Thursday, April 10, 2008

Wherein I Prove John Krasinski and I are Made for Each Other

NBC’s Comedy Night Done Right (a title I feel the need to use as much as possible because it’s so awesomely bad) finally returns tonight with all new episodes. It’s been way too long since we all hung out with Liz Lemon and Michael Scott (unfortunately, we were reunited with Earl last week. He does not look good, friends. He needs to have some work done). Of course, I’m most excited to see Jim Halpert again…mainly because John Krasinski and I are destined to become lovers. Observe:

John Krasinski


Born Oct. 20, 1979

Born November 30, 1978 (see the similarity there? No? Okay, fine. Me neither.)

Has a B.A. in English Literature from Brown University

Has a B.A. in English Literature from a school almost as good as Brown…or a school once named the #2 Party School in America. I forget which.

Thought about becoming a high school English teacher, but became an actor instead.

Thought about becoming a high school English teacher, but became an evil Warmonger instead.

Works in a pretend office for a living and dates the cute receptionist.

Works in a real office for a living and never sees members of the opposite sex under 55.

Sometimes gets to make movies with George Clooney.

Sometimes gets to watch movies starring George Clooney.

Writes adorably funny things like this where he imagines his life as an English teacher:

“I go by Mr. K. I'm teaching English at a prep school in rural Connecticut. In my class, homework is not homework, it's preparation for the next day. I love teaching books that have been pigeonholed as 'epics,' and my big thing is discovering for yourself why you like them. I'd have a lot of stuff written in some cryptic way on the whiteboard where you can't understand it until we start talking about the book. I'd throw desk supplies off bridges... I've gone out on several dates with the bio teacher. Her name is Sarah, and she's just a really great girl. I'm more gregarious than she is; she brings me into the underground indie-world stuff and I bring her sonnets. It's weird because the kids are talking about this new show called The Office and they're like, ‘You guys are so much like Pam and Jim!’ and I'm like, ‘I don't have a TV. Sorry, I'm not into pop culture stuff.’”

Posted on

Imagines writing adorably funny things and sometimes writes them down, but mostly forgets them and pumps out inane bullshit instead.

I think I totally proved my case here.

If I told you I'll try to be less boy crazy next week, would you really even believe me?


Garney said...

At least Comedy Night Done Right isn't as insulting as Must See TV

Great chart. I felt like I was reading a page of EnteRedMent Weekly.

Red said...

You know, G. That's the nicest compliment you've ever given me :)

pistols at dawn said...

I think every girl I know has a crush on him, and why not?

But really, in this day and age, who doesn't have an English degree? They hand them out at sporting events.

doorknob_dan said...

I don't get what the big deal about Pam is on The Office. Speaking of The Office.

But you're right, the similarities are astonishing!

BeckEye said...

I love Jim too. I have a subscription to EW, so I was just reading that article last night.

Prepare to get lots of compliments on your chart. When I did that for my movie reviews, people went apeshit. All it takes is a little HTML to make the peeps happy.

Red said...

Pistols: Thanks for so easily dismissing all my years of hard work.

Dan: I don't know any guy who likes Pam all that much. Is it because all men really love bitches?

Becks: If I woulda known all it took was a Word table to get compliments, every post would have a chart!

Falwless said...

First of all, the evidence is both clear and beautifully presented in table format. Second, I can't stop laughing at BeckEye's, "Prepare to get lots of compliments on your chart. When I did that for my movie reviews, people went apeshit. All it takes is a little HTML to make the peeps happy."

One more thing--you can't have dibs on EVERY MAN. HELLLOOOOO. Leave some for me please?

Red said...

Fal: What? You have Jason Castro and Josh Wolk! And Shaggy! How many men do you need, woman??!?!

Fine. We can share John Krasinski. I hear he splits his time between the East and West Coasts anyway.

Liz said...

That's 'cause he's a Boston area native. Like all us cool kids. (He went to High School with BJ Novak, aka The Hot Temp/New Jan).

The Guv'ner said...

I think you and John K. are practically the same person! Plus I don't know Red...I've never seen both of you in the same room, know what I'm saying?

Red said...

Guv: I can neither confirm nor deny the fact that John K and I are actually the same person. But if we are, man am I hot!