friend, as accepting gifts without reciprocating is kinda douchey). My friend Angela sends me plants for a virtual garden. Again, if I could figure out how to send her plants in return, it would save, like, a billion acres of rain forest in the Amazon. The internets are magic! This morning, I was informed I am now "owned" and am worth $6,850. While I think that price is a little low, I don't understand why some people are worth only a dollar and I'm worth more than six grand...especially since I've never done anything to increase my worth. It's all very confusing.

All evidence posted here to the contrary, I am not a moron, but Facebook makes me feel like I couldn't program a VCR (and I can! Or I could when people still used that archaic technology). Granted, if I can't figure out how to do something within 30 seconds, I give up and move on to something else, but still...all these things are evidence I am, as I suspected, too old and lame for Facebook. So, after I use it to invite everyone I've ever met to my 30th birthday party, I will disappear from The Book and vow to never virtually network again. So say we all.

(P.S. Thanks for sending me stuff, friends. It makes me feel special, even if I complain and don't know what to do with any of it.)

12 comments:

Liz said...

I have a love/hate relationship with social networking sites. Because they're infinitley stupid and lame, yet they're also a fun time waster, and its been a fun way to catch up with people from high school and college who I haven't seen in a while. But yeah, I feel your pain.

Falwless said...

I am a total hypocrite when it comes to The Facebooks Internet. I roll my eyes when I receive another ribbon or virtual pet or someone super pokes me with an electric rod or whatever the fuck that shit is. But then I waste no time gifting random creepy losers to friends with that Owned! thing. I sometimes stop and think you people are rolling your eyes right back at me, but you know what? At least now you own random creepy loser guy to whom you can bitch and complain.

Really. I am selfless.

BeckEye said...

Currently, I have about 5 gazillion application requests, ranging from "Join the zombie fight against the vampires" to "Fans of guys named Joe who have beards." I just let them accumulate because I'm too lazy to even go through and deny them all.

I virtually adopted a dog from the Pokey application, which was really cute for a while, but just the other day I realized what a pain in the ass waste of my time it was, so I virtually euthanized him. It was the only humane thing to do.

Dr Zibbs said...

Unless it's something that's going to directly impact me or my amazing, award winning blog, I have no use for doing all the poke nonsense on Facebook or scrable or such nonsense... unless it involves real life reach around potential..Get my drift?

Dr Zibbs said...

Also HAHHAHAHAHAA on Beckeyes comment. I'm cracking up over here.

Jon said...

Wait, so that whole "owning you" thing is just make believe? Huh. Can I get my money back?

Wizard Cat said...

It's the red hair. That's work $6000, right there. Rowr.

pistols at dawn said...

Really, Facebook is only good to help you reconnect with all those people you've lost touch with, so you can exchange a few awkward messages and remember why you lost touch with them.

But I don't respond to any of those ridiculous game things, because the only thing lamer than gardening/poking people/etc. is e-gardening/e-poking people/e-etc.

Grant Miller said...

If you ever get Scrabble on your Facebook let me know. It's the only reason I enjoy Facebook.

Grant Miller said...

Wait...Is Pistols on Facebook? Because I've searched and searched and searched for him...

Garney said...

Did you hear about Aaron Sorkin writing a script about Facebook? Poor Tom. He's such old news.

ange said...

it doesn't really matter how much you're worth so long as i own you.