Thursday, June 12, 2008

Gingers Search Results: Some Advice

Recently, someone stumbled upon the blog after searching for "advice on why one should BREAK UP WITH their BOYFRIEND" (no idea what the wacky capitalization is all about). I'm sure they were disappointed with the results found herein, so I decided to help them out, should they ever visit again. Here are the top 5 reasons one should breakup with their boyfriend:

1. He is boring - I don't care how cute he is, if he is uninteresting, you can do better...unless you are uninteresting. Then you're screwed.

2. He has bad taste - If, for example, his favorite song so far this year is Low, he needs to go! (see what I did there? I astound myself with my own cleverness...and by "cleverness" I mean "ability to rhyme sometimes")

3. He creeps you out - I suppose the question would be, "Why did you date him in the first place?" I dunno, okay. Get off my back. Jesus!

4. He doesn't like sports - This is basically sign #1 that he is gay (sorry Dan)...and, take it from a recovering theater geek, life is too short to crush on gay men.

5. He's thinks Jessica Simpson is smokin' hot - That's pretty much unforgivable.

Hopefully, this helps our curious little visitor. Perhaps you will add some helpful tips of your own, dear reader. And tune in next time when I help the curious fella who searched for "yo old man, you gonna pass that doobie or what?" I don't want to give anything away, but the answer is No. No, he will not pass the doobie.


teamslinger said...

#5 made me chuckle. I keep seeing those Proactiv commercials showing her zitty face.

doorknob_dan said...


I represent that anti-sports comment! Err, resent!

But little do you know, I like explosions enough to make up for the lack of interest in sports. And oh yeah, I like having sex with women. Or A woman. Would do.

I should just shut up before I blurt out that it's been a long time since I've had sex.


BeckEye said...

#1 on my list: Michael Johns asks you out.

Falwless said...

OOoooohh, good post. Let's think.

- He has long-ish fingernails
- He has more than a passive interest in Star Trek
- He has a tiny rod
- He tries to choke you during sex
- He tries to choke you not during sex

There are probably many more. I hope this helps your visitor.

Jon said...

Wait... since when is creepiness a turnoff? I have a lot to learn I guess.

pistols at dawn said...

Falwless, if you didn't want to be choked out, you shouldn't have entered the Octagon. And no, it's not weird at all that I call my bedroom "the Octagon."

And if you want to include jealous things like #5, because you hate it when people have a thing for attractive people, then you're living up to one of the things on my list: overly bitter.

However, that's only on my list because I'm bitter enough for two.

Red said...

Pistols: I don't hate it when men have a thing for attractive women. I hate when men have a thing for mindless idiots. Huge difference.

MelO said...

Ewwwwww long(ish) fingernails!! Soooo gross!

LMAO, by the way

Liz said...

I'd agree with #5 only because its unoriginal. Kind of ties into #1. Of course, I have nothing worthwhile to ad to this, which makes me unoriginal too. It's a vicious cycle!!!

pistols at dawn said...

Red, I'll grant you that (I personally don't get why people think John Mayer is so deep and soulful when he stayed with her for like a year), but you said "hot," which she is, physically.

And mentally, well, I'm sure you've learned firsthand that most men shy away from any kind of intellectual challenge.

feathers said...

altho what one woman finds totally boring, another could find totally dreamy! case in point, 'The Boner" hee, hee

i think you should also break up with your man if he likes to sleep with other people. I mean some folks find this charming and qualify with "boys will be boys" but i myself think it's a little rude.