Monday, June 23, 2008

Trainwreck Watch: Amy Winehouse (Vol. Holy Hell!)

In “So Sad it’s Really not Funny Anymore, Unlike Most Sad Things that are Generally Still Kind of Funny so Long as They’re Not Happening to You” News, Amy Winehouse has emphysema.

Emphysema! The disease old people who’ve been smoking a pack of cigs a day since they were the hottest taxi dancer at the U.S.O. get. Amy Winehouse is 24.

Her father (God, that poor man) says it’s from a combo of smoking cigarettes and crack. Crack! The drug the CIA pumped into America’s black neighborhoods to quell the Black Panther movement. (OK, allegedly). Amy Winehouse is British. And rich. How does that even happen?

OK, from here on out, I am calling for a moratorium on Amy Winehouse news. We’ll abide by it if you do, mainstream media. Unless she comes out with a new album, and it’s really good, no more mentions of this sad, broken child. Let’s just let her slip into obscurity in peace.

Goodnight, sweet crayon-faced addict. And flights of angels sing thee to rehab.


Red said...

Other than the scary makeup, she looks kinda cute in this pic. Ah, poor little tranny mess.

Falwless said...

I heard this yesterday and was shocked. They say she has, like, only 70% lung capacity. Stay off the drugs, kids, stay off the drugs. Poor Wino.

BeckEye said...

And yet, her doppleganger, Keith Richards remains in perfect health!

Liz said...

Keith is bionic. He should be in a lab somewhere so we can study how he's still alive.

Gifted Typist said...

may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest ... love that quote ...
love Amy Winehouse.

I just hope she doesn't become another janis joplin