The Downward Spiral is Complete

Dear Britney,

I hear you just lost custody of your kids. What happened to you? How effed up do you have to be to lose custody to K Fed? I liked you, Britney. I don't think you're particularly talented or bright (tough love, babe, sorry), but there is something about you I always liked. You out slutted X-tina when you smooched Madonna, out hicked Jessica Simpson with your "barefoot in the gas station" episode, and out cheesed Mandy Moore in Crossroads. Now, though, you're a bit of a train wreck and I just feel sorry for you (well, kinda...I have a hard time feeling sorry for millionaires).

At this point, you just need to disappear for awhile - make up with Mama, go back to Louisiana and chill out for a few years. Kick the drugs and the insanity and get back in touch with everyone's favorite snake charmer. In, like, 5 years, you can make a comeback and be bigger then the Spice Girls.

All the Best,

Lora