Happy Birthday to us!

Ahh the first anniversary. A time for roses, a candlelit dinner, and you whispering sweet nothings onto our comment boards. A year ago today, Red and I (with the occasional help from Dave and Garney) set upon the journey of creating a blog. We knew that the world had a hole only our clever observations on pop culture and current events could fill. And we knew that giving it a confusing, nonsensical name was the best way to package those observations.

I was supposed to give you my Top 5 favorite posts yesterday, but I was too busy destroying Dave. So, with apologies to some amazing pictures of Steve Guttenberg, Red's copious Top 5s and one really funny comment section, here's my list.

5) This one, just because something about the headline always make me laugh. Seriously though, the audacity.

4) Another one that I just love the headline. And I had to give Dave some love after rick rolling him to death.

3) Scarfing down a controversy. Those corgi puppies are still my candle in the dark.

2) State of the Gingers . Where did Red find that picture?

1) Who is your celebrity twin? This post seems like standard fare for our site, and I guess it is, but its sort of like the pinnacle of our standard fare. This is what GitW is all about (is that sad?) - a goofy, personal take on the parade of images we can't escape nowadays. And you all seemed to agree, as this thing got a whopping 21 comments!

Thanks to all you guys for reading our nonsense and taking part in the fun. Here's to (at least) one more year!

Where the F*ck is Carmen San Diego?

Considering the only video games I've ever loved are Tetris, Oregon Trail and Carmen San Diego, this is pretty much the best thing ever:

Dave, You're on Notice

So, today is Dave's turn to pick his top 5 favorite GitW posts from the last year. He says he'll do it tonight...after completing about a million other things...so Liz and I came up with 5 things we will do to Dave if he flakes. Observe:

1. Rickroll him to death. Like, literally, to death. Because I'm sure that's somehow possible.

2. Block his access to YouTube. Which will make him cry. Dave loves YouTube like these two love cake.

3. Steal his collection of throwback jerseys and special issue baseball caps. We'd then sell them for quite a few dollars and put all the cash in the Red's 30th Birthday Party fund. Really, we may do this anyway.

4. Force him to never talk about sports again. This may make him explode.

5. Require him to vote for John McCain. Okay, that may be bordering on cruel and unusual.

Let's hope, for Dave's sake, he doesn't let us all down. Meanwhile, scroll down and read Garney's post from yesterday. It's funny enough to cover 2 days.

Don't make us do it, Dave!

Middle America: Group of states, or state of mind?

I was reading an analysis of Michelle Obama's speech at the Democratic National Convention, and the analyzer said he thought her dress may have been "too bold for Middle America." This reminded me of a debate that began in my office about a year ago and never quite got resolved: Where is "Middle America"?

When people say Middle America, do they mean the physical middle of the country? Like the midwest? Or are they referring to the middle tier of society? Average folks, like?

I always thought it was the midwest, but someone in my office from Cleveland insists its the middle tier. Though he just might not want to come from "Middle America," since its usually used to describe a bunch of unsophisticated rubes.

Either way, I think this mysterious "Middle America" is chronically underestimated. You don't need to be from New York City to think Michelle Obama's dress looked lovely with her skin tone (though I'll admit I didn't realize it was a dress at first and thought it was a little casual. When I saw the full view, I stood corrected), and you don't need to be from LA to "get" things like The Daily Show and 30 Rock. Also, not everyone in Omaha wears elastic-waste sweatpants all the time and, and not everyone in South Dakota refuses to let their kids read Harry Potter. Furthermore, having grown up on the east coast and now residing on the west, I can assure you there are unfashionable, unitelligent troglodites who dwell by the sea as well, and wouldn't be caught dead in a Whole Foods.

My point being (and I do have one, sort of), is that I have faith in this "Middle America," wherever it is it may be.

5 Random Hugs for the Gingers

I remember a year ago when Red was starting this blog and asked me for suggestions on what to call it and I submitted Pop Cult Sure. For some reason she went with Gingers is the Watchword. At first I thought it was Ginger Sis the Watchword and I was reluctant to accept her invitation to contribute because I had neither red hair nor a vagina. She cleared things up for me though and I figured it would be okay to contribute as I had once worn a red haired wig for Halloween at the age of four when I was forced to be Raggedy Andy since my older sister (Daddy's favorite) wanted to be Raggedy Anne.

So now for the one year anniversary taking place this Friday, all the contributors have been invited to list five personal favorites. However, since none of the entries are really that great I hesitate to use the term "favorite" so instead I have selected five random ones that weren't so bad.

1. What Are Your Pop-Culture Deal Breakers? (May 15, 2008) This is a perfect example of the kind of lunacy that goes on here at Gingers. Red blogs about her "pop-culture" hangups that must be met in a potential mate (with a questionable use of a hyphen). It seems crazy until you think about it and realize she's onto something (about the pop culture criteria; not the hyphen).

2. Gingers are Freaking Funny (January 8, 2008) I'm surprised at how many times I send Red a video link and then find it as an entry here on Gingers. This is one of the rare times I don't get a shoutout for sharing. Still, it serves as a great example of one of the great entries that is simply a one-line intro for a great clip that speaks for itself. If you didn't get a chance to see the clip you can watch it here since the original video is no longer active.

3. Be True to Your School (May 7, 2008) I had to include this entry from Red because of the national attention it received when it topped some kind of list of compatible blogs at the bottom of a report on the same subject for CNN.com. The cocaine factor is an added bonus for this recovering addict. Ah, sweet sweet cocaine.

4. Reel Resurrection: Empire of the Sun (May 12, 2008) I love the Reel Resurrection entries here at Gingers and not just because it ends with erection. Though I don't agree with every title that is highlighted in the series (I pause to reference a great quote from a recent minisode of Rescue Me: In the past 25 years you are the only person in the English-speaking world to use the word "Clue" "good" and "movie" in that exact order.) I have to give Liz kudos for selecting an underappreciated gem like Empire of the Sun.

5. This (mostly) Just In... (May 14, 2008) Another mainstay of the Gingers universe, it's always reassuring to read these entries by Red and be reminded that I am not the only one who wastes their time thinking about things that ultimately don't matter. This particular installment was noteworthy because it was particularly more gay than usual. And by gay I mean in the style of the flaming homosexual male that seems to mold this little blog family we share here at Gingers.

So there you have it, Gingers. Apparently May was a good month. Here's a birthday hug for you:

Best Of The Watchword: Red's Picks

This Friday marks the one year anniversary of Gingers is the Watchword (I know. I can't believe we made it either). To celebrate, all four of our lovely contributors (yes, even Dave) will grace you with a list of their top 5 favorite GitW posts from the past year. I get to go first because I am the most bossy. Enjoy:

Things I Learned at Comic Con by Liz - One of my all time favorite posts because it was the first time we had, like, insider information. I love insider information! Makes me feel like such an insider. Also, Liz is a hugely talented writer and every time she posts it's sure to be hilarious.

The Radiohead Covers by Garney - I had a hard time choosing my favorite Radiohead cover, so I've linked you to all of them. Garney calling me to sing as other people is one of the highlights of my life.

Happy Singles Awareness Day by Red - Sadly, this collection of 100 or so words is, in my opinion, the funniest thing I've ever written.

Forgotten Classics by Garney - Garney knows more about movies than anyone ever (take that Scorsese). This post is an excellent example of an email conversation between Garney and myself turning into a great blog post, rife with discussion possibilities. EW needs to hire us both. Bring some credibility to that rag.

Who is Your Blogger Crush? by Red - Crushes are a hot topic for me, as I'm sure you've noticed. This post in particular is near and dear to my heart because it got me free drinks one very fun night this summer and really, isn't that the reason we all started blogging in the first place? For free drinks?

Honorable Mentions (aka cheating): Last Walk in the Garden by Liz and Red (because it was a great good-bye to The Wire), Leprechaun? In a Tree? by Dave (because Dave is the YouTube king!) and Sweet Persephone's Pomegranate Seeds by Liz (because nothing has ever made me laugh harder).

Your moment of zen

All right, its the weekend. I'll send you off smiling with this video of a bunny rabbit in a bowl. Don't say I never gave you anything.

Adorable baby bunny @ Yahoo! Video

You know the vice president doesn't even do anything, don't you?

Barack Obama is going to name a running mate. It will happen. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of our lives. Or for the rest of the campaign season at least.

But if you follow the dang ol’ Mainstream Media (everyone’s favorite nemesis, including my own, mostly because it doesn’t pay me enough) you’d think if Obama doesn’t pick a running mate RIGHT NOW, the very fabric of being that holds together the human race would collapse in upon itself, leaving nothing but dark matter in its place. (As if that would be a bad thing. God, you're so racist).

Today I looked at CNN’s Web site (which I sometimes do to see what “The Big Story of the Day is,” even though their lead piece is usually just something telling me that all my neighbors are child molesters). At the top of the page, there was a “breaking news” scroll that said reporters were camped out outside VP candidate Tim Kaine’s house.

Really CNN? This is what you’re putting your resources into? Camping an army outside a possible VP’s house and then telling us about it? What, do you think we’re impressed?

A) We’re not
B) Even if this Kaine guy wins, he’s not going to run outside like a kid with his straight A report card or a starlet with an Oscar and gush to you hacks all about it. He'll be in seclusion until him and Obama can do some kind rally together, most likely with a subtle "Hope/Change" motif. Numbskulls.
C) Why don’t you put this kind of effort into, I don’t know, finding out how badly the current president is spying on us, or just what the situation on the ground in Iraq really calls for?

I’m heaping all this criticism on CNN, but really, all the big cable outlets and what not are doing this. It’s just moronic. Also, why don’t they care so much about who McCain’s VP choice is?

Anyway, I’ll get off my soapbox now, but seriously, if I see one more headline to the effect of, “Possible Obama VP sited eating orange. What could it mean?” I might have to do the unthinkable and not read the Internet or watch TV all day. Please, no one wants it to come to that. No one!

At the Movies: Tropic Thunder

Liz and I decided we are dating. Lately, every movie we see, we see together. Last night, we ventured out to see Tropic Thunder. Written and directed by Ben Stiller, Tropic Thunder is the story of 5 actors, too big for their war movie, who are dropped into the Vietnam jungle by their crazy director (the fabulous Steve Coogan) in order to capture some real action and emotion. Of course, everything goes wrong and hilarity, as she loves to do, shows up in spades (I don't even know what that means).

Other than the pretty funny plot, the movie is all about Robert Downey Jr., as a hardcore method actor playing an African American Army sergeant (am I alone in thinking RDJ is the best thing on screen every time he's on screen? Man, he's so great. I'm so glad he's cleaned up and making awesome movies. I love him), and Tom Cruise as an insane studio head (I don't want to say too much, but damn. Cruise is funny). Also, Jay Baruchel is great as the newbie actor on the set. He's so adorable. It's nice to see him in something non-Apatowian.

There are some groan moments (as I think we've come to expect from a Ben Stiller movie) and Jack Black is misused, but over all, Tropic Thunder is funny, entertaining and worth your time and hard earned cash. Check it out.

Let Them Consume Alcohol

More than 100 universities across the US are urging law makers to lower the drinking age from 21 to 18 in an attempt to curb binge drinking. The arguments are varied: kids are drinking anyway, why not make it legal; if a kid is old enough to vote and go to war, they are old enough to drink; if we lower the drinking age, maybe future drunken starlets will show us their lady areas on the regular (pervy college deans). I say, whatever. You can't really regulate human behavior, so why spend so much GD money trying? Am I right? Yes. Of course I am.

My vote for Song of the Summer 2008

Well, I've tallied my ballot, and I'm going with "American Boy" by Estelle (featuring Kanye West) as my favorite jam this season.

There are a lot of things the Brits do better than us, and now it seems we can add "lighthearted, impossibly catchy pop song released between Memorial and Labor Day" to the list. May God help our star spangled souls.

Veronica Mars: The Movie

In news few people care about, rumors are circulating that Rob Thomas and Kristen Bell are chatting about a possible Veronica Mars movie. Considering 50% of GitW contributors love Veronica Mars more than life, this is very exciting news! (In fact, in case you ever wondered, our blog name is partly a reference to a Veronica Mars episode. Obsessed much?) Considering I wasn't crazy about the pseudo-pilot for the would-be 4th season, I hope the movie version doesn't find Veronica at the FBI training school in Langley, but still in Neptune, fighting with Logan, helping Keith fight the bad guys and making the world better for sassy ladies everywhere. Keep the dream alive!

Have I ever mentioned I know Ryan Hansen? Oh, I have? My bad.

Happy Bad Poetry Day!

Today is Bad Poetry Day. In honor of this awesome made up holiday, a poem for you from Jewel:

Insecurity
you don't call
I check again
I become uneasy--
is this a frame?
Suddenly I'm not so sure
I check my sources
each conversation becomes a crumb
how easily I'm led
how stupid I've been
to believe
you could be
loving me
you who can not be seduced
by anything other than
the temperance
of need
each one facilitating the next
and suddenly I see my place
the phone rings
you say hello
but I don't believe you

Deep, man. Deep.

Top 5: Olympic Crushes

Red doesn't have the market cornered on random crushes. As you may have noticed, I'm a little obsessed with the Olympics (it goes back to kindergarden, long story), and a few of the athletes have caught my eye for more than competetive skills. Here's a few favs:

Matt Emmons (above) - Hey baby, why don't you try hitting my target? (Ba dum, ching!) From one of the more random sports at the Olympiad, Matt Emmons is a shooter who's won gold before and is trying again. Sorry ladies, he's married, but in adorable fashion: After a tough loss in Athens in 2004, a female Czech shooter came up to him a bar to offer condolensces, and the two eventually got hitched.

Muzaffer Bahram (right) - I've kind of gotten into Olympic boxing. It's what I wish regular boxing was like. You know, exciting. While watching a match to cheer on an Irish boxer Thursday night, I found myself more than slightly distracted by his opponent, Turkish boxer Bahram. I kind of wish he was in a different sport though; you don't want international upercuts ruining that pretty face, Muzaffer!

Lin Dan - Apparently Dan is the "John McEnroe of badminton," which is just awesome. In a sport most Americans only play at barbecues but which Asians take as seriously as the Super Bowl, Lin Dan is a bad boy and a heart throb. His face is a little angular for my taste, but let's be honest: Anyone who can serve a shuttlecock at 200 mph and threatens opponents with his racket is hottt.

Nastia Liukin - Something for you lads still reading this. Though I myself developed a full-on girl crush watching Liukin do the uneven bars during the women's team final. I know I'm supposed to prefer All American Girl Shawn Johnson, but Russian-born Liukin carries herself with a kind of rock star swagger that I can't help but love. Eyes of the freakin' tiger, man.

Michael Phelps - Come on, you honestly thought we were getting through an Olympic post without a mention of Michael Phelps? Yes, its obvious and yes, he has Eli Manning's nose, but as Falwless once said, "That body just doesn't quit." And there are few things sexier than a living legend. I almost always root for the underdog, but - like with Tiger Woods - I'm always cheering for Phelps because I'm seeing history through him. History, and abs. Rrr'ar!

New Music Friday

I am currently addicted to Black Kids (no, not the adorable little cherubs of African decent, the indie-rock band from Florida). Their album is infectious mix of The Go! Team and Arcade Fire and it's huge in the UK (where coolness is born). Check 'em out:



Tell me that doesn't make you wanna dance!

Name Dropping

Note: This post idea stolen from Dr. Zibbs.

By now, my Michelle Williams story is legendary (what? you don't know that story? click on the link, but be prepared to totally hate her because she ruined my 17th birthday), but I've known a few other pseudo-famous people in my time. Set your feelings-o-meter to jealous.

Jacob Underwood: O-Town - The resident a-hole in the worst boyband in history, Jacob and I grew up together. We even traveled for a few months around the West Coast singing for young kids (he used to call me Mother Theresa. I can't remember why). Then he went on the OG Making the Band (the one without P. Diddy) and ensured O-Town's place in craptastic history. Now, he apparently lives in Nashville, still has white-boy dreads and is trying to make it in country music. Good luck, Jake.

Ryan Hansen: Veronica Mars - I know I am one of 50 people who watched Veronica Mars, but you all know it existed, right? Ryan played the hilarious Dick Casablancas, the comic relief of the girl-detective dramedy. I know Ryan's parents and his wife better than I know Ryan, but he still gave me a hug last time I saw him so, you know, we're tight.

Craig Slike: The Mole - I met Craig the same night I met Liz (really big night). He told me I looked like his dead aunt who once dated Desi Arnaz, so naturally, Craig is awesome.

Christopher Walken: All Things Cool and Balls of Fury - While doing the requisite white girl trip around Europe, I was leading my friends down the streets of Prague and saw Christopher Walken headed towards me. I passed him, turned around to my friends and mouthed/pointed "That's Christopher Walken!!!" My friend Monick made eye contact with him and said "Hey!" to which he replied, as only Walken can, "Why, hello." It was totally freaking awesome.

I've also met Nancy Travis, Mykelti Williamson, seen Michael Caine on the street in Chicago, Jay-Z in his Lambo in NYC and attended high school with the girl who drives the bus of hot chicks at the end of Dumb and Dumber. You are so jealous right now, you can hardly stand it.

Top 5: Weird Celebrity Crushes

1. Bob Costas - One of my absolute favorite parts of the Olympics on NBC is sharing my evenings with Bob. I'm not kidding. I love Bob Costas. His Costas Now specials on HBO are brilliant and he really should be commissioner of baseball. Sure, he's about a foot shorter than me, but whatever. I see past such superficial things.

2. Alex Trebek - Yes, I know he reads the Jeopardy answers off cue cards, but he's still effing brilliant (he doesn't fake all those other languages, does he? No, he doesn't). Plus, he's Canadian which gives him that dreamy foreignnesses. Oh, Alex. How I long for the day when I can look longingly in your eyes and say, "I'll take Shakespeare Quotables for $1000." *sigh*

3. Peter Jennings - Speaking of Canadians, I've always had a crush on Peter, the greatest news anchorman since Walter Cronkite. Sadly, Peter is no longer of this world, but I still love him. Is that weird? (she asks, after admitting she has a crush on Peter Jennings)

4. Dr. Drew Pinsky - Growing up on a steady dose of Loveline, I've always admired Dr. Drew and his ability to tell it to ya straight. His luster is waining with all his forays into crappy reality television, but for now, he's still crushworthy.

5. Greg Maddux - Shocker! It's a baseball player. Greg Maddux joining the San Diego Padres was, seriously, a highlight of my Padres loving life. I fell for Greg (this is starting to sound like a wedding announcement) when he helped the Atlanta Braves win about a million championships in the 90's. Then he came to San Diego and, at 42, still strikes out more guys than the average bear. I actually wished the Padres would trade him to a contender this year...that's how much I love the guy.

There you have it. Now, you can all stop being shocked when I come by and tell you how dreamy Bob Costas is...you'll just know I have super weird taste in men.

Not cool, China. Not cool at all.

In the spirit of the Olympic Games, I've been trying to give China the benefit of the doubt. Maybe that is fog, rather than smog. Maybe Tibet is full of ruthless criminals who deserve to be kept down. I mean what do I know, right?

But this? This is just taking it too far.

Turns out, China held a contest to decide which little kid would sing a song in the opening ceremony. They chose a little girl with a great voice, but then decided she wasn't cute enough, so they had another, "cuter" girl lip sync the lyrics. I think I speak for females everywhere when I say, without the use of editing asterisks: Fuck you, China!

Thanks to Yahoo, we can see both girls side by side (below), and see that the original singer girl is absolutely adorable. Note to the human rights violating, free speech denying, Panda eating thugs who rule China: buck teeth are cute on little kids. And even if they weren't, you're still dicks for pulling this kind of caper.

Boo, China. Booooooo!

The face, and the voice. Or as I like to call them, The Mean Girl, and The Relatable One

See This: The Mole Finale

As I mentioned many weeks ago, our friend Craig Slike has been starring in the summer return of The Mole. Liz and I prayed he'd just make it through the first few episodes (so as not to embarrass us), but that crazy kid made it all the way to the finale! He may even be THE Mole! So, tune in to ABC tonight at 10pm and see if Craig wins the big money. If he does, he's totally buying me a drink for once! (cheap bastard)

[Update] Craig turned out to be the mole...in case you, you know, cared.

High Crimes and Misnomers: Update

In case you were wondering:

I told you last week about about the bizarre story of a mystery man in Boston who kidnapped his daughter and apparently had no past. Well, authorities are just about positive that he is a German guy who came to the US as a teenager and never left.

He went from Connecticute, to Wisconsin (where he married for a green card) to California (where he may have killed two people) back to Connecticut, and finally up to Boston.

Meanwhile, he's in jail and his high-society friends keep trying to bring him tea and stuff. Priceless.

I'm sure the movie is on its way.

Nerd Alert! Vol 2.

While watching the Olympics and surfing the internet (don't be jealous of my totally awesome Sunday night), I came across this incredible article. Apparently, scientists are growing ever closer to creating invisibility cloaks! Like, for people! Tell me this isn't the coolest thing since whatever I last said was the coolest thing ever!

The nerdiness knows no bounds here at The Watchword.

Sign #357 that I'm getting old

Am I the only one who doesn’t really want to see Pineapple Express?

Based solely on commercials and trailers I’ve seen for this movie, I feel like I’ve already seen it 400 times. Judd Apatow movie about grown up dudes who act like 12-year-olds. Yep, definitely been there before.

Also, I have to confess something: I don’t really get the whole Seth Rogan thing. Like, yeah, he’s funny, kind of. I actually liked him a lot better in Superbad than Knocked Up. But he’s not that good, you know? And yet, movie poster makers seem to think just the sight of his pudgy face is enough to make me want to hand over $11 and two hours of my life. (Hint: Its not).

Observe:

Notice a pattern here?

I love stupid humor as much as anyone. And I like stoner movies too. I just feel like if someone asked 5 months ago what everyone thinks the next Judd Apatow movie is going to be like, 95 percent of responders would have said, “I don’t know? Some kind of stoner movie with Seth Rogan?” It just seems a little obvious.


If Pineapple Express is the funniest film of the year and breaks The Dark Knight’s box office numbers and I end up seeing it three times in the theatre and buying the DVD, consider my apology on the table. But as of right now, I’d rather stay home and watch Freaks and Geeks.

*Sigh* I guess this is what happens when you're no longer in targeted age demographics.

Dear Internet: Oympic Version

Dear Internet,

I read you every day and love you more than my sanity can handle. You have given me so much. But now, I fear I must ask of you a favor.

You see, I also love the Olympic Games, more than Americans are supposed to. I’ve been an avid watcher since Calgary in 1988. Since around 2004, however, I noticed a disturbing trend. This trend probably began more around 2000, but it wasn’t until 2004 that I spent my days in front of a computer, chronically, compulsively checking the Internet.

During the ’04 Athens games, I realized that any Web site that relays any kind of news, from the New York Times to Yahoo, puts Olympic results right up there on the home page for the whole world to see, before the whole world has actually had a chance to see them on television. I’ve had everything from soccer to speed skating totally ruined for me.

So, I was wondering if there was any way you convince the druids who conjure your Web sites and make them available for our viewing to perhaps hide results behind a link, rather than putting them right up there on the home page in bold, size 18 font. Sort of the cyberspace equivalent of what TV and radio do - where there tell you they're about to relay results, and if you don't want to hear, turn down the volume. This way, Lil’ Liz in San Diego won’t have to avoid the Internet for the next two weeks. For even if she were able to accomplish such a momentous feat of human endurance, she’d surely be in a straight jacket by the end of it.

Citius, Altius, Fortius,

Liz

This (mostly) Just In: Informative and Unfunny Edition

Well, most of the links are funny, but I am particularly unfunny today. Deal with it!

Alice 3D - Tim Burton is making a 3-D version of Alice in Wonderland. Apparently, it will be a mix of live action and CGI with Johnny Depp maybe, possibly taking on the Mad Hatter. Let's just hope it's better than Willy Wonka.

Bikinis Turn Men into Boobs - In news you already know, science has officially proven men become retarded when bombarded with sexual imagery. This is science, people! There is no arguing with science.

Bulletproof Bras - In other boob related news, policewomen in Germany have been issued bulletproof bras. It's about time someone thought of the ladies.

Stasi Pub, Super Creepy - Also in Germany (I am queen of the awesome transition today), two Berliners have opened a Stasi themed pub. Because, you know, everyone wants to drink and be reminded of the secret police force who killed thousands of people. That's a real good time.

Burn After Laughing - Finally, Garney sent me the trailer for the new Coen Brother's movie this morning and it looks really effing good:

State of the Blog

We are having issues with comments disappearing. I've complained loudly to the Blogger on high (okay, I haven't, but I found other people who already did so the message is out there) and hopefully it will be fixed soon. We here at The Watchword are not censoring your hilarity. I swear.

P.S. People should not see this as an opportunity to tell us to switch to Wordpress. Thank you and good day.

Add This to Your Queue: Shine A Light

The Beatles or The Rolling Stones? It's a debate older than, well, me anyway (which makes it pretty damn old). I've always been firmly in the pro-Beatles camp, but last night, a documentary by Martin Scorsese (the best pitchman Amex has ever had) may have maybe swayed me towards the Stones...or towards recognizing the equal genius of both bands, at the very least.

Shine a Light is a concert film at it's purest. Scorsese filmed the Stones over two nights at the Beacon theater in NYC. Interspersed with the live performance (and the film is 75% live performance) is archival footage of the Stones looking young and dashing (well, Mick looks hot, anyway. Aging has not been kind to these fellas) and showcasing various moments in their 40+ year career. The concert scenes rock pretty hard (with Buddy Guy, Jack White and Christina Aguilera popping by to duet throughout) and the old footage is funny and revealing. Hearing Mick Jagger say, at 20-something, "I think we have another year in us before we disband" is pretty hilarious in hindsight. I think that's what impresses me the most about the Rolling Stones...they are obviously talented, but their longevity is truly remarkable and, in the end, maybe that makes them better than The Beatles. I dunno. It's worthy of discussion...which is what we will do now in the comments.

So, spill it, people. The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?

The world will miss Dick Cheese

In case you haven't heard, the most awesome lounge-style cover artist, Richard Cheese, is retiring sometime in 2009. His farewell tour will be starting up again, but fuck, only one more album (OK Bartender, lol)? Anyways, you readers that know I'm all about the gratuitious use of youtube clips here, so here's "one for the ladies" :

High Crimes and Misnomers

For the past week, I’ve been completely fascinated with a real-life Lifetime Original Movie that’s unfolding in Boston. I’ve considered writing about it but put it off because I figured no one else would care. Then I remembered I don’t care what you think, and decided its high time you heard this story.

It’s the story of a father who kidnapped his daughter amidst a nasty custody dispute. Sadly a common occurrence, but what’s unique about this case is it involves false identities, yachts to Peru and a possible connection to an unsolved murder in California.

Oh, and Segways. It also involves Segways.

I first got intrigued when I was reading a Boston news site two weekends ago to check on the Red Sox. I saw an Amber Alert had been issued for a girl named Reigh Rockerfeller who’d been kidnapped in the Back Bay. The Back Bay is an anciently upscale neighborhood in Boston where all the old money lives. And obviously, “Rockerfeller” is about as blue blood as you get. This was odd.

But wait – Google tool bar informed me that the Standard Oil family spells it “Rockefeller.” Maybe this girl was a mere commoner after all.

Over the next few days, I start finding out more. A lot more. The Web site’s spell check was off – the girl’s name is in fact “Rockefeller.” Reigh Storrow Mills Boss Rockefeller to be exact. That’s five names, two of which (Storrow being the other) are navy blue blood in the northeast.

The girl’s mother is a Stanford and Harvard educated marketing executive who divides her time between Boston and London and sits on the board of Edith Wharton’s estate. OK. Big money. Check. But the father, who snatched the kid…He’s another story.

His name is Clark Rockefeller, but no one can figure out if he’s one of the Rockefellers. He’s always been vague. He’s also gone by a host of different aliases. He claims he owns a yacht on Long Island and police think he’s taking the daughter on it to Peru.

This guy is quite the character. He acts like he comes from money – speaking in a faux British accent, dressing like an uber-preppy and riding everywhere on a Segway. Yet no one knows anything about his family or where he comes from. He claims to be a scientist, but apparently doesn’t work. Information leaks that at least one reason he and his wife got divorced is because he lied about his background. He lost custody of the girl because he wouldn’t show ID at a hearing.

Finally, over the weekend, the police catch the guy. He’d taken his daughter to Baltimore and rented an apartment in a converted carriage house in a tony neighborhood. He had a boat in Baltimore, but it weren’t no yacht. He was arrested and taken back to Boston.

Now, homicide detectives in LA are flying to Boston to interview Rockefeller – if that’s his real name – because his fingerprints were somehow connected to an unsolved murder there. The little girl and her mom, by the way, have been reconnected and are said to be doing just fine.

Isn’t this crazy!? I know I’m not supposed to feel this way, but the fact that fabulously rich people with questionable pasts are involved make this case ten times more interesting. I’m not gonna lie. And I didn’t even mention how the father dragged a social worker behind his car when he first kidnapped the girl, or the mom’s emotional plea video that the Boston Police Department posted online.

Call me a sicko, but I really hope this guy turns out the Zodiac Killer or something. If he’s just some failed actor or White Snake’s original drummer, I'm going to be really disappointed.

You're totally the one on the upper left, aren't you "Rockefeller"?

It's Romance Awareness Month

On my way in to work, the radio happily informed me August is Romance Awareness Month. Apparently, it's not enough to have one day a year to make single people feel bad, we now need an entire month. Well, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do, people. I'm gonna romance myself! (not like that, you sickos). I'll pick up some roses and take myself out to a nice dinner and send myself a card which says, "Dear Self, You are so lovely and amazing. I love you more than anything in the world. Thanks for being so awesome. Love, Me." This may be just be the most romantic month ever.

Or I could try to get a date with this witty fella. So tempting...

Get Well Soon, Morgan Freeman!

Apparently, Morgan Freeman was seriously injured in a car crash last night in his home state of Mississippi. He's currently in serious condition in a hospital in Memphis. Time to say a little prayer, people. A world without Morgan Freeman is not a world I'm ready to live in.

I hope.

If its not too much trouble, could you please stop being nasty? KThanks!

For those of you who lack the backbone/desire to be a total asshole that’s required to tell the people in your life how annoying their disgusting habits are, have I got the site for you!

NiceCritic lets you send anonymous emails to people to inform them that their bad hygiene, poor sportsmanship, lack of taste, etc. are ruining your life, their life, and the lives of everyone around them.

Some of the helpful hints include:

- I'd like to suggest using a shampoo for dry scalp.
- Please stop bullying people around.
- Those lawn decorations are not flattering to your yard.

Somehow I don’t think too many people are going to use these seriously, for the site’s intended purpose. Most people will send them as jokes. (Like I just did to Red. Check your email, chica). But still, it’s a pretty funny idea. Who knows, maybe someone will give me the kick in the pants I need to finally stop chewing so damn loud. I know everyone hates it, but I need to hear them say it. Anonymously. To my email’s face.

This (mostly) Just In: Extra Nerdy Edition

Marvin the Martian Headed to the Big Screen - Marvin the Martian was always my favorite Looney Tunes character. Mainly, because he was always trying to destroy Earth. What do you think this says about me?

90210 on Your iPod - Not, like, the TV show. I'm talking a picture of the classic cast on your iPod. Why anyone would buy this is beyond me, but I'm sure the Fug girls are dying of excitement.

Scientists Discover the World's Oldest Joke - Apparently, it was traced back to 1900 B.C. and it goes: "Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap." Good to know people were unfunny nearly 4000 years ago, too. Dane Cook, I've found your really old ancestors.

New Harry Potter Book Due in December - Okay, so it's a spin-off of sorts. After 7 limited edition copies of The Tales of Beedle the Bard sold for a gazillion dollars, J.K. Rowling decided to release the book to those of use who can only afford to pay $12.95. Godbless her generous heart. Also, the trailer for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince was released Wednesday. Liz and I already geeked out over it, so I thought I'd share.

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog - Joss Whedon created this musical (oh, the humanity!) starring Neil Patrick Harris and Nathan Fallon. I haven't actually watched it yet because, until recently, you had to buy it off itunes and I am incredibly cheap. However, the lovely folks at hulu now present all 3 parts for free. Hooray! Let's watch it together, shall we?



(Liz is the only one maybe, possibly considering watching this, isn't she? And maybe Garney, but the rest of you aren't going to watch at all, are you? Hope you enjoy your sad little life without musicals and laughing.)