Tuesday, June 3, 2008

This (mostly) Just In: Men & Relationships Edition

This edition is not even "mostly just in" because most of this crap happened last week while I was on vacation. However, Must. Make. Snarky. Comments. Enjoy:

David Cook asked out Kimberly Caldwell - So that's his type, eh? I wish them nothing but the best...and by "best" I mean try not to lose your shirt in the divorce, asshole.

Clay Aiken Impregnated Someone - Not, like, really. The women was artificially inseminated. If this isn't the surest sign ever that he is gay, I don't know what is. He needs to Lance Bass it already.

George Clooney is Single Again - I actually cheered when I heard this news...mainly because George is too fabulous to be with a hot chick who's biggest claim to fame is appearing on Fear Factor.

Bill Murray is Single Again, Too - I really hope he's not the sex/drug/hitting ladies addict his wife claims. I hope he's more the supremely unhappy guy from Lost in Translation...because that's so much better.

All these men and their new or failing relationships lead me to believe something weird is happening with men right now. I swear, every guy I've ever known is mulling around lately suggesting I bear their children or meet them for the weekend in Vegas. When it rains it pours, I tell ya. Geez!

Bill, I'll meet you in Japan.


BeckEye said...

Yeah, Cookie's probably the guy who would propose at the football game on the Jumbotron so the girl can't say no. I would never marry a guy who did that.

Well, okay, if it was Michael Johns I might still say yes.

Mathdude said...

So you're saying you want to meet me in Las Vegas? Oh, you're all cryptic about it and all, but I'm going to have to take a pass!

Falwless said...

I'm so glad you posted something after the SatC post. I had to cover my eyes and quickly click away. I don't want to spoil anything for when I do see it!

1. David Cook and Kimberly Caldwell - I'll admit, I kinda YouTube'd the entire event - saw him ask her out, heard him talk about it to others on TV shows (Regis & Kelly), and saw the TMZ footage of them walking out after dinner.. I just don't get it, Red. Her?? HER???? A vapid little blonde thing? Okay, okay, maybe she's not vapid, but she certainly pretends to be. I dunno, I'm so at a loss here.

George Clooney - Yeah, so I just heard Sarah's friends are saying it was quite an abrupt break-up, too. Like she was thinking marriage was in the future and KABOOM! Implosion! Should be interesting to hear the little details that leak..

Bill Murray - You couldn't have said it better, I was thinking the EXACT same thing - when I saw the blurb on the statements made in the divorce filing, I thought, noooo, nooo, I can't even wrap my brain around that. I totally want to think of him as EXACTLY his character in Lost in Translation.

Were you kidding about guys asking you to bear their children or meet them in Vegas? Because if you weren't kidding you suck and throw some game my way.

This post was so money, baby. Nice work.

pistols at dawn said...

I have enough actual friends with relationship troubles to not worry about these sorts of things.

For example, given Falw's lengthy feelings on two people I've never heard of from a show I've never seen going out, now I'm worried that she needs a relationship.

pistols at dawn said...

Oh, and also - is it really still a surprise that men like vapid, pretty girls? Like, if your parents tried the old "I've got your nose" trick when you were 2, you still fell for it, right? But if they tried it now, after every single sentient moment you could remember, would it still surprise you and make you touch your face, just to make sure you still, in fact, had your nose?

Falwless said...

I can't stop laughing. Touché, Pistols, touché. I just thought Mr. Cook was different, is all. (God, did that just come out of my fingers? I'm so pathetic.)

And yes, it's quite possible I'm in need of a relationship.

Unless you're offering, move along and stop dissing me, numnut.

Red said...

Becks: You are totally right. I am so over him.

MB: At this point, you'd have to take a pass. There are only so many fellas a gal can juggle at one time.

Fal: First, I can't believe you didn't see it yet!!! And yeah, I don't get Kim Caldwell either. It's like we don't even know him! Finally, I will happily throw some game your way. You can have Mathdude.

Pistols: I love when you visit and make fun of Fal and me because it's like we are in 4th grade again. Like, the boys who like you most are the ones who tease you the worst. It's cute.

pistols at dawn said...

Fal and Red, e-dipping your metaphorical pigtails in the inkwell is the only sort of wooing I understand, because, like most men, once courtship evolved past "Do you like me - check 'yes' or 'no'" notes, we were out of ideas.

doorknob_dan said...



Incidentally, I attended a school that had desks with the holes in them that one would set said inkwells into. Being that my generation had fanciful pens and no needs for ink dipping, the hole provided easy access to the floor for garbage to fall through. Convenient!

Anonymous said...